To ask what is the weirdest most bizzare concoction of food ever served to you?

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I've just mentioned this on another thread and am bored on this miserable rainy afternoon so would love to hear some of yours.

My mum is a terrible cook, but still insists on experimenting with various meals. A few of the things we were served as a child:

Tinned mandarin and vanilla muller yoghurt poured over chicken breasts. The yoghurt curdled.

'Risotto'. This was made by leaving the basmati rice in its water, stirring through tomato purée and throwing some plastic cheese on top.

At Christmas one year she basted the turkey in lime juice, and put pineapple rings on top.

She stirs through primula cheese in a tube into mashed potato.

'Tropical rice'- boiling it in tropical fruit juice or squash.

It's been YEARS since I braved a meal at hers but my brothers tell me not much has changed. Looking back these dishes fasincate and horrify me in equal measures. I made sure I knew what I was doing cooking-wise from quite a young age.

Anyone got any horrors or just plain strange ones to add?

oo oo I've got one: Boiled white cabbage with a poached egg and Colemans cheese sauce on top. (Friend was attempting to make eggs florentine and didn't have any spinach. Or cheese).

An onion over baked beans at a black tie event?! Ewww

Mine would be the first time I tried to make chicken curry in my slow cooker. I couldn't eat it. It was watery and tasted nothing like curry.

My mother did accidentally put orange juice in my cereal one time, but she's not a morning person!

BTW I loved baked beans and peas mixed; that was a favourite of cabbage/cheese/egg woman, who I lived with for a while. One day she boasted she'd cooked and served horsemeat she got from the pet shop freezer and none of us realised.

Mind you one day I came downstairs and found her having a threesome with her brother in law on the front room carpet. They had no telly.

These sound bewildering!

I remember overhearing a woman complaining about the time her DH cooked a meal for the both of them and he'd poured in a glug of Malibu into the mashed potatoes. Blurgh.

Beans, cucumber and coleslaw. He called it 'bean-um-slaw'

Fruit jelly with sweet corn in it, fried eggs and bacon with gravy poured over and toast spread with honey with an oxo cube sprinkled over the top (no Marmite?), all courtesy of two lovely Filipino nurses I flat shared with.

Boiled skate wings with black grapes, served at a dinner party.

Dsis and I used to be sent to stay with a friend of my mum, when we were early teens. This friend had a very 'waste not, want not' attitude to food, and leftovers were kept in the fridge then, on Friday, she served 'Scraps Dinner' and 'Scraps Pudding' - literally all the left overs, shared out between everyone, somyou might get a bit of chicken, some sausage, a variety of left over veg, some rice and gravy, followed by a sliver of each pudding she'd made during the week, with a scoop of ice cream. It was bizarre.

Once, she made tea that was bread and butter with various jams and spreads put on them - sort of open faced sandwiches - including jam, chocolate spread, and Marmite) - and the next day, we got the leftovers of that, slapped randomly together to make proper sandwiches - which made for some very odd combinations. Chocolate spread and Marmite was a particular low point.

She also asked mum if there was anything we didn't eat - so mum said liver - and she then gave us liver pate sandwiches, and when we forced them down (because we were hungry and polite), she decided mum didn't know what she was talking about, and made liver casserole. Dsis refused to eat it, point blank, and I only forced it down because I was afraid of what mum would say if I refused (dsis was her favourite and could do no wrong).

This thread us amusing me no end. We were once served spaghetti slavered in Heinz ketchup on holiday in a fancy resort (it was in the back of beyond so nowhere really else to eat).

Working overseas years ago, there was a cook at the house I was living in who got creative. He served baked beans with the tomato sauce washed off, mixed into a treasured pack of strawberry Angel Delight

in Holland: bowl of chips, with a ladle of satay sauce on top, as well as (ladle of) mayonaise and lots of chopped up raw onion.

Apparently it's a thing there.

It was very good, in a bizarre way, but gives you really bad breath and unbelievable heartburn!

Mackerel curry. I spent about 20minutes trying to find a bit without a zillion bones and then we gave up and ordered pizza.

I tried to jazz up a creamy ham jarred pasta bake thing once by adding soya mince. Don't do it people, it was grim.

Also my experiment with chocolate flavoured pasta ravioli stuffed with Philadelphia soft cheese went somewhat awry when I used the garlic and herb Philly...

My mum used to cook this potato dish with tomatoes and olives. Potatoes inevitably raw, and I remember my aunt once being over and waiting until mum went to bed and then ordered us all a Chinese afterwards :-)

Once had banana wrapped in bacon and fried. Really weird but was yummy.

Mil adds mint sauce to everything she plates up and I do mean everything! Had it on top of stew, spaghetti Bolognese and cheeseburger.

How about a whole smoked mackerel with thousand island dressing & two boiled eggs. My former boss' lunch. At his desk

One of the options we were offered for our wedding breakfast was "Jamaican chicken" - which was chicken breast stuffed with banana . We declined and opted for Balmoral chicken instead!

An ex work colleague and foodie invited our team round for a 6/7 course degustation menu with a different wine paired with each course
( I can't remember how many courses exactly because we were all guttered by the end of it) We had a soy and lime granita for one course. I didn't know what 'granita' was (it's just forked up ice) Ice with soy sauce and lime; salty ice, basically. I didn't think I could swallow it. Oh, and a single prawn on a fancy spoon with chocolate oil drizzled on it. That was unexpectedly luscious.

Peas and sweet corn with hard boiled eggs at a youth hostel in France.

Chicken Kiev, past 'n' sauce and chips by mil once-I nearly asked if she was doing a marathon the day after because of the carbs

Like Whoooo
First roast my partner cooked me he put curry powder on the lamb chops. Might not sound that bad...but they were.

OP, your mum's cooking sounds... interesting. My DM is a reasonable cook, although can play it a little fast and loose with substitutions. Once she made a butternut squash soup that was meant to be finished with a little orange zest. No oranges? Never fear, she added a huge glug of super sweet, undiluted orange squash instead. She thought it was delicious.

Sprouts and spaghetti. Now legendary in my family.

Oh god - when I saw this title I immediately thought of the "oil soup" incident.

Living in Shanghai, I ate some pretty fucking weird stuff over a ten-year period. However, my colleague's wife decided she would cook me a specialty from her village.

It was a bowl of oil. Literal cooking oil. Floating upon this miniature lipid ocean were burned scrapings from the sides of a rice-cooker, fermented peanuts, and "century eggs". Because she was my colleague's wife, I had to at least look like I was enjoying it.

Boakerama.

And I nearly forgot, one of my friends loves marmite and marmalade on toast, at the same time. Yuk.

My lovely granny looked after us for a few weeks when my parents went overseas. Some of the food was interesting. The two that stick in my mind are tuna custard (savoury custard but still) and cabbage crumble.

Cao, that is just

Our babysitter once made us peanut butter and Branston pickle sandwiches. Boak.