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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have this luxury with a young family?

120 replies

Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 08:35

DH was out all day yesterday until 1am this morning. Fine.

But then this morning he has left me to get both small children ready and to nursery. We were running late and I asked him to drive the kids to nursery but he refused as he had been drinking last night. It was 8am when I asked so a good 7-8 hours after he would have had his last drink.

I'm now late for work and have forgotten my purse so can't get a coffee or lunch.

OP posts:

Madwoman5 · 15/05/2017 18:53

On the piss on a school night? When do you get your night off? Needs to grow up.

NoCapes · 15/05/2017 18:54

Well yes that bit we agree on Jassy it should've been clear to Op she'd be flying solo this morning
(Although she's said either way she's have needed help this morning, which is the part I disagree most with anyway and think she needs to organise herself better if she can't get two kids up and ready by herself ever)
But we're agreeing now so we won't get caught up on that detail

JassyRadlett · 15/05/2017 18:57

Smitff · 15/05/2017 19:03

How on earth did he manage to sleep through an adult and two kids, one a baby, getting up and out on a Monday morning? Especially if he slept on the sofa. Is the sofa in a totally different floor to the kitchen, bedrooms and bathroom?

gamerwidow · 15/05/2017 19:03

This sort of thing is fine if it doesn't happen all the time. if I've been out drinking I'd expect DH to sort DD out the following day and give me a lie in. However I would let him know in advance to make sure it didn't clash with what he needed to do and it only happens once or twice a year. If your DH is doing it all the time then it's out if order and he needs to check if it's going to interfere with your plans before going out and getting drunk.

Original poster

Chuckle17 · 15/05/2017 20:58

Wow loads more posts.

To clear a few things up:
I am capable of getting them ready by myself and frequently do. All bags etc were packed and ready last night. This morning was just one of those morning s where one thing goes wrong and it just snowballs.

DH did not book the morning off work. He is lucky enough to have a job that frequently requires him to be out of the office. So it's easy for him to go in late and not be questioned. It wasn't work drinks it was a social event but he is friends with his colleagues so invited them. They all planned to go in late, which I was told late in the day.
He does this often and I'm not happy about it as I feel he is taking for granted that I will pick up the slack at home at the drop of a hat.

I do go out but don't really drink enough to be very hungover as I can't deal with feeling awful all day with small kids around. When it's my turn to sleep in I find he brings them into the bed or goes for a half hour shit first before taking them downstairs so I'm fully awake anyway.
He frequently sleeps on the sofa to avoid the kids waking him in the morning, which again I'm not happy about.

In any case I do feel that since we are supposed to be a team that he should have got his arse up this morning and helped me out since I was going to be late for work, as I would do for him. In fact on the rare morning he does the nursery run alone he does expect me to get the kids ready for him.

Anyway we have had a talk as I'm not happy with how often I'm being left to pick up the slack from him. He does seem to take for granted that he can opt out at home whenever he fancies as I will do everything.

OP posts:

Jux · 15/05/2017 23:59

So did he take yourpoint, and how has he shown that he will start to pull his weight?

Next time he has a night out and sleeps in in the morning, book yourself into a hotel for the following night, and go and stay there. Go straight to work from there so he has to get himself and the children sorted. Then he might understand what you're doing for him.

Or just ask him whEn your time off is. Tot up the hours he's had off, and demand the same.

My dh used to go to London, about 150 miles away, once a month for the weekend. He would make it to do with work but he really didn't need to work there, he just wanted a weekend with his mates.

He would 'rest' most of THursday in preparation for his long drive (chose to statr late so less traffic), leaving at about 10pm. Then he'd be away all day Friday and Saturday, often Sunday too, and drive back at 6ish on Monday, arriving home at 9 or 10pm, meaning away 4 days, with one day's rest before and another day's rest after. He was useless from Thursday morning until the following Wednesday.

Once I started asking for my share of the time off, he stopped going

SapphireStrange · 16/05/2017 17:56

You need a serious conversation about responsibilities and sharing the load of being parents.

He is basically acting as if you don't have children.

ahhhhhwoof · 16/05/2017 18:06

According to some people commenting on this thread women should do everything and allow their partners to do f all just because they can. I can get my DD ready on my own but it's nice to have a hand with everything. It takes 2 people to have a child or are we living in 1950

sticklebrix · 16/05/2017 18:14

YA definitely NBU.

Turquoise123 · 16/05/2017 18:31

Having your life being dictated to by someone else's alcohol consumption is not acceptable or healthy for either of you .

TinselTwins · 16/05/2017 18:47

I don't drink often but when I do I definitely don't drive anywhere first thing never mind with my kids!

It's a given if DH or I have a night out whoever went out will not be driving the kids anywhere in the morning.. we wouldn't even need to discuss it neither of us would even suggest it!

Craigie · 16/05/2017 18:52

You should have left them to it and told him to take them in a taxi.

fluffydogs · 16/05/2017 19:00

If it's only now and again I don't really see the issue to be honest? Surely just because you have kids it doesn't mean you have to stop having fun occasionally? It's not a huge issue to sort the kids out yourself once in a blue moon is it? I think your over reacting!

MissSeventies · 16/05/2017 19:07

OP I feel your pain. While I agree with other posters who suggest he may still be over the limit it is the attitude isn't it? Take my weekend. I was away Fri and Sat on a work 'development weekend' out of the country. We had both been aware of it for months and planned accordingly. Children were a bit unwell so grumpy but he was at my parents on the Sat afternoon and they kwpt them while he picked me up from airport. Delay there meant not home until 1am. I had been travelling since 5pm on trains, taxis etc. Sun morning he snoozes until almost noon. I am up with the kids at 7 as he is now 'off the clock'. I haven't had a lie in past 8.30 since the children were born unless I am ill. Most weekends he sleeps until noon while I get up feed kids, do washing etc.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 16/05/2017 20:09

jassyradlett
Best user name ever!

Sorry to de-rail- now back to thread everyone !!

pollymere · 16/05/2017 20:35

If he does it a lot it's a problem. If this was a rare occasion then I think it's ok. I wouldn't let my dh drive at 8am if he'd been drinking all night. Even if he'd only had four pints, that's eight units and he'd still be under the influence. I also doubt he'd only have four pints if he was out til then! It's annoying he didn't help in the morning but I know that if I'd had a late night partying my dh would have got mine ready and taken her so I guess I'd do the same for him. You also can't really blame him if you forgot your purse, annoying though it is.

silky1985 · 16/05/2017 20:58

wow you guys on here have it easy lol I get my kids up everyday no matter what has happened the night before. you should not let someone drive children if you are even the slightest bit unsure if he would be over the limit.
who usually gets the children ready ?

manicmij · 16/05/2017 23:42

If out drinking all night no way would he be fit to drive. Th ink he needs to do a bit of growing up acting like an adolescent expecting you to manage everything whilst he lies in on a work day. How does he get away with starting late at work just to accommodate a drinking session. When is it your turn to behave like that. Conversation required to point out behaviour is not acceptable.

Tweez · 18/05/2017 07:03

If he had been drinking until 1am, the alcohol would still have been in his blood stream at 8... takes 24 htrs to fully leave, though probably by midday he would have been ok to drive. He would have been over the limit if stopped in the morning. He shouldn't leave it all to you though.

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