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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never invite this annoying little brat round again

432 replies

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 16/05/2017 17:31

Dds friend (9) is round for dinner... know she is a fussy fucker but her mum did tell me she eats anything. Cue today Shepard pie , after picking all the peas out of the damn thing she proceeds to sit at the table making super loud ewww, and yuck noises, while moaning she doesn't like it. There are 5 other kids sat round the table ffs.

She had also completely ignored anything my dd has wanted to do and just buggered off with the other kids, keeps just picking my newborn up without asking, moaning to play on my iPad and get the rabbits out when it's pissing down. I could go on I actually had to leave the room while dinner was happening!
Never known anything like it!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2017 21:30

Thank god for that. I didn't remember op saying this but I put 2 and 2 together that your quote was in response to op saying there is something no one has picked up on.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 17/05/2017 21:45

The problem is how is she going to learn manners and develop social skills if 1) you or your DH didn't tell her off, or 2) you didn't tell her mum so she could have words with her. All that's happened is she's behaved badly and got away with it which is not a good lesson at all.

Willow2017 · 17/05/2017 21:55

Yellowbird

OP invited the child into her home, fed her, she had toys to play with a garden to play in and she threw it all back in the op and her family's face. She was rude, destructive and horrid to op's kids.

OP is sounding off on here. She didnt say or do anything to the kid apart from tell her to stop doing things she shouldnt have been doing in the first place which any 9 year old would know not to do.

I would be freaking raging about it all too and want to vent. Its not a crime. And many of the 'solutions' were tongue in cheek nobody is actually going to harm a child, get some perspective.

You know its entirely possible that she is just a proper little shit madam and needs a good telling off on a regular basis to reign her behaviour in. There are a few good examples of shitty (one literally) behaviour by kids on this thread.

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/05/2017 21:55

She definitely sounds as if she might have some neurological issues/social developmental delays - my son and lots of other children I have got to know are on the higher end of the autistic spectrum. They say things that appear rude because they can't imagine how it will seem to others; they can get really hyperactive and unsettled; they can be unaware of the effect they are having on others; they have sensory issues and are very fussy eaters; my son slides down the stairs on his tummy and is generally very bouncy and sensory seeking. No one would call a child a horrible brat because they really struggled with their reading or maths and were way behind the other kids. This is not an excuse for bad behaviour - it is essential the child is helped to learn and catch up, of course (like the dyslexic child needs help) but this is always best done with kindness. It's fine and good to inform the mum where her child is going wrong, but I would do it sensitively and without judgement.*

Oh look, there it is.

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/05/2017 21:56

Also, and I seem to be almost on my own in this apparently, but when I was growing up, we were told to eat what we were given, especially at other people's houses.

MaisyPops · 17/05/2017 21:58

So the thread is:
OP vents about a rude child and gives examples
People express sympathy and give advice on the situation (and some say the child acts like a brat)
Others refuse to accept that it's not the child's fault and we end up with speculation that the child might have SEN needs.

Reebs123 · 17/05/2017 22:06

Her mother was probably glad to get rid of the "peppy pig on speed" for a few hours! 😂😂😂 but poor OP, i knew a kid like this once.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 17/05/2017 22:17

Lots of people seem to be saying that you can't make a child like something and they if they can't eat it, they can't it.even one poster said she "couldn't eat" shepherds pie! I'm sorry but wtaf?!!! There are a few things I'm not keen on, and maybe one or two that I actively dislike. I would NEVER in a billion years, not eat them if I was at someone's house and they made it for me. I smile,say thanks,and just eat it. Because that's normal,social,polite behaviour. It's just what normal,socially aware people do. And I expect my 5 year old to do the same.

Yellowbird54321 · 17/05/2017 22:24

Willow I do have perspective - it's not the same as yours. I don't see children as *little shits" .

Rabbit01 · 17/05/2017 22:39

Smile MaisyPops - fab summary. Night all

ocelot41 · 17/05/2017 22:44

I never really got this eating something you hate as being polite thing. DS had a play date recently. As it happens, I also made Shepherds pie. He didn't like it. So I got him some beans on toast. No problem. Agree the making yuk noises and lack of boundaries was really inappropriate and dangerous. If my DS did this, I hope someone would tell me so I could deal with it (suspected SEN in this house, but but sure yet). There are ways of doing this without sounding judgy. Personally, I would say that you had some difficulties when you were over because she didn't listen to house rules - like not walking in on an adult dressing and not picking up a baby. You found that really hard to deal with, and you feel awkward saying it but thought you probably should as ur put her and others at risk.

MCamp10 · 17/05/2017 22:48

So pleased and relieved to see the posts from Barbsbarbs, Corrimony and Wisteriainwhite. I was beginning to think the world was full of judgemental, unpleasant and vitriolic parents whose children never put a foot wrong! Some of the posts on here sadden and worry me. If parents are so opinionated, closed minded and lacking in understanding and empathy for young people, what chance do their own children stand?

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/05/2017 22:51

There are a few things I'm not keen on, and maybe one or two that I actively dislike. I would NEVER in a billion years, not eat them if I was at someone's house and they made it for me. I smile,say thanks,and just eat it. Because that's normal,social,polite behaviour. It's just what normal,socially aware people do.

Yes, exactly.

I had one guest turn their nose up at the entirety of a roast dinner (lamb). Who doesn't like roast potatoes?

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/05/2017 22:52

I was beginning to think the world was full of judgemental, unpleasant and vitriolic parents whose children never put a foot wrong!

Not one poster on this thread has said their children 'never put a foot wrong'.

DixieNormas · 17/05/2017 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 17/05/2017 23:00

I also know 2 children who won't eat potato I'm any form, not even chips!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 17/05/2017 23:06

You could have told her about her behaviour. If told nicely then sure it would have been fine. I've had to do this with other children, remind them to say thank you etc, as long as said in as non-judgmental way as possible it's fine. Sure I got told about (minor) things as a child, other adults can tell children how to behave if they forget their manners. Perhaps you were being too nice and not clear. Not really nice to say what you have behind her back. Yes very frustrating, but still. Let's hope your own children don't do anything wrong and experience such judgementalness.

kali110 · 17/05/2017 23:11

barbsbarbs
If someone had injured my pet i'd remember it and i'd certainly have much harsher names for them Hmm how ridiculous.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 18/05/2017 00:02

...calling a CHILD a brat, little shit etc is just horrible

I'd be interested to hear your views on Jon Venables and Robert Thompson in that case.

Blimey01 · 18/05/2017 05:46

Graceflorrick

'The child is 9, not 19! This thread is really unkind. Tolerance and compassion go a long way. I would be really embarrassed if a child annoyed me to the point I felt the need to 1. Contact her mum. 2. Laugh about her online. 3. Refer to her in such a mean way.

At least you feel completely vindicated because everyone seems to agree with you on here. I hope this post has made you feel good about yourself!'

Yep I agree. Reminds me of some the Mum's I've met at DC's school that stand round slagging off a kids behaviour or how they are parented. It's usually those Mum's that think their DC's are little angels or don't have any additional needs. It says a lot more about them.

MaisyPops · 18/05/2017 06:43

I was beginning to think the world was full of judgemental, unpleasant and vitriolic parents whose children never put a foot wrong!
Nobody has said their children are perfect. Hmm

And I don't understand this logic that crops up every now and again which seems to be:

Op- this child has behaved badly and this is what happened
Poster 2- well I'm glad your children are so perfect that you can go around judging other children. You don't know the back story.

No child is perfect. Not all kids behave as badly as others. Not all badly behaved kids have additional needs.

This child has behaved badly and has been rude. Enough people on here have pointed out OP checked with the mum about food. Despite that the food was just one part of the day, and when the mother was told they've brushed it off as the child being 'outspoken' (which will turn into stroppy teenage attitude and a total lack of respect by teenage years). I wouldn't be banning the friendship, but I'd be encouraging other ones.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 18/05/2017 06:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 18/05/2017 06:59

who the fuck do you lot think you are to shut them down in a shitty way?

Ignoring the aggressive tone. Nobody is shutting the discussion down.

  1. There MAY BE additional needs.
  2. It may well be that the child is used to behaving thay way and mum seems to accept that being 'outspoken' is some lovely trait to have (for outspoken, read rude).

I think what people are wary about (and no its come up on other threads) is that sometimes people can be quick to say it's probably an SEN need (when there's overlap between some bad behaviour and some SEN needs).

  1. Not all children with SEN needs display rude and poor behaviour.
  2. Not all bad behaviour is SEN.

It doesn't change the situation which is a child is behaving poorly and being rude, showing no respect for others and the mother is accepting it and explain the behaviour away (many parents on these type threads who have children with Send Needs make the very clear they would want to know to put strategies in place etc. They don't just explain away the behaviour)

SEND or NT, the child is being told they can act how they like and that is the problem.

Willow2017 · 18/05/2017 07:50

Why should anyone feel 'embarassed' that someone else's child behaved so badly that they had to take them home? It's not op' s fault the child behaved badly. She didn't tell the child to throw toys downstairs, make disgusting noises at the table, keep trying to pick up the baby, take the baby's food away etc etc. So why should she be embarrassed?
If a child in your home is rude and playing up despite numerous tellings them they go home why is that not right?

vixen68 · 18/05/2017 08:01

I would have thought that if the child in question had special needs of any kind the mother would of been open and given a list. Children mimic what they see particularly at the dinner table , perhaps their mummy daddy and siblings have a similar way of vocalising distaste at a food offering. Personally I wouldn't invite said child again. its not unreasonable to feel
Like this - bullying not - posting to get an opinion is more constructive than not.

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