Parents staying with kids at university

[daffodil10]

My daughter is only 14 so it'll be a few years till she starts university. A colleague mentioned to me that it's quite common for parents to stay with their kids at uni for the first week. When I went to uni my parents drove from Scotland to the midlands dropped me off and drove back again. I couldn't afford the train fare so it was xmas before I saw them again. I can't believe parents stay - let them go!

Sorry, orzal, cross-post, I was obviously typing whilst you were posting!

A distant acquaintance bought a flat in the city her perfectly healthy DD was at university in. It made her notorious far beyond her circle of acquaintances, because it was truly weirdly bizarre. Even staying a week would be weird. It is not common at all. What is common is to ferry them there, get exhausted carrying in their luggage, take them for a shop and put wine in the fridge and then be waved off promptly as they head for the kitchen and freshers events......

Dad drove me to uni, helped me unload the car into my new room in halls. Then he kissed me on the cheek, gave me a twenty and left. My new 'next door neighbour' had parents that hung around in her room until late in the evening. She was really hacked off to miss out on the first trip to the union bar with the rest of the floor... But we made up for it later

I don't think I it is normal or done by all... but really, it is a thing now for some.

My parents didn't even give me a lift to the station, never mind actually deliver me to halls of residence with bags etc. It's only an hour's drive, if that.

Baffled by the people who think it's weird for parents to stay over unless there's a crisis. I actually like my mother so if she was passing through my end of the country mid term I was always more than happy to have her stay over for a night while I crashed on the floor. We'd go out for a meal and chat just like I would with any other friend who I hadn't seen for a month.

I agree that freshers' week is a bit different and you wouldn't want to be socialising with your parents constantly at that particular but obviously if it had been a long journey down parents might want to stay overnight and perhaps help you out with a trip to the supermarket the next morning if you'd arrived late the previous evening. Yes of course they can manage it themselves but if you're there with a car then one last favour to start them off is a nice thing to do.

Orangecake. That sounds mad! Nope never heard of parents sleeping over in student accommodation.

Just no. My toes are curling at the very thought.

I know of parents that have visited mid-term and stayed over. ( only a night though) But not fresher week. This is their chance to live it up and make friends and do all the things parents tell them not to !
I only live a 40 minute drive from my DD and 50 mins from DS, so no need to stay.

My DPs dropped me off and drove home that day (and it was a long drive).

Bought a car in my first term, and so it never came up again.

They next came to my Uni at graduation.

Mind you, I regularly tell DD(10) that it is my job to embarrass her - she groans, and then tends to agree :)

I've not heard of this either - I know some parents who stayed nearby overnight because of the distance involved. I do know of a few parents who drove back during Freshers' Week to collect a homesick Fresher and then take them back at the start of lectures! None of those students lasted beyond the end of the first year before dropping out though.
We took both of ours, unpacked, said goodbye and drove back home again, and that is what our parents did with us, too.

I know someone when they moved from halls out to rented accommodation their dm stayed for 2 weeks to "get him into the swing of things", and now goes up and stays over nearly every weekend to do his washing/ironing, cleaning and take him shopping for the next weeks food.

He's a serious egg head, but so dependant with non existent social skills or life (he studies complex scientific theories to relax). It's not ideal and does solve the problem, but he would be very isolated if she didn't visit.

Only when students have SN so need help settling in in my experience.

Someone I work with actually moved to the city we live in because her daughter is at uni here. Rented out her house, bought a flat here and got a new job.

I would have been aghast if my parents even stayed beyond the first hour!

I drove myself to
Uni. My parents were on holiday

I'd be so embarrassed if my parents did this and I'm sure I'd never live it down.

OP, are you sure your colleague wasn't just trying to justify their odd behaviour/wish.

My dad staid overnight in a hotel as he drove me from London - Scotland - would have been a bit of a drive to just turn around and go back!

I knew a woman who took the train from London to Edinburgh to tend her daughter at uni because she had a cold. Slept on her floor for a week. She was pretty over invested in that daughter.

Oh and another woman who drove from London to Bristol once a week to clean her ds' student flat and fill his fridge etc. There was a point when her dd was also at uni and she did the same for her except the dd was at another city. She was also way over invested.

On a different not I know someone who acts as carer for her disabled dd at uni and to be honest it's not been a huge success but getting reliable care has been difficult. Part of uni is being away from your parents and gaining independence. None of these women seem to fully get that.

We are not even collecting our DD at the end of term. She has arranged to put her stuff into storage then she is flying home. Shortly after she is gets home she is going off to America to work for the summer. We are not planning to go out and see her there and she is fine with that. She is a very independent 19 year old!

I went to uni on the train, on my own. My room mate's parents rented a cottage, drove from Essex to Wales at the weekend, dropped their DD off at uni on Monday and stayed in the cottage just down the road for the rest of the week. They were not the only parents to do this. This was in 1974, so no, not a new thing at all.

The only time I think I would consider it was if my DC needed/wanted help setting up a flat/house. Halls? Not a chance! Well, I say not a chance - if they asked me to I would stay nearby but if I've managed to raise confident children despit my own shyness I hope I won't need to!

I had zero input into DS1's uni choice for September, he did it all himself so I imagine he at least won't need my help at all.

Definitely not! No-one wants their parents around during the first week of uni.

I stayed with my dd odd times, during the academic year(s), on visits and once when she was ill. Other than that, no parents 'staying'.

We just unloaded DD's stuff and went. However, once she moved out of uni accommodation to a shared flat we have stayed over in the flat for one or two nights a few times, as have the other parents. However that is for cheap accommodation rather than to support them if you see what I mean, and we usually take them all out for a meal, or buy them a take-away, when we do it.