To think I win the batshit hen do game...?

[mynotsohumbleopinion]

Months ago friend asked if I would come on her hen do... cited then as a "cheap weekend in Europe". No problem says I! Well cheap isnt how I'd describe it now!

The hen do is in A well known party island. This weekend. Thurs to Sunday.And the costs have just spiralled.

We were told it was There months and months ago and asked to pay around £450 to the MOH for "accommodation and food etc". It was so far in advance that flights weren't even fully released by easyJet at the time, but she assured us it was pre-opening weekend so they'd be cheap. I've never been so why would I argue this? Flash forward another couple of months to when they are released - turns out that the cheapest return is 90 quid and only then if you go to stanstead at stupid o'clock in the morning, which nobody can really as we all live far from there... the only viable options for pretty much everyone were expensive airlines like ba. £250 later I had flights.

Most people did think that the £450 we paid MOH would be covering most things, so nobody complained really. It was only this week when we were sent the "itinerary" that it became clear how much incorrect assumption we had all made on that front... turns out that the £4500 she's had overall only pays for 3 nights in an airbnb villa not even close to town. I know we all
Should have asked but who on earth would think to?! And actually, I seem to be the only person who thinks this is actually stupid...

The list of costs we will now incur are as follows...:

-- Taxis from airport - 50 euros (we can share this if others are on our plane)
-- Taxis to the main town for each and every activity and meal.
-- All meals out other than breakfast and some snacks for thurs night.
-- Although the villa has a lovely pool, we will apparently be spending Friday at a beach club. Paying for the entry. Where we will have lunch at another cost. Then dinner I suppose. Oh and we are expected to chip in to buy the bride lunch that day at around 10 euro each (100 overall??!)
-- outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.
-- no booze included at all so she wants us to pick it up duty free. There are no shops near the villa.
-- stupid dress codes for the Saturday which I haven't personally bought anything for but others have had to.
-- she wants us to contribute to a "hen survival box".

I'm broke and I haven't even got there... I'd love to pull out now but flights and accommodation alone mean I'm £700 down!

I win don't I? This is just ridiculous...

My cousin had her hen party in Ibiza but her very generous and well off mum paid for most of it as she married young and her friends are all young. It looks like my idea of hell though.

They can have what they want. that's not the issue. The issue is that the op was misled.

Ask if they can replace you with another guest in the villa/flight and give you your money back. If not decide whether you would be happier to spend a fortune on the whole weekend or whether it is better to lose the £450 and change the flights for a cheaper break at a different time. Worst case you could just go and spend a nice weekend relaxing at the villa by yourself bet you might find some of the others willing too while they go and party. Would the bride understand?

Why don't you just get ill on the plane and spend a couple of days 'recovering' around the pool?

You need to tackle the itiniary now with the MOH I think. Or she may well book things up and you'll be expected to pay as you've been so passive.

Yes you could say that you can't afford all these things, that you can come and spend the weekend at the villa, but won't be able to join them on nights out.

I have a feeling that even if you go and don't participate in the expensive 'beds' etc you will still be expected to pay your share of the costs. I think clarification on how much they are would be a good idea, as of its £3000 for the ten of you to have the bed then that's £300 for your share alone, of course it could be much more reasonable than that.

I'd email and say you wont be taking cards so need to know what you are expected to pay out for so you have an idea.

I hope despite all of this you have a fantastic time. Ibiza is a beautiful island and there is so much more to it than clubs and bars.

I am now feeling not at all jealous about the fact I have been on one hen do (to a male strip club) in my entire life- about 25 years ago.

I hate it when you think you are committing to one thing, and it ends up being a whole different kettle of fish.

You need to tackle the itinerary now with the MOH I think.

This x 100.

I agree - if you're going to go through with this (and I really wouldn't), you need to tackle the MOH about the price issues now, not when you step off the plane. If I'd organised an entire hen weekend and had it all nailed down, and people got off the plane and started trying to change things around, I'd go apeshit. (Equally I would never arrange something so pointlessly extravagant and tedious as this hen weekend sounds like it's going to be but that's beside the point).

I can honestly see everyone falling out either before or during this weekend, about different budgets and attitudes to spending, and you will have a truly shit time whilst down god knows how many £000. I'd consider whether pulling out is the lesser of two evils, both financially and for your relationship with the bride.

OP,
You should let the MoH know now that you don't want to spend much. Not going to the beach club is a simple way to cut back but if you leave it to late she may already book.

It would be silly to be bothered by this but say nothing until the last minute.

I'd send an email or text (then it can't be be forgotten about) and say that although the he itenery looks fun that you and your other friend don't want to spend too much and could they look into having a day around the pool rather than the beach club.

You messed up by not asking before - I think you need to be more vocal.

So I took the advice above and text her to ask.

Apparently she hasn't booked beds at the beach club so there's no min spend - she's just booked a table for lunch and we are going to get public sun loungers? Does this sound right?

She reckons it's just good and booze and taxis and we won't have to pay for anything else and, other than the beach club and inside he actual clubs, we can just eat and drink "locally" at cheaper places the rest of the time. Does this sound right to people who have been?

I've also told her it's too expensive and she's just dismissed it as "don't worry too much about the costs. We are only
At the beach club one day". Ffs

I think you run the risk of really falling out with the MOH and bride after this hen do. There is nothing like a group of people putting pressure on an individual to make you just go along with stuff to keep the peace. You will get roped into paying for stuff because it will be too embarrassing to say no. Even if you don't have the funds I can see you having to owe people when you get back. It sounds awful.

OP agree you are now in an unenviable situation and agree you should try and rein the MOH in a bit.

I don't have an issue with people having extravagent hen/stag do's, it doesn't make them selfish or bridezillas in my view. People can do what they like, same with weddings. It doesn't make you a better person because you had a small wedding or a low key hen do.

The key is whether the bride/groom are clear about time off work required and costs in advance (as obviously wasn't the case here) and that they don't expect that everyone will go.

You'll have to pay entry to all the clubs and beach club. The spend £ on at least one drink.

Text back and say

Can you tell me the entry costs of the clubs/places we are going to and their names as I need to budget for this. I'm glad you've said about the local less expensive places as I have a fixed budget for this as per your £450 costings, there's nothing worse than spiralling costs!

If I'd organised an entire hen weekend and had it all nailed down, and people got off the plane and started trying to change things around, I'd go apeshit. (Equally I would never arrange something so pointlessly extravagant and tedious as this hen weekend sounds like it's going to be but that's beside the point).

Just to add to this. Please don't pretend to be ill or arrive and then declare you're not doing the planned things! I recently organised a hen do and it was mostly fine and we all had a great time, but I really had to grit my teeth when people kept making 'helpful' suggestions in the course of it (none of them were about saving money, btw - I had tried really hard to keep it as inexpensive as possible - more stuff like 'I don't want to do the (booked and with a deposit paid) karaoke, why don't we go to a club instead?' or 'why are we getting the bus? Can't you ring up now and get five taxis?'). I had been very clear in advance about the plans, and would have been open to suggestions (and very grateful for more help!) then, but I did feel that if you'd contributed 0 to the planning process, then it was a bit much to start nitpicking it on arrival... This hen do sounds awful and I'm sure you're not the only one thinking it - so speak up!

Oh, I've just realised it's this weekend. In that case the fault is hers as she really should have given you further details a lot closer than this.

Text back and say Can you tell me the entry costs of the clubs/places we are going to and their names as I need to budget for this.
This. I'd need to budget too, so I'd want a rough idea of how much I'd be spending - I'd want to know how much the clubs would be to get into, for example.
Bully for those like the MOH by the sounds of it where money just isn't an issue.

I feel bad because my afternoon tea hen do will cost people £25 + cocktails later if they want to.

Puts it into perspective somewhat.

Text back and say Can you tell me the entry costs of the clubs/places we are going to and their names as I need to budget for this.
This. I'd need to budget too, so I'd want a rough idea of how much I'd be spending - I'd want to know how much the clubs would be to get into, for example.

From the first post, the OP has been told this, and they're horrifyingly expensive, unfortunately:

outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.

Maybe ask for links so you can google costs? Names of clubs... then you'll have all the information rather than just being fobbed off again.

Eek. Hen events bring together those with totally different budgets and expectations hence the massive clash.

If half the group have big jobs, no kids and a work hard play hard mentality and the rest live outside London, maybe scaled back careers for small kids etc never the twain shall meet.

I had it the other way round sweet friend so keen to keep the costs down we stayed in a really really cheap hotel in a party town. My friend and I shared a room we both had multiple babies and toddlers and were so looking forward to first night night away for a proper sleep. Yep kept awake ALL NIGHT by twattish stag groups ramapaging down the corridors. We would have gladly paid £50 extra for a better place but keeping costs down was prioritised.

Could you go and do some of the activities and miss others? I did that on a friends hen do as i couldn't really afford everything. She should appreciate you being there and attending what you can.
Miss the clubs, chill at the villa with some wine and book :-D

Sorry- I may have forgotten the details from your original post.

Well- you have 2 options call the airline and get the flight cahnaged for one you can use down the line and save yourself some ££ or go and go with a good grace spend loadsa money and enjoy it!

But don't go and start backing out of things as that's not fair either.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

This really is a right mess now - she really should have told you all this much earlier, as it's pretty terrible now. I think if you say you're not coming to the activities she (and possibly some of the other attendees) will turn round and say you still have to pay, as it might well be that otherwise they all have to pay more for 'your share'.