To ask stranger to hold DD's hand

[BeakyFlapdoodle]

No more abuse please, I'm feeling wobbly enough as it is, but would really like an unbiased opinion.

I have two DD aged 2.5 and 6 months. DD1 goes to a small village nursery for a day a week and this morning I needed to drop her off at 9 in order to head into work to talk about starting back. So I was stressed enough trying to get everyone out of the house whilst trying to make sure I didn't look as though I'd been dragged through a bush.
I then became much more stressed when I realised that the road to DD's nursery was closed. The workmen told me that I needed to park the car on the already overcrowded village road and walk the ten mins up to the nursery. I parked in the only space available (bearing in mind I needed to lug two small children up a hill) which happened to be in front of a dropped kerb outside a pub car park. Yes. Totally in the wrong. But I checked the car park which was empty apart from one car (figured it likely belonged to the owner) there was literally nowhere else to stop (yes, I wish I'd parked in the carpark but I've had a recent bad experience with a landlord shouting at me for using his carpark 'illegally') and I reasoned that pubs don't get a huge amount of visitors before 9am on a Friday morning and that I'd be ten minutes.

I got the buggy out of the boot and fastened in the baby. I heaved the toddler out of the car amidst shouts of 'I want to sit in the buggyyyyy!' Locked the car and started to walk up the muddy hill towards the godforsaken nursery.

After a few minutes I hear a (not at all happy) shout of 'Excuse me!' followed by another when I don't stop immediately.
'You're blocking me in! Come and move your car!'
With the nursery now in sight, i explain to the woman (who I assume is another mum in the same predicament) that if I could just walk the 5 more minutes it'll take to drop DD off (as opposed to dragging them both back to the car, moving the car and then beginning the whole exercise all over again) then I'll run back down the hill and move the car immediately, but I'm running really, really late. This did not go down well.
Apparently I was 'breaking the law' by parking in front of a dropped kerb (fair enough..) and did I want the police to be called?

At this point (mega stressed) we turned around and started walking back towards the car and i suggested to my new shouty friend that the quickest and easiest way for me to move the car would be if she could stand on the pavement next to me and hold DD's hand and the buggy to avoid me having to get everyone into the car first. At this suggestion, she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate and said:

*'what kind of parent are you that you'd leave your children with someone you don't even know?'

A bit taken aback, I explained that I had no intention of 'leaving them' with anyone, i was simply asking her to stand with them (in full view of me) while I moved the car for her.

Apparently, I am 'a disgusting excuse for a parent' for suggesting it and the abuse continued until I snapped and said 'alright, I'll leave the car where it is then!' Turned around and carried on up the hill.

So, I'd really like to know whether it was a completely unreasonable suggestion? Do people not do things like this to help each other anymore?

Other spaces being full doesn't allow you to park over a dropped kerb. It's annoying and stressful but if there's nowhere to park you can't actually park.

She's a knob, but you are an even bigger one for blocking a car park entrance.

She may help people all the time. She may love holding other people's babies etc... however you blocked her in (by parking like a dick) and then instead of apologising profusely and moving immediately when she was also in a rush, she may not have felt particularly inclined to assist you.

If it were me I would also worry that your toddler may panic that you were trying to leave her with me as you were physically getting in the car without her.
She may try to break away from me near the road etc.
I would imagine this is where the pent up insults came from.

Look, this happens to all of us at some point - that cold panic when you are going to be super late for school, trust me it's far worse at picks up time when the same situation arises it happened to me this afternoon. I ended up miles away and sprinting up the road like a maniac past all the flow of kids with good, timely parents

The complaint to nursery was justified - you are probably one of many who do this 'just for a few minutes'
I'm sorry it was horrible but you're going to have to leave much earlier, or arrange with nursery to do a later drop whilst you're getting to grips with the new arrangement.
Have some now though.

YWBU. You have no idea what she was late for and it is always unreasonable to block a car park unless emergency (ie medical emergency, not late for work/nursery).

You could have told your work you were delayed by roadworks.
At the point where she asked you to come back I can't imagine many people would be happy to be asked to wait while you went to the nursery (plus how would she know you were telling the truth?)
I sympathise with the stress but yes, YWBU.

You weren't unreasonable to ask her to hold DDs hand, no. But you'd already been so completely self centred and unreasonable up to that point I'm not surprised she thought you were taking the piss and reacted accordingly.

Ok so the basic fact is she was completely out of order for calling you a bad parent no matter what either of the circumstances were.

You were in the wrong. You made a bad decision but in a very stressful situation and it was a one off. You're not doing this daily and you did try to help the situation until she became a psycho. Don't let her, or any of her mumsnet fan girls, bother you. She was also out of order for calling the nursery. Unless she knew you though how did she know who to complain about?!

I personally wouldn't ask a stranger to hold my child's hand because he's like a ferret up a drainpipe and would have whipped that hand away and escaped in a second. However if someone asked me to do it for them I would happily help out.

Have a and relax. Hope it went well at work x

Yeah that's a point why did they call the nursery that's just stupid and ott.

It's been done now. They day is over. Just forget it.

Did you get to your meeting about going back to work?

The woman was angry and rude. I hope things are going to be better for you once you are back at work.

Have a nice cuppa.

No she shouldn't have acted the way she did and neither should the landlord of the pub!
Yes you'd blocked someone in but you were stressed and running late and thought the car was the landlords so wouldn't probably be moving for a while and you were going to be gone minutes not hours.

After you said sorry and explained the woman should have wound her neck in.

Like it would harm to help a fellow human being who's having a shit time of it and to then complain about you to the Nursery that's fucking batshit and the Nursery had a go at you?Who do they think they are your parents!

@BeepBeepMOVE kidnappers make opportunities and look for them! They don't shout at a person and then steal their kids. I am in charge kids all day and trust me I have never ever had the urge to kidnap any of them!

Also wind your neck in she already said she's had enough abuse today and she was gone 10mins! You calling her a dick isn't going to change anything or help the other woman. In fact it only serves to make you look like a bit of a dick by attacking someone you don't know!

YABU

It's not unreasonable to ask someone to hold your child's hand, but you were so out of line by arrogantly parking her in that I'm not surprised she refused.

You were totally in the wrong, and no amount of whinging about your day can justify your parking actions. You most certainly made HER day more stressful. How do you know she didn't have an urgent medical appointment to get too, or a train to catch? Work? Not to mention if the pub was expecting a delivery? Imagine how much chaos a delivery truck blocking the street could've caused.

If I'd been the other driver or landlord in this position I'd have called the police on you after you left the second time. You got off very lightly all things considered.

There is nothing wrong with asking for stranger's help with things like this sometimes, however, I do see why she reacted the way she did.
You parked illegally and caused her inconvenience.
You then wanted to inconvenience her even more.
When that wasn't acceptable to her, you then wanted her help to make it quicker and easier to resolve the situation.

You're not a bad mum but parking like that was completely inexcusable.

You calling her a dick isn't going to change anything or help the other woman. In fact it only serves to make you look like a bit of a dick by attacking someone you don't know!

Guess that makes you a dick too

I reckon OP thought car in car park was landlord and she wanted to get back at him for telling her off previously so thought she'd block him in. her reason for not parking in the car park is that the landlord would tell her off again. This means she thought landlord would be about. Why would she then intentionally block him in?

You were in the wrong though.
She shouldn't have had a go at you like she did, at all but i would have been pissed if you'd blocked me in and then left!
Yes i i do think you were wrong asking her to mind your dd, it's not her dd.
I Would not want to be in charge of a strangers child.
Sorry but being stressed and late is no excuse for blocking someone in.
You have no idea where she was going! Hospital, doctors, work?
Her work aren't exactly going to excuSe her lateness ( mine wouldn't).
She should not have said that about your parenting though, you're not a bad mother.

ohtheholidays probably because the op isn't the only one who has used the car park to park in and the landlord has had enough.
I can't say i blame him for complaining it if he's already asked the op not to park there and then she blocks someone in.

Fuck sake beepbeep
Calm down, nobody died 🙄
The op clearly says she was parked in front of the pub car park not the shouty womans house
RTFT will you

I wouldn't want to be put in charge of a young child I don't know near a road. I don't know if they're the type to break free and run straight into it, but equally I wouldn't feel comfortable keeping hold of them hard enough to definitely stop them.

You asked the woman to wait 15 minutes (no way you would of been 5 if it actually is a 10 minute walk from village to nursery) because you'd parked illegally and blocked her in. That's ridiculous. You'd already put her in an awkward situation, and then you did it again by asking her to mind your children by a road.

Maybe she was having a stressful morning too. Maybe she had important places to be too. You're whole OP is extremely entitled.

I later found out that she'd made a complaint to the owners of the nursery, so I got told off when I picked DD up too. Brilliant.

Oh god that's just pathetic.
I hope you told the nursery that you're an adult and therefore don't need to be told off my them for something that doesn't even concern them.

You made a mistake op, we've all been there. I had similar once and this is painful for me to write so appreciate that I'm trying to show you you aren't the only one.
Desperately needed baby milk. Parked up outside coop, boiling hot day, not particularly nice area. (Staying with inlaws)
Already having a stressful morning and the thought of getting ds1 (5) ds2 ( nearly 2) and baby DD out the car and wrangle them round the shop while ds2 runs away from me just felt awful.
I should also mention I was in the pits of post natal depression.
Anyway as above, it was very hot and there was some people outside the shop as always. Usually drunks, yes even at midday: the car was 8 foot from the shop door and about 15 from the baby milk but always in view. I didn't want to open the windows so I asked ds1 to come sit in my seat so he could lock the door from the inside (one of those press buttons) and I could leave the air con on for them.
Went inside, grabbed milk, went to counter and a woman comes in and yells at me therefore holding me up even more. She then continued to "tell me off" once I got outside.
Apparently "anything" could have happened in those 2 minutes but when I asked her like what she said "oh the car could have gone backwards, it could have gone forwards"
Well actually the car was parked between 2 other cars so even if in those 2 minutes my son who had been told not to touch anything had decided to go ahead and do just that the most that would happen is that he'd have stalled.
Yes maybe the car could have spontaneously combusted but it was an unlikely risk and believe me I'd have been over there just as fast as if I'd been sat on the front seat and it'd happened.
On reflection I should have just ran in, ran out and left the windows closed because in 2 minutes they weren't going to overheat but I wasn't thinking clearly.
I KNOW I was in the wrong but what riled me was that she wasn't even concerned for my kids. If she had been she'd have waited for me by the car to keep an eye on them but instead she followed me in holding me up.
Well if you're on here and reading this shouty lady, FUCK YOU.
God I felt like shit after that had happened. I got in the car with Ds asking me why that lady was shouting and burst into tears after we drove off. In fact I think I sobbed several more times that day with Ds telling me, your not a bad mummy mummy because I'd kept apologising to him.

See at least you weren't as much as a bad mother as me op

@BeepBeepMOVE oh I'm a massively entitled person. If you're attacking a stranger I'll ramp up the hypocrisy and attack you because you're doing something generally wrong and horrid.

Who did she hurt yesterday? How did the OP add to the emotional stress and torment of? She has a 6mth old and a 2yr old. Have you considered how emotionally and mentally she might be struggling but doesn't want to add it to the post? It's far better to try and look at the positives of the post rather than add to the emotional upset the day has caused.

You clearly have strong opinions, and you maybe have been in a situation similar to the OP, but would some tact and decorum not suit this situation better. It costs nothing at all to be nice or to be fair to someone. But costs a lot more to be cruel and make a situation worse. You're more than likely a lovely person yourself and were just expressing an opinion to balance out the predominantly supportive posts. But just read the situation and give the OP a break when she already said she's had her fill of abuse.

@okpedro I think it is you who needs to RTFT the OP states that she previously had a row with a pub landlord about using a pub car park. She probably did want to block the landlord in.

She may well have lost her rag because this was the latest in a string of bad parking incidents - from other nursery users, I mean. I certainly complained to the nursery when I was blocked in by other parents and late for work for about the tenth time.

I know the school/nursery run can be stressful, but you really can't go round blocking other people in - that's just transferring your stress onto someone else and it is inevitably going to lead to raised tempers.

I would have held your child's hand while you moved, but I'd have done so reluctantly, because I'd have expected to be hanging onto a screaming, writhing ball of panicked toddler fury the second you got in the car and she thought you were abandoning her with a stranger. I also wouldn't have been well-disposed towards you after you suggested I should wait while you went off to do the nursery run.

Yes, she could have handled it better, but the problem is that there are plenty of massively entitled parents who would have just shrugged and walked off if asked politely to move. I used to be regularly blocked in by one, and it wasn't until the day that I stopped asking nicely and told her exactly what I thought of her that she actually moved her bloody car. She was probably approaching the situation with the expectation that you were going to refuse, and it's difficult to change your mindset mid-argument. And unfortunately, you did walk off and make her wait. I know that wasn't your initial intention and that you were stressed, but you really should have done anything to avoid that.

I have sympathy - I have 3 kids and I occasionally have a triple drop-off, including a nursery drop-off with difficult parking. But you probably need to plan to park further away in future.

It sounds like you were stressed and she a was a grumpy cow. I have been asked to hold strangers babies in the airport before and I'm happy to do so.
It sounds lIke she was more interested in telling you off than getting her car ;-).
Total crap comment about child abduction. The majority of times something bad happens to children the perpetrator is a relative. So assuming you are not related to shouty woman you should be ok.
Good luck next time!

It's not worth stressing over, just don't park in front of a drop curb again, it's not legal and yes I do understand how stressed you are and how upset you are, the lady was already cross about you blocking her in and that was why she looked at you funny.

I would have told you to drop the children off but could you please not park in front of my house again, she may have been in a rush herself just like you were, the same with the car park of the pub, how can we be cross at others when we do things that make others cross.

No one was thinking of anyone else... frazzled /angry people!

And breathe....

On a different note: what would have happened if you were 15 mins late at the nursery??