To never invite this annoying little brat round again

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

Dds friend (9) is round for dinner... know she is a fussy fucker but her mum did tell me she eats anything. Cue today Shepard pie , after picking all the peas out of the damn thing she proceeds to sit at the table making super loud ewww, and yuck noises, while moaning she doesn't like it. There are 5 other kids sat round the table ffs.

She had also completely ignored anything my dd has wanted to do and just buggered off with the other kids, keeps just picking my newborn up without asking, moaning to play on my iPad and get the rabbits out when it's pissing down. I could go on I actually had to leave the room while dinner was happening!
Never known anything like it!

Whilst I've taken children home for less... I'd not write this little girl off just yet.

Two of my DS (12)'s friends were both actually banned from my house for appalling behaviour/attitude - one when my son was 6, and one when my son was 9.

The first boy was banned when he repeatedly ignored my telling him not to jump on our (brand new) sofa and certainly not with muddy shoes on. The second time he did it, I told him that if he disobeyed me again, I would take him home and that would be the end of his coming into our home. He looked me dead in the eye, grinned... and jumped on the sofa whilst shouting "fuck you!". I marched him home. Told his mother what he'd done... and got "oh, X would never do or say that!" in response. Well, lady, he did and he has, and he's banned!

The second, was because of the arrogant way in which he totally demoralised my son, belittled my daughter, and sneered at me for working from home. Again, taken home. My son went to his house a week later for a few hours after school (came out of the school gates, "oh, please can I go, Mum, pleasepleaseplease?!" sort of thing) with no black eyes/lumps on his head. I collected him from their house... black eye and a massive lump on his head. The mother? Had no idea what on earth had happened... it wasn't either one of her beloved boys... he must have done it at school! Turned out that the older boy had shoved him over so that the younger one could poke him in the eye with a light saber. Banned. If I could have proven it... the police would have been called, but my son was ridiculously upset about it and just wanted to forget about it.

Today? He's friends with both of the boys who are banned from my house. They walk to senior school together, they play in the local park together, they ride their bikes together. The two boys also know that I don't stand for any nonsense, and that when I say I'm going to enforce a consequence for the choice they've made? It stands. They arrive when their parents aren't at home, forlorn looks on their faces, and know that I'll make sure they're okay. Also that I can contact their mothers on social media and they'll respond to those messages whilst ignoring their son's calls to their cell'phones... Today, the boys are all 11 and 12. They're polite, they're respectful and we have conversations about history and why I make my son wear a helmet when he rides his bike (actually, I don't: he chooses to because he's seen the long-lasting damage of a brain injury within the family). The first boy, the "fuck you!" sofa jumper's mother woke up to his behaviour and dealt with it. The second boy's mother is still oblivious to it all - his younger brother's one to avoid at all costs, still, I'm afraid! - and likes to blame their friends for it all. Some parents are like that, though. At the moment, her older son respects the rules for/in my home, and that's all I can hope for.

So give Little Miss PITA a very wide berth with regards to her setting foot in your home, but don't interfere with your daughter's friendship with her. She may be like the two boys above and grow up/realise that she's missing out because of her behaviour/change. In a few years, your daughter may have made the choice not to be friends with her anymore, and all's well that ends well. But that has to be her choice, I'm afraid.

It is, however, your choice as to whether she ever sets foot inside your home again.

Children have to be taught how to behave in social situations just as they have to be taught how to do everything else. You are there as the grown-up in a position of trust and can at least offer some pointers while keeping it a nice experience.

Children don't mostly want to do things wrong or make people around them feel bad, but they can't get this stuff from intuition and have no clue how things will play out with other people.

I would kindly, gently and positively point out where we might do it a better way or at least a different way in our house, and say you must never ever pick up the baby without asking, and the whole time strenuously avoid making her feel like a terrible person, just keep it positive, light, calm and happy.

I would then either recount to parents if you think they are the sort to be arsed and without sounding snotty, judgy or unpleasant. or if it really doesn't go well just leave it.

I remember those clingy needy girls who always want to be holding the puppy / rabbits / baby rather than playing with other kids.

I think it is not her fault, it's her upbringing, and for all the parents who are sure that their kids are well behaved, after many years of play dates and teas with kids I know very well from birth, I can report that kids behave very very differently in a GROUP of other children and when away from home than they do when alone under the surveillance of their parents.

And kids who do 'eat anything' at home do indeed stop in their tracks when the fish pie / shepherd's pie / bolognaise / isn't the same as at home, and wasn't what they were expecting.

I would just say 'I think we can do without the rude words and sounds, thank you, visiting child!'

But I get venting.

To clarify your job in this situation is not to successfully modify someone else's DCs behaviour or anything like that.

It is to offer very light training-wheels versions of social cues an adult would understand and generally be kind so they can learn a lesson.

This is how I would hope someone trusted with my DC would behave given a little showing off, it's what I would I do as well.

What a rude little shit. I wouldn't have her over again if I were you. Ungrateful brat.

Lola, I've just seen your update...

You need to tell this child's mother about her behaviour - particularly about her insisting that your 6 year old fetch her a dead hamster from its grave to play with! That's not normal behaviour for any age group, I'm afraid! Tell her mother, let her choose whether to listen to what you have to say (kindly) and seek help for her child, or ignore you completely until something drastic happens.

Sofa jumper's mother ignored it, couldn't believe that her beloved little boy (he's the youngest) was capable of such behaviour... until he threw a chair at their class teacher and she ended up being told that either she sought outside help for his escalating behaviour, or he was expelled. Fortunately, she choose the former. But it had to be her/her husband's choice. She worked out (and I know this because I'm friends as opposed to "friends" with her now) that his invites to other boys houses had pretty much stopped, I refused to allow my son to go to his 7th birthday party even though she told me that he was desperate for my son to attend, other mothers had said things like "oh, he didn't want to eat what we'd made for supper..." and "oh, he's very loud, isn't he?", and "oh, my!, he has a lot of energy!" (seemingly, out of the group of friends, I'm the only one who says "your son ignored my requests not to jump on my furniture, and swore at me, he was told that coming home two hours early was the consequence if he chose to continue, and he foolishly didn't think that I'd follow through", the rest just crept around the problem and allowed her the chance to pretend that everything was okay/ignore the problem until it was too late).

At least give Little Miss PITA's mother the chance to help her child.

She may be hoping that all little girls that age behave in the same way/are just like Little Miss PITA.

How on earth was all this extra stuff going on without you noticing??

I had a memorable playdate in which visiting child deliberately weed on a bed. She also drew on the furniture - when I told her to stop, she pelted me with soft fruit!

Another in which a child put a poo in a sock and left it in my baby's bed.

I ALWAYS tell them off. And tell the parents. How else can they learn? Both children have matured a lot since then, and have been welcomed back into my home - I think acting on it at the time is better than just never having them round again.

Possibly because OP has at least three other children (from posts? your 12yo, your 2yo, and your newborn?) and a husband, dinner to cook, possibly other things to do...

Additionally I would expect, if I had a 9yo over to play with my similarly aged child, the two could entertain each other unsupervised for at least some of the time. They're not five.

Completely missed the 6yo somehow! Sorry!

Exactly.. obviously the hamster thing went on in the garden, the other stuff I obviously didn't notice as I can't follow a child round the house. I'm mortified though. My partner was in the kitchen while they had dinner apparently along with the stupid noises she sat there burping loudly and spat the food back onto the plate, my six year old said he didn't eat his dinner because she made him feel sick. I'll admit I didn't see half of it as I couldn't bear to be in the same room as her after the stupid noises...so I went upstairs and started this thread!

I had activitys set up for her and my dd to do which my dd was excited about but the girl just said no I don't want to do that.

You really need to tell her mum about her behaviour. At least you can say you told her and if she asks for her to come round again you can say not after the behaviour last time.

That is appaling for a 9 yr old.

Thanks Ginslinger .

contrary13. Great words of wisdom.

Right now Lola you seem rather too angry and reliving the the event. Following on from what contrary said, I really do think it would be wise to calmly explain the issues to the girls' mother. It sounds as though the girl has some pretty deep rooted self esteem issues tbh, which she's masking with poor behaviour. Writing her off as naughty and no longer welcome isn't going to help the girl or the mother.

she sounds like she had problems i would tell the mum just so shes aware at leeast of her odd behaviour

Nobody expects... the spinach layer
unapaloma I'm going to use that next time i serve it to an unsuspecting guest

Sounds like it's something her mother is well aware of.

She needs to sort her manners out or she won't get invited on any other dinner/play dates.

I would be furious I'm my DC had behaved like that.

Wow. She's 9! 9!! And I've read on here that she should be drowned in a bucket and roundhouse kicked. Wow.
Of course she shouldn't behave as she does. But if she's being dragged up at home instead of being taught proper manners and decency then this is what you get. It's not her fault.

The thing is I do t think she is being dragged up..

Op tell her mother! What a brat!
Never have her over again.

YANBU . She's a little PITA and needs to learn some manners. Don't invite her around again unless it's clear that behaviour just isn't welcome in your house. Her loss. Needs to learn.

tbh ... I have been told theres no such thing as bad behaviour from a kid for no reason, her parents are perhaps over indulgent or just don't pay the child enough attention. So she either never hears the word no at home or knows the only way to get any kind of attention, negative or positive, is to act out. Have ing said that she's not your responsibility and I don't blame you for not wanting her to visit again. Just keep in the back of your mind there's almost always a reason kids behave the way they do and they don't have the sophistication of adult emotions and verbalisation to say whats wrong.

If the little one is like this at yours, then she's probably like it at others houses too. If your DD genuinely benefits from the relationship, then it might be worth talking to the little girl re the behaviour you expect in your house - long term this will be to the little ones benefit. If your dd doesn't, then just move on.. My little girl of 9 had a similar 'friend'...I did explain to her what I expected in my home, as it was pertinent at the time and I see that as part of my role as an adult, but didn't talk to the Mum as my little one didn't want to pursue the friendship.....

I would say "shes hated every minute of it. im sure she wouldnt want to darken my door again". She would not be invited again.