To think I win the batshit hen do game...?

[mynotsohumbleopinion]

Months ago friend asked if I would come on her hen do... cited then as a "cheap weekend in Europe". No problem says I! Well cheap isnt how I'd describe it now!

The hen do is in A well known party island. This weekend. Thurs to Sunday.And the costs have just spiralled.

We were told it was There months and months ago and asked to pay around £450 to the MOH for "accommodation and food etc". It was so far in advance that flights weren't even fully released by easyJet at the time, but she assured us it was pre-opening weekend so they'd be cheap. I've never been so why would I argue this? Flash forward another couple of months to when they are released - turns out that the cheapest return is 90 quid and only then if you go to stanstead at stupid o'clock in the morning, which nobody can really as we all live far from there... the only viable options for pretty much everyone were expensive airlines like ba. £250 later I had flights.

Most people did think that the £450 we paid MOH would be covering most things, so nobody complained really. It was only this week when we were sent the "itinerary" that it became clear how much incorrect assumption we had all made on that front... turns out that the £4500 she's had overall only pays for 3 nights in an airbnb villa not even close to town. I know we all
Should have asked but who on earth would think to?! And actually, I seem to be the only person who thinks this is actually stupid...

The list of costs we will now incur are as follows...:

-- Taxis from airport - 50 euros (we can share this if others are on our plane)
-- Taxis to the main town for each and every activity and meal.
-- All meals out other than breakfast and some snacks for thurs night.
-- Although the villa has a lovely pool, we will apparently be spending Friday at a beach club. Paying for the entry. Where we will have lunch at another cost. Then dinner I suppose. Oh and we are expected to chip in to buy the bride lunch that day at around 10 euro each (100 overall??!)
-- outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.
-- no booze included at all so she wants us to pick it up duty free. There are no shops near the villa.
-- stupid dress codes for the Saturday which I haven't personally bought anything for but others have had to.
-- she wants us to contribute to a "hen survival box".

I'm broke and I haven't even got there... I'd love to pull out now but flights and accommodation alone mean I'm £700 down!

I win don't I? This is just ridiculous...

I have decided that after this year (because I've already committed to 170 for a weekend away), I am no longer attending Hen parties. They have just become this out of control over ostentatious money vacuum that I really have no desire to be a part of anymore.
Best one I ever went on was 70 quid. Cost of a train ticket to Brighton, afternoon tea type sandwiches at a hotel, Salsa lesson with a cocktail thrown in, dinner at a nice restaurant. No major expense, no flights involved, and a wonderful time had by all. By comparison, I was invited to an overnight hen party once that was a night in a posh house, take away for dinner, out to a club for the night before crashing at said posh house all at the grand total of 250! I respectfully and swiftly declined that invitation.
I really don't understand when they became this "thing". These days, a hen night is almost unheard of. It's always a hen weekend that costs crazy money.

Sorry Pipe - didn't realise you had already mentioned a night on the p*ss as I tagged my comment onto my question. As you were.

Best hen do I've been to was my DSis's. Free entry into a club with free drink (as we booked in advance). £15 each for buffet type food (there was 10 of us). We were there during the cocktail hour (well it was two hours) so half price drinks. Went home about 11.30 having spent less than £50. And this was in London two years ago.
Ridiculous amount of money being spent on weekends as if once the bride is married they aren't allowed out!

I think it's too late to say something now the accommodation is booked but wow you have been had!
I went to the same place for my hen but we booked a cheapo all inc. close to the clubs we were going to and planned one night to the other side of the island to keep taxi costs down.
We spent £250 on flights and accom. (including drinks at hotel) Make sure you have drinks at the villa before you leave as mentioned upthread most clubs are €15 for a drink- or get tickets on line inc a free drink so you have at least one

I hope I will never be invited to a hen do. It's enough to watch them roaming the town, all of them looking pasty and greenish under the fake tan and smudged thick make-up with the identical ironed hair and silly t-shirts, looking like geriatric muttons pretending to be spring lambs but with no energy and too much hangover to pull it off.

It's crazy. I'd pull out. It sounds like my idea of a nightmare.

I got married in 2003. I didn't have a hen do.

All my girl friends were scattered across the uk and abroad. Many had young children. They were all coming to my wedding anyway so I felt to selfish arranging a hen party too and expect them to come.

I ended up at a gay club one night with my gay best friend. Had such a laugh. Used that as my hen-do.
When I had babies I made lots of local friends so many it would be different if I did it now?

Op, I agree with PP. just because your down lots of money, doesn't mean you need to be down even more. Pull out.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday

I think you are right but only in a perfect world scenario. Most hen dos I have been to, the hen doesn't know what's going on or the cost (as for some reason that is absorbed by the rest of those going) I would be mortified if I was the hen and this all happened! But to be honest most of my close friends are all very similar so these things normally work out well. The problem ones I have had have been where I don't know the organiser and it turns into a 'who knows the bride best' competition that she is normally playing by herself.

Stupid you win. My dsis hen do was a lunch meal with her two bridesmaid at a local italian resturant. We paid for our meal. Cost less than a tenner each including drinks and was lovely. Lots of laughs. Mine was a group of girls in a very local resturant. Everyone paid for what they eat. I treated myself to the hazelnut bomb so cost £15. Was again lots of fun. There till closing time. Dh went with two friends to local pub and had two pints same time. Very tame maybe. Never heard of these hen weekends till mumnet. In rl i know of only one which cost dsis and i £100 each for accommodation, food etc in a posh spa hotel in the uk. We shared a room and enjoyed being baby free for one night. Went swimming twice, once when we arrived and once before breakfast. Worth every penny.

Is any of this refundable? I'd pull out.

But fir future - yes, you should have asked for full costs. People have a range of ideas of acceptable costs.

Forgot to say op...pull out....why throw good money after bad...its just going to keep going up. Cut your losess now.

So glad I dont have a large group of friends after reading this!

dp's cousin has just come back from Ibiza where she was on a hen weekend she spent nearer to £1200 - not including flights and hotel. she has a large group of friends though and they are all getting married,this bride in particular in getting married in Italy so they've just spent all that on ibiza for her, then in a few months are going to italy for her with 10 friends all as her bridesmaids.

the cousin only works part time in a betting shop so god knows where shes getting the money from but I suspect quite a few of them are getting into debt over these things, and knowing this group in particular all for show on instagram!

That's utterly bonkers. My hen do was a spa morning and afternoon tea with my mum, make up done in Debenhams and then dinner and drinks with my aunties and a few friends.

A hen weekend in Ibiza is my idea of a nightmare, never mind spending that amount on it! I'd pull out.

What's all this about a minimum spend on beds ?! I've never heard of this!! I wouldn't have checked jay as I didn't know it existed!!

I've just checked prices at the beach club for lunch. It's 8 quid for a side of chips!!!!!

That's crazy! These things really are getting out of hand.

It's not always just one weekend though is it? An acquaintance married last year and had three hen 'events' over the the space of two months - one local weekend, one city weekend and five days in Ibiza. Her now husband had two stag weekends.

@mynotsohumbleopinion these beach clubs you have to buy a certain amount of booze to "justify" your seat. So when you see the footballers and wags at the beach clubs with their fancy bottle of champers etc they only get a bed because they've spent ££££.

I went to Marbella once and he minimum spend was about £4K for the day. Thankfully I was with a work incentive and the boss was bankrolling it but you'd get ejected if you sat on a bed that wasn't yours.

Though I was feeling smug sitting on a millionaires sun bed thing in my last season Primark bikini,size 16 whilst all these waify gold diggers looked on in jealousy

I then cannoballed into the pool and messed up all my makeup and hair haha!

Bloody hell that's a lot of money! Best one I've been on involved a mini bus to Whitby and a pee in a bush on the way home!

@glitterglitters - oh god, thanks for explaining that. i didn't know that was even a thing!

I'm going to have to ask her about that because i just cant afford it. I thought i was being overly cautious budgeting £300 for the weekend but it looks like that'll get me one lunch and a glass of warm shit wine at this rate.

Oh no I've received an email this week telling inviting me to go on a hen do Summer 18, planning early so no one can use money as an excuse
It's a 4 day spanish piss up and we are looking at a grand each!
We've also been sent photos which the MOH would like to recreate whilst we are there! (#BrideTribe) its over a year away ffs I don't want to plan selfies, ever.

What happened to a nice meal and a few nightclubs?

mynotso you can't just fetch up at these beach clubs, there is a minimum spend per table/bed, usually £100's up to £1000s in peak season. Bear in mind the massively inflated prices too so if it's a £500 minimum spend in reality that will probably get you 2 bottles of spirits and mixers.....if I were you I'd mention lounging by your own pool instead, picking up some champers and generally all saving yourself a bloody fortune.

Billy I really hate that! I think people who say money is not an excuse obviously doesn't have any money worries. At 1000 it will still be a 100 a month saving before then for it, plus spending money!

My hen do circa 07 was afternoon tea, a show and home! £40 each.

Worse hen do ever was a weekend away in Brighton that involved a strip club.

I do not grasp dear dos.

I imagine the pp's relationship with her sister was ruined because of the entitled grabbiness of the sister, not because the pp didn't have a hen do! Though the two might be in some way combined...

I think it's ludicrous and quite frankly I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if I knew I was spending money I didn't have, surrounded by people who thought nothing of it and didn't consider my situation...I'm afraid I wouldn't go.

mynotsohumbleopinion You don't have to go. Sunk costs fallacy! You can't afford it and you don't have to.

You were mislead, and the MOH has just wasted £450 which I'm assuming like most of us, you couldn't really afford to just throw away. The flight at least can be changed cheaply - dates though, not destination, as it's with BA, afaik.

If you go, you will be unpleasantly on edge all weekend (or at least I would be, anyway).