Parents staying with kids at university

[daffodil10]

My daughter is only 14 so it'll be a few years till she starts university. A colleague mentioned to me that it's quite common for parents to stay with their kids at uni for the first week. When I went to uni my parents drove from Scotland to the midlands dropped me off and drove back again. I couldn't afford the train fare so it was xmas before I saw them again. I can't believe parents stay - let them go!

Colleague sounds like a helicopter parent. I have never heard of this, certainly did not apply to either DS or any of their student friends.

In her first year, we accompanied our child to her English university as we live far, far, away and she couldn't bring everything she might need in her student flat on the flight over. We stayed in an hotel in the countryside nearby and had a bit of a holiday ourselves, only seeing the child at the times when she needed our practical help with money and credit cards, as she hadn't got a UK bank account at that point. Stocked up with "essentials" and some treats at the local Waitrose and fed her a good meal out before we left and let her get on with it!
Did anyone here hear Amy Rosenthal's play "Thin Ice" earlier this week on Radio 4: First Week at Uni? It is exactly what the OP is talking about, so much so I wonder if the colleague thought she'd heard a documentary?!

Omg my DD would be mortified, she got high hopes for freshers week. Has even banned her cousin from going along.

I also don't agree with another relative letting there other half stay for few days at start of Uni.

I could only ever envisage a parent staying overnight with their dc at uni if there was a crisis. OP your colleague has made the story up.

Never heard of this at ds's uni

I don't think this is at all typical, there may be exceptional circumstances where a particular student needs a lot of parental support (e.g. chronic illness, mental health issues, extreme homesickness) but this isn't the norm, I don't think.

Nope, never heard of such a thing in many uni drop off. Probably just another attempt to pour scorn on 18 year olds which seems to be a thing on MN.

Don't stay with your 'child' at ALL in their first week of university, unless you want them to have the shit ripped out of them for the rest of their life.

Seriously, why would anyone do this?

the mum of a friend of DDs was planning to do this (for her PFB), but was talked out of it by her DD. I've gone to stay with DD a couple of times (slept on her floor) but only because she has medical issues, and needed some in-person hand holding. DD checked with her flatmates first though, and I kept out of the way as much as I could. Did go with them to look at houses for next year, only because I was there when they'd booked the first lot of viewings, and they felt a "grown up" opinion would be helpful (all I did was agree that they were right to think that houses 1 and 2 were shit pits, 3 was OK, but a bit overpriced, and that particular letting agent was rubbish ).

But no, it's not an expected thing to do at all, everyone would feel desperately sorry for the DC, but not enough to want to make friends with them I'd've thought.

I work at a RG uni... and this is actually becoming a "thing". All the hotels on freshers week this year were fully booked with parent staying "just in case". This is my first year working at this uni so unsure when this new fad began.

No Ive never heard of that. However I would probably stay at my DDs house share if it wasn't so close when visiting.
I have a friend relationship now really with her rather than a parental role.
We do socialise sometimes together.

Your colleague is talking out of his/her arse.

DD1 is now in her final few weeks at uni. She would have been mortified if we had tried to do this. It was literally drop off, unload the car and go. Leave them to settle in. Freshers events are an important rite of passage, and not for parents.

We have visited once or twice in the years since, and stayed in hotels. Her younger sisters have stayed with her in her student accommodation. DH and I prefer our creature comforts leave them to get on with it.

Never heard of it. Mind you, when I went to college it was a bit weird to see parents at all, most students arrived by train or coach with a rucksack etc. They would return home at the end of term with said rucksack full of stinking clothes.

My parents dropped me off and went to Tenerife for a week with my younger sister! This was pre mobile phones so I had no way of getting in touch with them at all. I decided to take it as a compliment that they thought I was resilient and had the best time ever at Fresher's week.

Not a done thing for either of my DSs, any of their school friends or anyone I've heard of at their universities.

We visited DS1 when he was studying in the USA. It was our main holiday last year, but we flew in somewhere completely different, flew down to where he was studying after a few days, stayed in an apartment and met up occasionally round his schedule. We had DD with us and did a road trip over the weekend with him which was fab and meant we'd all, including him, seen another amazing place. I think a few of his overseas friends have had parents do a similar uk trips, but not in freshers week!

Ds2 was an admin on a fresher's page for his course at Uni so got to know a lot of students before he started via Skype. One International student whose father is of some importance in her home country came over for a week with her and stayed in a hotel and insisted on meeting her new friends to be sure they were 'suitable' before he was willing to leave her there.

Ugh, my parents thought it was a great idea to visit me at Uni and stay in the shared house. It was awful, they left, I closed the door, they went mad and said it was clear I couldn't wait to get rid of them. Well, yeah! I went home for every holiday, so it's not like they never saw me!

Blimey that would really scupper the students chance to make a group of friends quickly - really not ideal - yes hotel
Nearby for a day or two perhaps if child is a bit worried but they need to fly and make friends!

I've had three go through university and have never heard of this before. Agree it sounds a bit helicopter parent.

Have never heard of this - I would have been mortified, as would my DCs.

I'm currently at uni, that I know of no one had their parents stay the first week? It was drop off and go!

I don't know anyone who does and have had 3 children at university so far. It was once the stuff was loaded into the room - get away immediately embarrassing parents, even staying for lunch is definitely not going to possible, get out of my sight....

In my day we wouldn't even let our parents into th hall of residence. I got out of my parent's car outside the gate and waved them off. our sons had more possessions so needed a hand to get them in but then we were on our way ( Oxford and Leeds)

Orzal I part-listened to the same play on Radio 4 with the Dad staying on for a week at uni. It was the dd who didn't want him to go. Bonkers but maybe it really does happen?

No it's not normal for parents to stay a week when their children go to university.
I have 3 DDS and only stayed over night in. DD3s university town as it was to far to travel there and back in one day