To never invite this annoying little brat round again

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

Dds friend (9) is round for dinner... know she is a fussy fucker but her mum did tell me she eats anything. Cue today Shepard pie , after picking all the peas out of the damn thing she proceeds to sit at the table making super loud ewww, and yuck noises, while moaning she doesn't like it. There are 5 other kids sat round the table ffs.

She had also completely ignored anything my dd has wanted to do and just buggered off with the other kids, keeps just picking my newborn up without asking, moaning to play on my iPad and get the rabbits out when it's pissing down. I could go on I actually had to leave the room while dinner was happening!
Never known anything like it!

It's very difficult to involve the parents though. A few years ago I tactfully (or so I thought) mentioned some pretty awful behaviour from a boy who I felt was not only out of control but quite sly at blaming other visiting children.

The mother (a friend) made my life an utter misery for years afterwards.

Actually, from what you describe it sounds as if the child has some very real (and probably undiagnosed) difficulties. Whilst I can understand it's irritating, I'm seriously shocked at many of the intolerant, abusive, unpleasant and childlike responses from adults who really should know better. A bit of understanding, thinking about why she is like this (not necessarily "bad" parenting!) and some tolerance wouldn't come amiss. It feels as if everybody is very ready to jump on the sanctimonious and self-righteous bandwagon to scapegoat this child and shout "My little darling would never behave like this!" ...........and remember.........she IS a child. How about having some adult behaviour?

I do actually agree from some of the sheer weirdness of the behaviour that there may be something there..I wouldn't be worried about telling her mum as her mum is one of these Sickly nicey nice people and I know she would just apologise.

It's just I don't want to embarrass her (the mum)

I know a 9 year old girl just like this. She is a precocious little brat, who LOVES attention - and will do pretty much anything to get that attention. She has a terrible air of 'self importance'.

She cries when she doesn't get her own way - i.e; she will ask someones Mother if she can go to their house to play and have dinner, they will say 'Not today, we have an afterschool activity' so she will go off and cry to her Mum that they have been rude and upset her.
Her Parents? Well, they know what she is like and laugh it off. When she hasn't got her own way with friends and she goes off crying, her parents rush to 'calm her down' and sympathise with her and then say they will take her out for a treat or new toy.
There is no hope for her and yes, it's the Parents fault.

shes 9, there are all kinds of reasons why kids behave the way they do, it sounds there underlying stuff going on here. People are so quick to judge, you probably wont invite her again, so thats the end it it surely. Kids develop differently at at different rates with social skills that is that.

what would you like her mum to do?

YABVU - the correct etiquette in these situations is to drown the little minger in a bucket!

I am sure it never said that in any chld care book. More's the pity!!!

Dd is 5, I had banned friends for tea until aged 8. Might not bother at all. I had one child throw a box at my head from the top bunk, brought tears to my eyes. I didn't dare open my mouth, had to leave the room.
!!

MCamp10, totally agree, there doesn t seem to be alot of hope for kids, when adults are so quick to judge.

I have a feeling that the people on here who are criticising the OP for daring to sound critical about a horrible 9 year old (9 folks, not 4!) probably have similarly bratty children and are feeling a bit sheepish...

Years ago a neighbour's child came to our boy's 9th birthday. She was the same age. No a friend of his, but the party was in the garden and we thought it would be nice to ask her. She pushed everyone around - literally and metaphorically - and I had a gentle word, telling her to be nice, share etc. Son was wearing a tie (fancy dress, David Tennant as Doctor Who) and she throttled him with it. Called me from the loo and asked me to get my husband. I asked if I could help her with anything. She kept insisting she wanted my husband. When I told her that she should come out, her flies were open on her extraordinarily tight jeans. She gave me a sly look and said she wanted my husband to help her do her zip up. I did it for her. She finally kicked our dog, hard, in the ribs when he walked past her. I marched her straight home.
She leaned out of her bedroom for about an hour loudly fake crying.
Do I think she's a brat? Yes! And an aggressive weirdo.
We never invited her round again.

intolerant, abusive, unpleasant and childlike responses from adults who really should know better

I agree with this, some of the comments about a young child have been disgusting.

simiisme, case closed....its worrying that you have harboured and remembered the incident years ago, you clearly havent moved on from this. no doubt your own children have never been brattish in any way whatsoever.

She definitely sounds as if she might have some neurological issues/social developmental delays - my son and lots of other children I have got to know are on the higher end of the autistic spectrum. They say things that appear rude because they can't imagine how it will seem to others; they can get really hyperactive and unsettled; they can be unaware of the effect they are having on others; they have sensory issues and are very fussy eaters; my son slides down the stairs on his tummy and is generally very bouncy and sensory seeking. No one would call a child a horrible brat because they really struggled with their reading or maths and were way behind the other kids. This is not an excuse for bad behaviour - it is essential the child is helped to learn and catch up, of course (like the dyslexic child needs help) but this is always best done with kindness. It's fine and good to inform the mum where her child is going wrong, but I would do it sensitively and without judgement.

I would have set the ground rules there and then - you might behave like that in your house but when you are here I won't have..... silly noises at the dinner tables, manhandling of baby and rabbits....
I'd have problem given her a sly kick under the table as well!
A 9 year old should know how to behave in other people's houses.

She's gone now...don't invite her again. She's only 9. Maybe she's going through something she can't speak to with anyone. Maybe her parents aren't very good listeners. Her behaviour is unacceptable but she is a child. Many people today forget that they are still deemed children.

Shepherds pie can vary so much person to person can't it though. You put peas in it I might not have liked it. Nor my son. We both have a thing about textures. Plus you know it's just asking for trouble. We had packet rice earlier as soon as I saw it had peas in I picked them all out in case he saw them. Huge success I got him to eat my chilli tonight. Though he did say it would have been better without the sweetcorn in it. ( we can't bear beans ) separately it would have been no problem I know but I just bunged them in! Some people don't like things in food. He wouldn't be rude though. (he's 14) she does sound a bit bored unoccupied.

Everyone is so focused on the food and being a brat which I find outrageous and would definitely be put straight in my house very sharpish, but I want to know what happened when you told her to leave the baby alone and what did the mother say when u told her that the child wouldn't leave your baby alone then took her dinner from her because she was a selfish b*h

Why do people insist now to say a child have difficulties or a syndrome???
How about the kid is just a little shit with no social etiquette!

YANBU. You've done all you could. You asked her mother if she ate everything. Mother said yes. You reported her horrible behaviour to her her mother. Now, just don't invite the horrible child ever again. Or maybe wait till she's 30?

to those that are using bad and aggressive language on here , do you thnk that this is acceptable?

Hear, hear, Luminosity! Quite shocked at the wording of some of the adults! Even if a child is a pita and you don't plan on inviting them again, at least demonstrate that you and your children are worthy role models in the first place!

DD had her friend round for tea. Checked with the parents if he was comfortable with dogs. All ok, they had a large dog themselves. DDs friend arrives, takes one look at the large but sleeping dog and climbs onto the dining table and refused to come down. Turfed dog upstairs to sleep on my bed. DDs friend still wasn't happy with this and every noise lead to him jumping back on table which I kinda needed to dish up the food on. Dog slept through whole event. Didn't invite said child back again.

my 9 year old would not have eaten shepherds pie, she can't eat anything sloppy/with mince in.
She might have eaten any vegetables that were not contaminated by the meat and some of the mashed potato.
She wouldn't touch fish fingers either.
Some kids are really really fussy, playdates are meant to be fun for everyone, i don't tolerate rudeness or boredom, am happy to cater to tastes.
Re the baby it would've been in a sling/bouncer chair/pram by my side the whole time.