To think I win the batshit hen do game...?

[mynotsohumbleopinion]

Months ago friend asked if I would come on her hen do... cited then as a "cheap weekend in Europe". No problem says I! Well cheap isnt how I'd describe it now!

The hen do is in A well known party island. This weekend. Thurs to Sunday.And the costs have just spiralled.

We were told it was There months and months ago and asked to pay around £450 to the MOH for "accommodation and food etc". It was so far in advance that flights weren't even fully released by easyJet at the time, but she assured us it was pre-opening weekend so they'd be cheap. I've never been so why would I argue this? Flash forward another couple of months to when they are released - turns out that the cheapest return is 90 quid and only then if you go to stanstead at stupid o'clock in the morning, which nobody can really as we all live far from there... the only viable options for pretty much everyone were expensive airlines like ba. £250 later I had flights.

Most people did think that the £450 we paid MOH would be covering most things, so nobody complained really. It was only this week when we were sent the "itinerary" that it became clear how much incorrect assumption we had all made on that front... turns out that the £4500 she's had overall only pays for 3 nights in an airbnb villa not even close to town. I know we all
Should have asked but who on earth would think to?! And actually, I seem to be the only person who thinks this is actually stupid...

The list of costs we will now incur are as follows...:

-- Taxis from airport - 50 euros (we can share this if others are on our plane)
-- Taxis to the main town for each and every activity and meal.
-- All meals out other than breakfast and some snacks for thurs night.
-- Although the villa has a lovely pool, we will apparently be spending Friday at a beach club. Paying for the entry. Where we will have lunch at another cost. Then dinner I suppose. Oh and we are expected to chip in to buy the bride lunch that day at around 10 euro each (100 overall??!)
-- outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.
-- no booze included at all so she wants us to pick it up duty free. There are no shops near the villa.
-- stupid dress codes for the Saturday which I haven't personally bought anything for but others have had to.
-- she wants us to contribute to a "hen survival box".

I'm broke and I haven't even got there... I'd love to pull out now but flights and accommodation alone mean I'm £700 down!

I win don't I? This is just ridiculous...

Not the point of the thread, but why would you willingly sit on a club bed? That's disgusting! Imagine the germs, stale alcohol, bedbugs, sweat, other bodily fluids.... I mean, they might clean the beds, but do they? Everyday? No! Dirty beggars.

Ive never been on a hen do. Really not my scene. I got married in 1998 so before these ridiculous expectations came about.

Im not really into organising weddings either. DH and his best man organised our registry office wedding and the meal afterwards.

I cant be arsed with all the organisation . Not my thing at all.

Tilly, they are more like sun loungers or cabanas around the pool.

Weekends away were a thing 20 years ago but not so extravagant. Mine was a weekend in Manchester in a cheapish hotel.

It all sounds ridiculous and I agree with pps you should bail. I can't even imagine spending so much on a trip.

Sucken costs fallacy was fascinating too.

I had to look up these beach clubs after reading this. They don't look like fun to me. And the drinks packages are horrendous! The cost! And the amount of alcohol!

And this is why I didn't have a hen do. No good friend would expect you to bankrupt yourself for the sake of it before they'd even got to the wedding. Self absorbed much? I'd sack off the wedding too.

Do what her father should have done and pull out.

I have been invited to plenty of stag dos over the years where the best men have proposed Vegas/ski trips/week in Thailand etc and by and large most of the invitees have politely told them to wind their necks in and stop being morons. I agree with a previous poster that it seems easier for a bloke to say 'no' when costs are too high without the risk of friendship ending fallout. Best stag bash I went on was a surfing weekend in Cornwall which cost about £150!

Pan I've only ever been invited to one stag do that involved a flight. To Dublin. For one night. Didn't go. Every other stag do has been much more low key - either a few drinks in a pub followed by a curry, or a round of golf followed by a curry. Never involved getting totally pissed and embarrassing the groom or going to strip clubs etc.

It does seem to have become much more the norm now to go abroad for a hen weekend. I'm like rightwhine, mine was a UK citybreak in a Travelodge! Didn't break the bank and we had a couple of good nights out and kebabs

While these kinds of costs - or anything over a couple of hundred quid - are ridiculous, I will stand up for the hen do a bit. I didn't want one but a friend persuaded me and I'm glad she did. As we all get older, gain more responsibilities, people start to have children, etc., it's rarer and harder to get a big group of friends in one place. I wish we didn't need an 'excuse' - but realistically we do. I've genuinely enjoyed every hen do I've been on. Perhaps relevantly, I've never been on one outside the UK. They've all been of the 'hire a cottage, get some cheap wine in, chat and laugh' type, and it is genuinely nice to spend a couple of days away from 'normal' life catching up with old friends.

Do you have any medic friends who aren't going on the hen? Who could - say - plaster cast your ankle and lend you a crutch for a short period?

ShatnersWig

Yeah things got a bit silly about 15 years ago when stag dos started to take advantage of cheap European city breaks. In fairness back then a weekend in Prague or wherever was genuinely cheap but not so much now. Anyway I had more issues with being associated with all the other stag dos embarrassing themselves overseas and acting like twats. Plus I am rubbish at drinking.

Just don't go. Accidentally miss your flight.

That looks like my idea of hell, all those poseurs crammed together omg! I do love Ibiza though, but a villa in the hills every time

it's rarer and harder to get a big group of friends in one place.

My point is, I don't want to go on group holidays, these are for single people really. I want to go away with my husband. If we had DC of course I would want to go away with them too.

Does anyone with a nuclear family really want to go on group holidays? In particular when they don't even know some of the other participants! Really?

I also enjoy most hen dos.

bitchycocktailwaitress

If you don't want to spend a weekend away without your DH then fair enough, just don't go on hen dos you're invited to. I don't think that means people shouldn't have them because you personally don't want to go away unless your husband is there.

@MargaretCavendish does make a good point, in favour of the hen party. It is good to get together with friends, especially if you don't get to see them in person very often - and whilst they will all probably be there at the wedding, it is such a hectic day for the bride and groom that they may not get the time to catch up with everyone.

I went out for a meal, the night before my wedding (because it was easy to get everyone together then, and I wasn't planning to get drunk, so it was safe to have it then), and it was a lovely evening - I got to talk to the people I hadn't seen for ages, and had a really good catch up.

I do think, though, that whoever is organising the hen and stag dos needs to think about cost, and whether the invitees can afford it - especially if it is going to be expensive to get to the wedding as well. Bear in mind it may not be the only hen do and wedding they will be invited to in the year - and that people are often on tight budgets - and either make sure that it is genuinely affordable for the people who want to go, or accept the fact that not everyone will be able to come - and accept that fact without getting stroppy too!

Someone's wedding is obviously a big deal for them - a very important day - but some people seem to forget that it is not such a big deal for other people. It is lovely to celebrate with your friends or family when they get married, and to wish them well - but unless your friends and family are wealthy, you cannot and should not expect them to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds on attending the wedding and hen and stag dos.

I enjoy hen dos too but this is insane

It's good to get together with friends, but it doesn't need to cost a fortune. The point is to have a fun time with friends which can just as easily be done with the traditional night out or cheap accommodation not too far from home. Unless all your friends are millionaires, they are unlikely to want to spend a huge amount on a hen do.

OP, do you know if the other people going are unhappy about the possible costs? Could you all tell MOH that you want to limit further costs? It's very telling that none of the other BMs are going.

It seems to me that a lot of women just find it difficult to say no to these extravagant hen dos. If they were a little more assertive perhaps MOH's and bridezillas wouldn't organise such expensive trips because they would have no-one to go with.

I must admit that I would find it extremely easy to say "no, I just can't afford it", and struggle to understand why some people are too proud to admit that something like this is beyond their means.

I really hate it when people do this. How dare anyone place someone in such a financial position for just a stupid hen do? I would truly feel awful to do that to anyone, especially if it's a large amount.
Op just make some excuse and not go, change the dates of the tickets and make a holiday of your own if you can.
If your friend decides to uninvite you everything else after consider it a win.

Since the OP is leaving tomorrow I think it might be a bit late to offer her any more advice!

And yes, both me and my husband enjoy going away without the other from time to time. Each to their own, but for me retaining your own lives and interests in a relationship is really important.

Honestly. I would be texting her again to say that it is all well and good telling me not to worry but I was under the assumption when she told me £450 was required that, funnily enough, the £450 would cover things like transport, accommodation somewhere convenient and any major 'things to do'.

I would be explaining that after paying extra for flights and budgeting for say £100 for food for the weekend I don't have anything further to spend and make it perfectly clear that you won't be spending anything further.

My hen do cost people £110 to attend - night away with three meals included, a dance and cocktail class with drinks and transport and I still had people complaining about the cost though so maybe I am a bit too harsh and bitter about this.

DH has been to a few. All local except one because the groom was from NI so they went to Belfast for the weekend. But it was still pretty cheap as they stayed in a Premier Inn booked way in advance. No strippers or 'itineraries' besides pub crawls, golf+partying in club afterwards+kebab.