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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask stranger to hold DD's hand

165 replies

BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 18:45

No more abuse please, I'm feeling wobbly enough as it is, but would really like an unbiased opinion.

I have two DD aged 2.5 and 6 months. DD1 goes to a small village nursery for a day a week and this morning I needed to drop her off at 9 in order to head into work to talk about starting back. So I was stressed enough trying to get everyone out of the house whilst trying to make sure I didn't look as though I'd been dragged through a bush.
I then became much more stressed when I realised that the road to DD's nursery was closed. The workmen told me that I needed to park the car on the already overcrowded village road and walk the ten mins up to the nursery. I parked in the only space available (bearing in mind I needed to lug two small children up a hill) which happened to be in front of a dropped kerb outside a pub car park. Yes. Totally in the wrong. But I checked the car park which was empty apart from one car (figured it likely belonged to the owner) there was literally nowhere else to stop (yes, I wish I'd parked in the carpark but I've had a recent bad experience with a landlord shouting at me for using his carpark 'illegally') and I reasoned that pubs don't get a huge amount of visitors before 9am on a Friday morning and that I'd be ten minutes.

I got the buggy out of the boot and fastened in the baby. I heaved the toddler out of the car amidst shouts of 'I want to sit in the buggyyyyy!' Locked the car and started to walk up the muddy hill towards the godforsaken nursery.

After a few minutes I hear a (not at all happy) shout of 'Excuse me!' followed by another when I don't stop immediately.
'You're blocking me in! Come and move your car!'
With the nursery now in sight, i explain to the woman (who I assume is another mum in the same predicament) that if I could just walk the 5 more minutes it'll take to drop DD off (as opposed to dragging them both back to the car, moving the car and then beginning the whole exercise all over again) then I'll run back down the hill and move the car immediately, but I'm running really, really late. This did not go down well.
Apparently I was 'breaking the law' by parking in front of a dropped kerb (fair enough..) and did I want the police to be called? Hmm

At this point (mega stressed) we turned around and started walking back towards the car and i suggested to my new shouty friend that the quickest and easiest way for me to move the car would be if she could stand on the pavement next to me and hold DD's hand and the buggy to avoid me having to get everyone into the car first. At this suggestion, she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate and said:

*'what kind of parent are you that you'd leave your children with someone you don't even know?'

A bit taken aback, I explained that I had no intention of 'leaving them' with anyone, i was simply asking her to stand with them (in full view of me) while I moved the car for her.

Apparently, I am 'a disgusting excuse for a parent' for suggesting it and the abuse continued until I snapped and said 'alright, I'll leave the car where it is then!' Turned around and carried on up the hill.

So, I'd really like to know whether it was a completely unreasonable suggestion? Do people not do things like this to help each other anymore?

OP posts:
StarkintheSouth · 19/05/2017 19:40

YANBU
She sounds like a right dick
Flowers

cliffdiver · 19/05/2017 19:42

But how could you have moved the car whilst being in full view of her and your children if there was nowhere to park?

I though the reason you had to park in front of the kerb was because there was nowhere else to park?

Artisanjam · 19/05/2017 19:44

If you're in England or Wales the pub landlord cannot clamp you if you park in his private car park - it's an offence under the Protection of Freedoms act 2012.

He can fine you for breach of contract of the contract terms are clearly displayed at the entrance to the car park and he has signed up to a parking adjudication actors scheme.

cliffdiver · 19/05/2017 19:44

Sorry, ignore me I just read your second post.

Lemonnaise · 19/05/2017 19:45

I don't see the problem with asking shouty lady to hold DDs hand, she was BU.

FatOldBag · 19/05/2017 19:50

Ha, I'd have left the car where it was as well, she didn't need to be a cunt. Hopefully she's learnt her lesson and won't be so abusive to the next person.

FrameyMcFrame · 19/05/2017 19:59

Yabu.
You should never park blocking an entrance. She needs to get to work as much as you do. If you've blocked someone in your first priority should be to let them get their car out, not go up the road with your kids, however stressful your morning has been.

RupertsMum2 · 19/05/2017 19:59

I'm always being asked to hold people's babies and toddlers whilst they do things. A few weeks ago I was asked to hold a quite young baby "Grandaughter" whilst granny went to the toilet. She was gone at least 10 mins. I was beginning to think she'd run off or been taken unwell!

It's sorted out now so don't stress over it. All is well.

NotYoda · 19/05/2017 20:01

God I remember when mine were this age. Maybe she doesn't. She was not kind to you

NotYoda · 19/05/2017 20:02

... I'd love for someone to let me hold their toddler's hand now. I am often overcome with the urge to ask people if I can hold their baby while they have a cuppa in a cafe

squishysquirmy · 19/05/2017 20:04

What a morning!
I would (and have) asked a stranger to hold my toddler's hand. Even if, looking back, it wasn't the right decision, you were stressed, and we often make less than perfect decisions when feeling hassled and hurried. It doesn't make you a bad mother.
The woman sounds bonkers and needlessly confrontational. She didn't help herself, with her rant did she? You turned around and took longer to move your car than if she hadn't yelled at you. If it was me I probably would have burst into tears.
Cake Flowers

BlackSwan · 19/05/2017 20:10

She had every right to tell you off for your parking, but not for your parenting! What kind of a mental world is this - where if you don't suspect every person you meet is a kidnapper, that you're a bad parent.

Crumbs1 · 19/05/2017 20:23

Sad world when we're so untrusting of people we won't let the interact with a child. Of course she was being ridiculous. I often mind strangers children whilst they go to the loo or carry hot drinks.

onmykneesandsinking · 19/05/2017 20:26

You were in the wrong with your parking, but you know that!! You sound incredibly stressed and harassed, we've all been there, poor you!!!
The woman was horrible to give you grief for your situation, it sounds fine to me. I have let my dd sit on an unknown elderly ladies lap before now on a hideously stressful train journey. I wouldn't rush to repeat this but think that as long as your child is only a few feet away and in your eye line at all times it's fine.
Hopefully your day improved, put her out of your mind, she was probably having a dreadful day too!!

Vrooooom · 19/05/2017 20:28

It sure about this thread but I'll play along...

I'd never normally park illegally, but

👀

YWB very, very, very, very U. It's incredibly selfish to park in front of someone's drive and block them in.

She probably doesn't normally mind holding the Gand of a strangers but was so pissed off with you that she thought she'd get any dig in that she could. I imagine she would be pleased to hear that it bugged you.

diddl · 19/05/2017 20:30

I do think that you were wrong not to go straight back as soon as she called to you that you had blocked her in.

She was very rude, although I'm sure that you would have got my back up by initially saying that you carry on & drop the kids off first.

CotswoldStrife · 19/05/2017 20:39

YWBU to block the car park, and very rude by refusing to move your car - why should she wait while you walk to and from the nursery, it's not her fault you are late!

I see similar situations with school parking - if you are in the wrong then you need to apologise, not say 'just wait a bit longer ...' because that is never going to end well!

She shouldn't have called you a bad parent though.

SirVixofVixHall · 19/05/2017 20:42

She was horrible. I feel really sorry for you. Cake Gin Brew

GabsAlot · 19/05/2017 20:58

she was ott in her rant but yabu for where u parked

she might have been late aswell

my dsis used to live right near a school day after day people blocked hee in-oh im going to be five minutes! yes but she had to get out aswell it really isnt the point how long youre going to be

CrochetBelle · 19/05/2017 21:02

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Northgate · 19/05/2017 21:13

Nothing wrong with asking someone to mind your children for a minute or two in that kind of situation.

I had a kindly random stranger hold baby DC3 in the supermarket toilets the other day after DC2 announced he needed a wee now when we were halfway round the shop. He's too small to manage the toilets without help. Most people aren't villainous kidnappers.

Although I'd probably not ask someone to mind my DC if they'd just been shouting at me in front of my DC. That sort of confrontation might make my DC nervous about being left with shouty woman, even for just a minute or two.

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 21:23

Crotchetbelle actually happened. No snow. Quite a lot of rain and mud though Hmm
Northgate she wasn't particularly shouty until I asked her about the hand holding. Pre this, she was just irritated but seemed otherwise normal.

OP posts:
LivLemler · 19/05/2017 21:27

Neither of you were at your best.

You'd both had stressful mornings. She came back to her car to find herself blocked in, presumably she also needed to get to work, that would send most of us into a state in a millisecond. Yes, she should have held your DC's hand, but she was beyond reason at that point, which is understandable really.

You shouldn't have parked where you did, but again, when we're stressed we don't always make the right decisions.

Put it behind you and move on OP, don't torture yourself about it. And park legally in future! Wink

CrochetBelle · 19/05/2017 21:28

So what happened when you got back to your car?

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 21:29

Also, just to point out that after the initial 'pleeeeease help me! I'm really really late and my child REALLY doesn't want to walk up this hill!' moan, which lasted about a minute, I went to move the car. We were not on bad terms at this point. I realised that I was in the wrong and moved to fix it. What I want to know is whether I was entirely unreasonable to ask for her help to fix the situation and therefore deserving of the abuse I received.

OP posts:
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