About boyfriends friend ?

[onsleek]

I'm fully prepared to be told I really am being unreasonable here .
The backstory is that when me and my partner first got together over a year ago , his best friend (who is female if that's relevant) took his phone when they were on a night out and started messaging me when she was drunk . I thought it was odd but didn't really say anything .
Another time she took his phone and changed his screensaver from a picture of me to a picture of her . I was a bit 🙄😳 about that one but again let it go .
Last week my boyfriend went to stay with her for a night and again she took his phone and changed his profile picture on Facebook then started messaging me things about how she was happy he was happy with me ect and I was pretty upset about it this time because (I'm humiliated even typing this) he has private photos and videos of me on his mobile and the background on his phone was of me in my underwear and I just felt really embarrassed that she'd seen that and had been through his photos to be able to change his profile picture .
Anyway the next day he told her to apologise , which she did but very sarcastically and she just could not understand why I was upset . Now in a few weeks he is due to be spending a weekend away with her and this is awful but I'm really not comfortable with him going . Every time I think about what she has seen on his mobile I want to cry .Aibu to feel like this ?

[confusedat23]

Sorry maybe I am confused... Was the picture of you in your underwear what she changed his Facebook Profile picture to?

If so OP I would have packed his bags and he would have been gone.. Do not be their private little joke any longer you deserve so much better

[Aeroflotgirl]

I would not be happy with this, she is getting very overfamiliar with him, and he is allowing this. I would be having a big talk with him, and voicing my displeasure at them meeting up. If the boot was on the other foot, he would not be happy with you doing the same to another man. Time to speak up now!

[PhoenixJasmine]

Haha, one last weekend because it's not going to be the same. That doesn't even make logical sense, if the factor that has changed the relationship has already happened then surely it's already not the same!?

Personal experience - I've had several male 'best friends' in my life - usually for 2-4 years at a time. Men who I've felt a sibling-like bond with, great drinking buddies, travel companions, sobbed to when I've had bad dates, set them up with friends etc (in one case orchestrated his online dating profile to get him back in the saddle). No sexy stuff between us, although I would be comfortable to share a bed with them (clothed) just as I would a female friend. All of these friendships have naturally died a death either when they got into their 'last' serious relationships - the women they went on to marry (2 cases, although the second I met my now-DP around the same time as well) and in the third I backed away because it was so clear that he was holding a torch for me, his marriage was in trouble anyway and his relationship with me was not helping matters. I still get occasional drunken texts from that one wondering why we never got together. With the men who met their wives - basically, the friendship they had with me became defunct, because all the things they had with me, they could find in her, and more.

My point being - IME, if his relationship with you isn't at least starting to take the place of some of what this friendship has been place-marking - is it really going to go the distance?

[LineysRun]

He loves and supports your children after just over a year? Not wise, OP, not wise.

[SomeOtherFuckers]

Why the fuck is his background image of you in your underwear ?? It's your boyfriend who's weird in that respect and if you're so humiliated by your naked body maybe ask him not to keep the pictures you send him?

[SomeOtherFuckers]

Also tell him to change his password ... he's letting her access his phone she's not guessing the Pword

[SomeOtherFuckers]

also can I just remind everyone that people can be friends - v v close friends even if they're opposite genders- god if she was a man you wouldn't all be suggesting he's having a homosexual affair .. calm down

[onsleek]

Someotherfuckers I would have a problem with the lack of boundaries regardless of whether she is male or female

[onsleek]

And I don't think there's anything sexual between them either

[ProseccoBitch]

Oh I see, he provides for you so it's OK for him to allow his friend to take his phone and upset you

[onsleek]

My point is that it's NOT okay . That's why I'm posting here ... I don't think it's okay at all

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

If they're not at it like rabbits I'll eat my iPad.

Don't be such a mug.

[UrsulaPandress]

Sorry but he is not that into you.

If he has been away for 2 months and is rushing off to see his mate, that is not normal behaviour, whether it was a male or female friend.

[Pinkheart5917]

Really Someotherfucker You think it's ok he lets this friend have access to his phone to see private stuff between him & op ( he didn't stop her, he didn't keep his phone in his pocket or pin lock it) that shows a lack of respect for op and you know what if he let a MALE friend have access to his phone to see those things I'd still say it's a lack of respect to OP.

His been with OP a year yet had many nights out and now a weekend away planned with this girl OP has never met, if my dh announced he was off away for the weekend with a women (just the two of them) I'd be a bit

Yes I'm aware a man and women can be friends, my closest friend is a man but I do NOT let him have my phone and see private stuff between me & dh and I do NOT go for weekends away with just me & my male friend.

[DuchessK]

I was best friends with a straight male for years. Me and my friend never had designs on one another. Friends for years, holidayed together, gigs, festivals etc. our friendship changed when I had a DC and couldn't go clubbing etc I barely hear from him now but still friendly.

I would ask him to delete the intimate photos full stop, surely anyone looking at the phone when he is using it see's the background photo?
I think that you have a BF issue rather than his friend, he shouldn't have let her mess with his FB photos etc.

re the future I would arrange to meet her, I know logistics are not great but surely worth the effort if you want a relationship with him? if its not worth the effort of arranging then there is your answer.

FWIW all my friends girlfriends hated me and saw me as threat. I tried to be nice but was greeted with suspicion, I made a lot of effort despite the fact that I had nothing to prove to them, that was his job. Your BF should be honest with you and reassuring you. If you get a whiff of attraction between them the leg it.

[Patchouli666]

Do you have as free and easy access to his phone as she does?

And the fact when he comes back from being away and wants to spend firstly one night with you and the next with her and then the next time none with you and the whole weekend with her is terrible. Unless of course he isn't missing the attention and sex because he is getting it from her? Most men of 27 will go wherever the sex is on offer and if they have a choice of friend or loved girlfriend, the girlfriend will win, EVERY TIME.
Why he isn't desperate to see you and grab hold of you after a time away is beyond me. My hubby and I have been together since 1995. Married since 1999. And when he goes away it's lovely anticipating his return. Both of us can't keep our hands to ourselves.
If he is preferring to see a 'friend' over you after a year it doesn't bode well!

[laureywilliams]

He has private pictures of you on his phone and let's his friend see?

He has no respect for your relationship. Does he show his other mates the videos?!

[onsleek]

I have never randomly gone through his phone or in fact gone through it at all . I've used it once or twice to make calls but I'm sure if I wanted to he would let me go through it , yes

[badabing36]

Good go through it and delete all the intimate pictures of you.

[Sammyislost]

I agree with above...I'd be surprised if they haven't been friends with benefits previously.

Also, are you sure it's HER changing these things, and not him changing it and forgetting to change it back?

[onsleek]

I'm sure it's her , she's admitted it

[nInachu]

My best friend is a guy, and I'd never do or expect any of this.

Sorry sounds very wierd to me.

[HildaOg]

Dump the boyfriend. Any man who tolerates this level of disrespect toward you from any of his so called friends isn't worth being with. She is jealous of you and wants him for herself. Donate him, it's no favour to either of them, the only beneficiary will be you.

[Bluntness100]

WTAF? Photos of you in your underwear is rhe wall paper in his phone? Who does that? Anyone could see that. If your happy for him to have that then you have to accept every tom dick and Harry he goes near with his phone had probably had a look.

And if he'd wanted to stop her he would have. He chose not to. He chose to leave his phone lying, he chose to let her go through it. He chose to do this.

I'm sorry but I'd assume they were both humiliating you. He knew exactly what she was looking at and who she messages and he let her do it.

She isn't your problem. He is.

[UnicornSparkles1]

None of this is normal behaviour. YANBU.