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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't have this luxury with a young family?

120 replies

Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:35

DH was out all day yesterday until 1am this morning. Fine.

But then this morning he has left me to get both small children ready and to nursery. We were running late and I asked him to drive the kids to nursery but he refused as he had been drinking last night. It was 8am when I asked so a good 7-8 hours after he would have had his last drink.

I'm now late for work and have forgotten my purse so can't get a coffee or lunch.

OP posts:
CillaInDrag · 15/05/2017 13:41

I don't think Annie sounds angry, she is just pointing out the fact that lots of people manage to get two or more, kids ready in the morning, without creating a drama about it - I don't think she even means it as a dig, it's a matter of fact thing to say.

This whole thing really is a storm a tea cup and yes I think you can behave like that when you have kids - and furthermore I think you SHOULD - if you have adequate childcare or a partner takes half of the responsibility

Have fun, let your hair down FGS, life's too short to be displaying such hostility over, what are, very small things

CillaInDrag · 15/05/2017 13:43

Can I just add - OP, borrow a few quid from a colleague for lunch.

It is hardly a massive problem

You must have a very sympathetic boss, if you are able to keep dipping out of internet forums all day

blerp · 15/05/2017 13:46

If it is work drinks, that might put a different complexion on his choices to be honest.

Sometimes even quite informal seeming ones can be ones you don't abstain from.

It may be that he hasn't really done much wrong in that case.

kaytee87 · 15/05/2017 13:48

How often does he go out? How often do you go out?

If I were you I'd have assumed he'd be having a lie in and planned to deal with the kids myself by setting an earlier alarm to get organised.
Ywbu to ask him to drive as he would clearly still be over the limit.

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 13:49

Your complete lack of organization is not his fault.

Why is it her complete lack of organisation, when he's opted out of what is usually a shared task?

kaytee87 · 15/05/2017 13:53

Even if he had arranged with me to sleep in this morning I would have expected him to have got up and pitched in, because that's what has to happen sometimes when you have young kids.

Barring you being too ill to look after them, then no he shouldn't have to get up from an arranged lie in to get kids ready.

When one of us has a night out then it's a given we get a lie in the next day.

If he is out every week and you're only out a couple of times a year then that's unfair obviously.

Pardonwhatnow · 15/05/2017 13:56

*Your complete lack of organization is not his fault.

Why is it her complete lack of organisation, when he's opted out of what is usually a shared task?*

Because she knew he was going out, knew he was going into work late, and so should have organised for him to have a lie in.

It's just a kind, caring and thoughtful thing to do every now and then for someone you love and share a life with smell has been out for some down time and fun (or works drinks in this instance) away from the family.

I tend to find if people behave like that they get the same in return occasionally. People who make a big deal of such events tend to end up keeping score of "he lay in until 10 on 27th last month"

Behave nicely to others and they tend to do the same in return. Clearly if someone starts taking the piss you have a word but based on the info in this thread I am afraid I feel sorry for the bloke who just wanted a couple of hours in bed after a late night and assumed the other responsible adaukt in the house could cope with that

NoCapes · 15/05/2017 13:56

Jassy because she was the one doing it and she was the only one home last night, so the only one with the oppurtunity to organise the morning
Plus she blames the 'chaos' on a baby sleeping in (ermmmm wake it up!) and then having a dirty nappy - which is something you should have time factored in for in the mornings when you have young kids
And because it really really isn't that hard to get two children ready, if she was struggling to this amount she needs to organise herself/her life better in general - get stuff laid out and bags packed the night before, wake kids up with enough time to leave, and leave 10 minutes or so spare for those inevitable last minute poo's or whatever else may happen

stella23 · 15/05/2017 14:21

How the hell do you two think single parents or parents whose partners work away cope? Or just parents whose partners leave earlier?

But she not s single parent why should she do all the drudge work.
He might end up a single parent though, because the op will learn that she can do it on her own

FetchezLaVache · 15/05/2017 14:34

For me, whether YABU or not comes down to whether you are allowed to book some hangover time and expect your DH to manage the child-wrangling while you have a nice lie-in.

CillaInDrag · 15/05/2017 14:34

why should she do all the drudge work

It is only one morning

CillaInDrag · 15/05/2017 14:37

Pardonwhatnow, I think you have got it spot on

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 17:55

NoCapes, I'm struggling to see why that's all her responsibility. Her husband gets a free pass by virtue of deciding to stop out with little to no notice. Lucky bloke.

Must be so nice never to have a chaotic morning with the children! Where they were unexpectedly difficult or awful, or where they hadn't had a bad night so you wanted to let them sleep a little more, or where a few things went unexpectedly out of kilter. Well done you! Did you get a gold star? You must be awful proud.

NoCapes · 15/05/2017 18:03

Jassy because her husband wasn't there! Who else is going to do it?! Confused

And as for the rest of your post, just Biscuit

BoysofMelody · 15/05/2017 18:06

He is being unreasonable to drink that much booze knowing he had something to do the next day.

You were unreasonable to suggest be drive your children when still over the limit.

Pigeonpost · 15/05/2017 18:09

Who would normally have taken them to nursery on a Monday? I can understand that you're pissed off with him but presumably getting the kids ready for nursery in the morning is something that one of you does every morning before work so not a surprise. If he usually does the Monday morning nursery run and just flaked out of it with a hangover then I too would be raging.

Mrsmadevans · 15/05/2017 18:12

OP I haven't read the whole thread but if you buy some disposable breathalysers then you will be able to test him before he goes out in the car . Just a precaution he doesn't want tot lose his license and I think it's surprisingly easy to underestimate the time it takes to get it out of the system.YANBU EITHER!

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 18:14

Ah, see, if I were in a usual routine that worked based on two of us doing it, I wouldn't assume the night before that he was going to be a drunken arse and not do his share the next morning. I didn't marry a numpty, you see, so I don't anticipate numptyish behaviour. Maybe OP should, but again not terribly fair on her.

And as for the rest of your post, just biscuit

My first ever! Ta ever so.

Nancy91 · 15/05/2017 18:24

When you're hungover does he leave you to sleep?

It isn't frequent and he is allowed a social life, which sometimes has the side effect of a nasty hangover. Next time you go out make sure you milk the hangover in the morning so he has to do everything. Not a massive issue.

rightwhine · 15/05/2017 18:26

I think it's ok for him to do this occasionally but likewise he should reciprocate and let you have the equivalent.

NoCapes · 15/05/2017 18:27

I agree Jassy that if OP wasn't aware beforehand then it's shitty behaviour, but she was, so she should've organised her evening and morning with the knowledge she was doing it alone
Not waited till the morning and had a tantrum because he went out and she had a shit morning - they're 2 different issues iyswim

And you're welcome Grin

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 18:34

She didn't know he had no intention of doing his share this morning until he rolled in around 1am and crashed on the sofa to avoid being woken by the children, at the earliest.

Neither DH nor I would ever assume that just because we'd chosen to get ratarsed the night before, we would get the morning off the next day if it were a normal work/school/nursery morning. I'm shocked that others would assume early evening that because their partner had stayed out for more drinks, they'd be incapable or unwilling to do their usual share the next working morning.

NoCapes · 15/05/2017 18:39

He booked the morning off work - he was obviously planning to be hungover, if he was planning to be incapable of getting up and going to work he would obviously be incapable of being any use/driving to nursery

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 18:45

I don't get from any of her posts that she was aware of that in advance, though. We may be reading/interpreting differently.

And even if my husband was planning a 'recovery' morning I'd be pretty pissed off if he'd decided to book a morning off from family life as well, without agreeing it with my first.

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 18:47

But actually, I don't think it's ok to get so incapably drunk when you have kids that you can't look after them, unless it's by clear prior agreement.