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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't have this luxury with a young family?

120 replies

Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:35

DH was out all day yesterday until 1am this morning. Fine.

But then this morning he has left me to get both small children ready and to nursery. We were running late and I asked him to drive the kids to nursery but he refused as he had been drinking last night. It was 8am when I asked so a good 7-8 hours after he would have had his last drink.

I'm now late for work and have forgotten my purse so can't get a coffee or lunch.

OP posts:
Mrsglitterfairy · 15/05/2017 08:38

Does he do this often? If he does then serious words need to be had. If he doesn't, while I can totally get why you're pissed off as I would be, I think you should just let it go. Once he's cooked you a nice dinner tonight obviously

Original poster
Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:40

He has now gone back to bed!
Yes he does this all the time when he goes out. He arranges to go into work later so he gets the morning to lie around. Meanwhile I have to run myself ragged trying to get two kids out the house in half an hour.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/05/2017 08:40

I wouldn't want anyone driving my kids anywhere after 7 hours when they had been drinking "all day" the night before. He will still be over the limit .

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 15/05/2017 08:42

Does he not have to go to work this morning? How is he going to manage that if he has been drinking til 1am? As Mrs Glitter asked- is it a one off or does he have form for this?

MagentaRocks · 15/05/2017 08:42

Chances are he would have been over the limit. Especially after drinking all day and evening

blerp · 15/05/2017 08:44

The luxury of being able to freely refuse to drink drive, without feeling pressured to risk it? Because that isn't a luxury.

The luxury of going out on the piss and getting everyone's week off to a horrid start? YANBU I'd be bloody furious.

Original poster
Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:44

He got home at 1 so would have stopped drinking at 12 at the latest as he would've had a long journey back.

Maybe it was unreasonable to have asked him to drive them to nursery, but he could have got up and got them dressed at least?

His whole team at work were out so they are all going into work late this morning.

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 15/05/2017 08:44

I would be having a serious word about this with him once your little ones are in bed tonight. Totally unacceptable.

Original poster
Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:46

Yes I did mean the luxury of being able to lie around all morning recovering from a hangover. I probably shouldn't have asked him to drive them but he could have kept them at home with him this morning and taken them in when he does finally go into work.

OP posts:
TrollMummy · 15/05/2017 08:46

I agree that he would probably still be over the limit and I wouldn't be happy for him to drive himself or your DCs anywhere. Sounds like he needs to grow up.

Catherinebee85 · 15/05/2017 08:46

He could quite possibly still be over the limit. You say this has happened before and that he arranges to go in work late so presumably you knew this was going to happen and you couldn't rely on him. If you're unhappy he needs telling directly, there's no point just being annoyed about it.

expatinscotland · 15/05/2017 08:46

He'd have still been over the limit, especially in Scotland. But the rest of it, YANBU.

Mysterycat23 · 15/05/2017 08:48

So clearly it's your turn soon to lie in bed all morning while he is in sole charge of DC.

Push back OP

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/05/2017 08:50

Insist he brings your purse for you into work before he starts his day. .
And plan something yourself next week end and leave him with dc.

Original poster
Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:50

I would love to lie in bed but I have to go to work. I'm not in the sort of job where I can fake meetings in my diary to give myself a lie in.

He has gone back to bed now, meanwhile I'm going to be very late for work, again, and don't have any money with me. I'm very tempted to set off the house alarm to wake him up.

OP posts:
Gingernut81 · 15/05/2017 08:52

Ha ha Chuckle, I like that idea 😂

RB68 · 15/05/2017 09:00

He was unreasonable not to help in the am - that's the hangover/kids pyt for a day out. He was probably still over the limit - check the we for a site that tells you how long alcohol takes to be processed in your system. As such I would say he does def owe you for the day out and the am lack of help. SO bringing you a coffee and your purse is the least he can do

strikhedonia · 15/05/2017 09:00

I agree with you, when you have a young family your priorities must change. It's ridiculous to drink so much that you are unable to function the following morning. A one-off would be barely acceptable, if he does it regularly it's not right.

Your life does change when you have children, tough.

You need to speak with him, and explain that you need help! (you shouldn't have to explain but here you go). At least reach some compromise that work for you both. It sounds like you need to be prepared to be on your own on Monday mornings.

RB68 · 15/05/2017 09:02

ps can you set up your phone to pay for anything like coffee - there must be something that can be done - or a colleague to borrow a tenner off even if they are tight and insist on an immediate bank transfer or paypal

WhispersOfWickedness · 15/05/2017 09:05

YANBU Sad
Is there any possibility of him dropping off money/lunch to you at work on his way to work?

stonebaked · 15/05/2017 09:08

Definitely sensible not to drive after a night of drinking. I have 2 under 4 and sometimes I have been out with friends later than 1 am - a social life isn't a luxury but an essential as a parent of young children as I'd get isolated if I ignored all my friends. And yes, I usually need quite a lie in the morning after, but my nights out are rarely on a school night so DH is around to help out with the dc. Sometimes my parents have the dc so DH and I can both go out and get a lie in.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/05/2017 09:12

Yeah he should have got up early and apologised for being unable to drive, and ran round like mad helping you with the kids. It takes an hour to get my 3 and 5 year old out of the house and takes both us us!

Hope you can borrow money for lunch and coffee.

Hoping your DP is in a good mood and feeling helpful tonight after his fun night out. As others have said, a social life is important, as long as he is still doing his bit.

Goldmandra · 15/05/2017 09:14

Next time he tells you he is going into work late after a night out, respond with "Oh great. That means I don't have to rush round getting the DCs ready for nursery. You can all have a nice lazy morning together and then drop them off on your way to work Smile."

Mrsglitterfairy · 15/05/2017 09:15

My DH does this on occasion and I let him off because I do it too it's not very often and is always on a weekend when there's not really much on the next day, however if it was a regular thing I would be having a serious conversation.
The least he can do as PPs have said would be to bring you a coffee and your purse when he's up & about.
I do agree that he shouldn't have driven this morning, by the sounds of the state he's in he would have probably been over the limit so best to let him sleep it off

SunsetGrigio · 15/05/2017 09:17

Depends if you agreed to him going out and staying out all night?

Might be going against the grain but if I was off out to a pre-arranged thing I would expect my OH to know that I wouldn't be fit for helping out in the morning and vice versa (esp if I've already booked the morning off in anticipation). We're both past it these days and there's no way we could spring out of bed at 7am after a night out.