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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To use the disabled loo when I'm with my son?

999 replies

RestingBitch · 19/05/2017 17:06

My sons 9 months and obviously still in his pushchair. The majority of the time it's just me and him when I go into town/visit places. When I need the loo I get an attack of conscious, I normally use the disabled loo so I can bring him in with me.
Can't use a regular loo as I can't get him in the cubicle in his chair. Don't want to take him out of his pushchair and plonk him on the floor as the floors are manky and he will eat whatever is on the floor. He'll also probably try and crawl under the gap and interrupt someone else. Don't really like the idea of leaving him in his pushchair whilst I nip in the cubicle, so providing there isn't someone waiting for the disabled loos, AIBU to use them? I'm usually in and out and so far I've never encountered anyone waiting for one, or the impatient rattle of the door. If I am being unreasonable, short of pissing myself what's the options?

Not a troll, and don't work for any newspapers :).

OP posts:
MaybeNextWeek · 22/05/2017 08:55

'Are we back on "well one person who's possibly disabled said it's okay" again'

yes always one who claims be disabled and says it's ok and apparently funny too

HomeDesire2017 · 22/05/2017 08:56

mychilddoesntlookdisabled I know I would.

mychilddoesntlookdisabled · 22/05/2017 08:57

So my child could arrive to the disabled loo after you're standing there with your baby in a pushchair and say "excuse me I need to go first" and you'd all say "ok".

That has literally never happened. In 19 years. Never.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 08:58

it's okay for a struggling mum to piss herself then?

So she is so desprate to pee that she runs to the disabled toilet.... and it's engaged....

are you telling me she would wet herself?

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 08:58

really?

she'd leave it so late that she would do that?

MaybeNextWeek · 22/05/2017 08:58

'it's okay for a struggling mum to piss herself then'

Well as a parent and with lots of family and friends who are parents I do know the logistics of going to the loo before you go out, getting a friend to watch dc if you need to go while out, unstrapping dc if you are'going to 'piss yourself' etc etc etc.

As a friend of a disabled person I know their choices are far less. So yes, just get yourself organised. it really isn't hard.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:01

If her need is so sudden that she can't wait a few minutes then in reality she would be under a contience nurse would she?

I mean in real life...

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:02

who do you know who can't wait a few minutes to wee in real life?

HomeDesire2017 · 22/05/2017 09:11

They'd have to piss themselves if the toilet were engaged but if it's not then she should use it, that's my point.

HomeDesire2017 · 22/05/2017 09:11

Myself a lot of the time unfortunately.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/05/2017 09:12

They themselves have to risk wetting/spiking/leaking themselves JUST INCASE?

An able bodied person is making the choice to not use other facilities.

I have no other choice. For me it isn't 'a risk' that I might soil myself it's a certainty.

chevit · 22/05/2017 09:16

yes always one who claims be disabled and says it's ok and apparently funny too

I found my comment funny. But because I disagree with you, I can't be disabled? Or is it because my disability isn't as bad as yours? Or is it because I can't prove mine with a photo unless I was prepared to undress and show you my colostomy bag? Or outline for you the struggles I go through on a daily basis? Or perhaps you find it convenient to decide I'm lying as otherwise I'm disproving your point?

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:16

Myself a lot of the time unfortunately.

If this is true you really need to go to a doctor, because it sounds like urge incontinence and isn't "normal".

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:20

You should be able to hold 300 ml of urine at least and be able to go wihtout peeing for 2 to 3 hours.

mychilddoesntlookdisabled · 22/05/2017 09:20

Can hq confirm that if someone posts disablist crap 3 times they are banned?

BeyondStrongAndStable · 22/05/2017 09:21

By the way, non-disabled women reading this, can I just take the opportunity to say that weeing or pooing yourself is not normal later in age or following childbirth. We are only told it is because we are women and our healthcare needs are belittled.
So if you have either of these problems you need to see your GP and not be fobbed off with it being normal Flowers

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:23

By the way, non-disabled women reading this, can I just take the opportunity to say that weeing or pooing yourself is not normal later in age or following childbirth. We are only told it is because we are women and our healthcare needs are belittled.

This^^

MaybeNextWeek · 22/05/2017 09:27

'I found my comment funny'

Chevit, Sorry what, are you lavei? its confusing when people nc mid thread.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:27

mychilddoesntlookdisabled

Report your own post and ask for a reply to that, they should email you one.
despite what i said earlier they are actually pretty good with things like that.
If you want to know when the reports are read swear at someone now in the thread and make not of when it gets deleted.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:29

Also screenshot the offending posts, you might need them in a formal complaint letter.

MaybeNextWeek · 22/05/2017 09:33

'Or is it because my disability isn't as bad as yours? Or is it because I can't prove mine with a photo '

Also, I'm not disabled. I have a friend that is though and I get as exasperated as she does when all I have to do is wrestle with my handbag or a few years ago a pushchair, while she has to wait for mothers to come out of the disabled toilet with a toddler usually looking sheepish and saying 'oh sorry sorry' so at least some know they are in the wrong. Its just bad mannered, selfish and unnecessary.

HomeDesire2017 · 22/05/2017 09:33

I know it's not normal and I have been to the doctor but like a lot of people, I have been referred to gynaecology and am waiting.

I'm not disabled but I do suffer from anxiety and have a weak bladder. I can't fit a buggy in the cubicle, leaving my baby just isn't an option for me, I do believe I or anyone else who needs to, should be able to use accessible toilets.

I don't want to use them but there will be times where I have to. Just because what I'm battling isn't classed as a disability doesn't mean my need is any less than yours.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber · 22/05/2017 09:35

Just because what I'm battling isn't classed as a disability

actually it is or at least suspected.

have you been told where to get a radar key in your area yet?

BeyondStrongAndStable · 22/05/2017 09:41

This may be of interest, Home
www.bladderandbowel.org/help-information/just-cant-wait-card/

DayMoth · 22/05/2017 09:52

she has to wait for mothers to come out of the disabled toilet with a toddler usually looking sheepish

She is probably looking sheepish because of the nasty looks from people waiting! I have a radar key (invisible disability) and have used disabled loos for years. People react very differently when you have a pram or buggy with you! Please remember mums of small children may have an invisible disability, from a LT health condition to continence issues, stoma, anxiety, IBS. I think it's better to leave your baby unattended outside or leave a toddler in soiled clothes because there's nowhere private to change them. It's an accessible toilet for people who need it.

I think it comes down to empathy. I would never deny someone access to the accessible loo if they have a need for it. Equally if I need to use it and a mum is changing her baby in there, I don't think my need is greater. You never know what is going on in people's lives.