To think I win the batshit hen do game...?

[mynotsohumbleopinion]

Months ago friend asked if I would come on her hen do... cited then as a "cheap weekend in Europe". No problem says I! Well cheap isnt how I'd describe it now!

The hen do is in A well known party island. This weekend. Thurs to Sunday.And the costs have just spiralled.

We were told it was There months and months ago and asked to pay around £450 to the MOH for "accommodation and food etc". It was so far in advance that flights weren't even fully released by easyJet at the time, but she assured us it was pre-opening weekend so they'd be cheap. I've never been so why would I argue this? Flash forward another couple of months to when they are released - turns out that the cheapest return is 90 quid and only then if you go to stanstead at stupid o'clock in the morning, which nobody can really as we all live far from there... the only viable options for pretty much everyone were expensive airlines like ba. £250 later I had flights.

Most people did think that the £450 we paid MOH would be covering most things, so nobody complained really. It was only this week when we were sent the "itinerary" that it became clear how much incorrect assumption we had all made on that front... turns out that the £4500 she's had overall only pays for 3 nights in an airbnb villa not even close to town. I know we all
Should have asked but who on earth would think to?! And actually, I seem to be the only person who thinks this is actually stupid...

The list of costs we will now incur are as follows...:

-- Taxis from airport - 50 euros (we can share this if others are on our plane)
-- Taxis to the main town for each and every activity and meal.
-- All meals out other than breakfast and some snacks for thurs night.
-- Although the villa has a lovely pool, we will apparently be spending Friday at a beach club. Paying for the entry. Where we will have lunch at another cost. Then dinner I suppose. Oh and we are expected to chip in to buy the bride lunch that day at around 10 euro each (100 overall??!)
-- outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.
-- no booze included at all so she wants us to pick it up duty free. There are no shops near the villa.
-- stupid dress codes for the Saturday which I haven't personally bought anything for but others have had to.
-- she wants us to contribute to a "hen survival box".

I'm broke and I haven't even got there... I'd love to pull out now but flights and accommodation alone mean I'm £700 down!

I win don't I? This is just ridiculous...

Do you know any of the other bridesmaids well? Why don't you contact them and see what they think? If a few of you say you don't want to do the beach club etc then perhaps you could negotiate a cheaper weekend.

I'd also contact the MoH and let her know that it's too much. BTW don't say you 'cant' afford to spend that amount of money say you don't 'want' to spend that amount of money. Keep reminding everyone that it was meant to be a cheap weekend in Europe.

The thing about ocean beach is that in real life it is so so so cringey

Lots of wannabe footballers wives/towie lot all perched with one butt check on a bed as they've crowded 12 people on one bed in order to afford it. Just an opportunity for a Facebook tag at ocean beach.

It's bloody awful honestly! Would rather go to Nassau anyday of the week.

McTufty - just because your expectation of giving your friends a good send off is more than a KFC bucket doesn't mean everyone agrees!

I think it's crass as anything to expect your friends and/or family to 'send you off' in style when they've already budgeted and booked for your wedding? Especially when you've been living together for ages so what exactly is changing?

FWIW I went for a meal with the few women invited to my wedding, then went home and had a migraine

I went to Marbella once and he minimum spend was about £4K for the day. Thankfully I was with a work incentive and the boss was bankrolling it but you'd get ejected if you sat on a bed that wasn't yours.

Honestly never heard of this. Jaysus, it's a glimpse into a whole new crazy world of how the "other half" live!
Bonkers.

Again, I say, as I have said many times before on Mumsnet: hen dos are the biggest waste of time and money ever.

Can anyone honestly say that a hen do was in their top 10 nights out/weekends away? Or even their top 50?

Too much money. Not everyone getting on. Inevitable tension. Puking. Someone doing something they regret.

The tight smiles on a Sunday afternoon at Luton airport say it all.

Just pull out! You may feel you've spent a lot of money now, but it's peanuts compared to how pissed off and poor you'll be feeling after the big (and expensive) event...

Pull out OP, it is just going to spiral in cost for a holiday you probably wouldn't have chosen for yourself, why should you cover someone else?

What I don't understand is why, if these brides and MOH are so loaded and have such expensive tastes, they don't just pay for everything for the people they want to come? I am only 22 so none of my peers have got married yet, a few are engaged, but I had assumed that if you have a stag or hen do you pay for the base costs like accommodation and have budget set for spending on activities and maybe let people buy their own drinks and meals. They are your guests fgs! To expect your friends to pay everything and to cover the brides expenses too is ridiculous, maybe when hen do's consisted of a night at a local bar dressed in silly costumes but not on extravagant foreign holidays.

DP is planning on renting an air bnb for his stag (is keen on a boxing gym in Prague so his guests will be in sleeping bags on the floor) and inviting people to come and would only expect them to pay flights, and he would cover anyone he wanted to be there that couldn't afford it, because surely the whole point is to celebrate with your closest friends and if you want them to be there you will find a way of doing it. I want to either go back to a lovely boutique hotel in Budapest that my MOH and I have stayed in before, or do a spa weekend at babington house, I fully expected to cover all costs including spa treatments, as had DP and we are budgeting for it as part of the wedding.

If they can't afford to pay for it and that is why they are essentially getting their friends to pay for their holiday then it's a case of Champagne tastes and Pepsi pockets and I wouldn't be funding their extravagances. It's as cheeky as the people I've read about on here making a profit on hotel rooms for their wedding, disgusting behaviour towards people who you count as your nearest and dearest.

jeez all these people trying to out do each other on how much nicer they are than everyone else for having a cheap hen do. Let the bride and bridesmaids book what they want - you don't have to go!

tazerface

I'm quite happy to do a KFC bucket if that's what my friend wants! Because I don't see it as all about me. I'm supporting a friend and I don't resent it within reason. If she wants a kfc bucket, great. If she wants to camp in wales, great. If she wants to go out in manchester, great.

Then again I don't see going to celebrate my friend's wedding as a drain on my expenses, so I guess it just depends on how you view things. Frankly anyone who resents the expense of attending my U.K. based and local to most people wedding is very welcome not to come because believe it or not, it costs the couple quite a lot of money to host their guests and quite happy to save pennies rather than waste them on people with such a negative attitude.

This guy knows how to have fun.

I have actually been to precisely one lovely hen do. so it can be done.

Cottage in the highlands, plenty of wine, tea, coffee, bacon butties and cakes. Nice hike for those who wanted to, bimble around the love for those unfit/unwilling/too pregnant to hike. Wine, nice conversation, nice meal out. All good.

I acknowledge that's not everyone's idea of a great time, but it suited both the hen and thewomen present, which is the intent, right?

God that sounds horrific. My DH had his stag in Ibiza and spent loads of time organising it. Total for the weekend was less than £250 each including entry to the club (admittedly my DH paid for a table, he didn't want his friends to have to spend £££). I'm assuming it's all booked now? If not or if there is any way of cancelling, get the MOH to check out BA group bookings. It was brilliant, meant they got BA flights, plus accommodation for so much less. Plus they were really flexible with numbers and names etc.

Have you spoken to any of the other guests about this new itinerary?

I've spent around £1500 on a week in Ibiza all inclusive for 4 people!

Ok its a family holiday so we wont be clubbing but surely an all inclusive would have been a better idea, centrally located so saving on taxi fares. Drinks and most food included, then those who wanted to go clubbing could go every night and blow as much cash as they wanted and those who had a tighter budget or not wanting to go clubbing could have drinks with the Hen before they went off.

That would then have saved plenty of cash for a big blowout and the minimum spend divided between the group for the beach club.

I got married in 1998 when hen weekends didn't seem to exist. I went for a meal and a few drinks the night before my wedding and now dh went into town with his friends for a few drinks.

Do you have travel insurance? Depending on your policy you might still get 50% back if you cancelled now.

It's enough to watch them roaming the town, all of them looking pasty and greenish under the fake tan and smudged thick make-up with the identical ironed hair and silly t-shirts, looking like geriatric muttons pretending to be spring lambs

I'm 29 and have been to a handful of Hen Dos in the last couple of years, and they've all been very civilised. The last one was a walk on Hampstead Heath, a pub lunch and dinner back at home. No fake tan in sight. Mine was a barn dance and finger food. No need to tar all Hen Dos with the same brush!

I live in Bournemouth I can make lots of recommendations that won't cost you anywhere near a few days in Ibiza

Lol do people still go to Ibiza

Yes, hundreds of thousands of them every year. It's a beautiful island.

"I think the worst thing is when it is compulsory - the Spanish "we are giving you time to save" is a dreadful example of this."

A bride who thinks her hen do is 'compulsory' has to be the definition of entitled. No party is compulsory - it is an invitation, not a Royal command. Does no-one sit these bridezillas down and tell them that their wedding is not the centre of everyone else's life, and that they can't expect people to spend a fortune to go on an expensive hen do (or more than one - I have seen accounts on here of two or even three hen dos ), and then spend another fortune to go to the wedding??

My friends hen do cost me £70 in total, we went for dinner and then on to a club we had a vip booth and separate outdoor area, It was lovely and I had money left over at the end of the night, I went out with £100. I am gobsmacked at this lavish and ott hen do's, if I get married, it will be a cheap and cheerful one

I have been on two Hen Dos for weekends. One the couple had money and hired a lovely cottage for the weekend and paid for everything.
Second one, a cheap weekend away, we were consulted lots about the costs and whole weekend probably cost about £200.
Both were great fun.

None of the BMs other than the MOH are going. They have all cited shifts and work etc but I bet miraculously these aren't issues the weekend of the wedding so I think it's fairly clear that they just don't want to pay.

Bride knows its expensive and I think is a bit concerned about it but her excitement overwhelms her worry and she almost immediately seems to forget her worries whenever its mentioned in passing.

I cant really pull out now. It's too late and I've invested enough. I will just have to be sober and hungry for a few days. I wont be going to another one without first telling this story and asking for clarification.

In the meantime, I will have to use some saving and try my best to be as clever about the spending as possible. Another person going has just agreed to have a chat with the MOH on the first night with me to see if we can change the beach club to a place she knows that is a bit less ridiculous on food prices...

My hen night involved me and a friend having dinner out where I got chatted up by a chap on his stag night!

When I got home home (at a civilised hour) I called into my neighbours and got totally rat-arsed, they knew how to entertain!

I crawled up the stairs to find husband to be in bed wondering where I was, it was about four in the morning.

The hangover dissipated over the course of the next week I'm glad to say.

Some of these totally bonkers hen weekends baffle me, at least mine was spontaneous and memorable 20 yrs later. Although I don't remember much after crossing the neighbours threshold!