Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to think he's never going to propose?!

136 replies

PandaEyes25 · 11/05/2017 17:00

I've been with my Partner for 7 years.
We met at sixth form, went to separate Uni's, did our Masters together and moved back to our home town.
We now own a beautiful 3 bed detached home together (both have 50% share).
I am 25 and he is 24 so still quite young, I guess.
But now I feel like it's time we progressed our relationship further.
We have talked about getting married and he says that "when we get married we're going to do it properly- church and hotel reception!"
I don't think he's scared of committing or that we're too young to be married due to the way he talks about marriage when it comes up in conversation.
I've spoken to him about it and said we don't have to do it all extravagantly. We could even go to vegas and do it! (Half joking)
He says we will get married when the time is right and to stop "badgering" him about it.
I'd just love to be his wife and it kind of hurts that he has no sign of proposing!

OP posts:

phoenixtherabbit · 12/05/2017 20:53

Goodness, you need to back right off this. I have read your posts and you sound far too intense and needy about the whole thing. And, I suspect you are frantically concocting 'reasons' why you 'ought' to be getting married young (I think this 'fertility concern' is a bit bogus isn't it?)...but basically you just want him to propose, yes?

I think this is particularly unfair.

Why is it intense and needy to want to marry your partner of 7 years? I think it's bollocks to say that the fertility concern is bogus. If op wants kids and wants to be married before that, its a perfectly legitimate concern.

Wanting kids is a big reason for getting married for a lot of people

MaQueen · 12/05/2017 21:28

It's intense and needy because she keeps dropping big hints about it, several times a month, but her DP is refusing to bite and is obviously trying to politely and gently head her off at the pass, so to speak.

They both need to want the same thing, at the same time in order for this to work happily for both of them.

For what it's worth, I was in exactly the OP's shoes. Met DP at university, lived with him for years and years (though I didn't start hinting at marriage until I was about 28). DP kept fobbing me off, fobbing me off.

Finally, after 2 years I gave him an ultimatum and he said he loved me, but still wasn't sure he wanted marriage. So I packed my bags and left. Hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Less than a month later he was at my door with flowers, begging for another chance. He proposed within a few days, and we were married less than a year later

MissShittyBennet · 12/05/2017 21:30

The fact that they would like to ttc quite soon makes this a pretty different situation from most of those suggesting OP is being needy, should wait etc.

user1490734428 · 12/05/2017 21:38

I must say it strikes me as rather ridiculous to be prepared to buy a property with someone and have children together, but not feeling ready for marriage.

I agree 100%. I'm on the "no housebuying before marriage" camp.

I think the house before marriage thing is because the house is an investment - and it's relatively easy to sell and split. Not THAT big of a commitment really, more of a profit. People even buy houses with friends! If you have 10k and want a house, it's a good solution to join it with someone else's 10k and buy it. Doesn't mean you'd ever want or feel the need to marry them.

user1490734428 · 12/05/2017 21:40

And OP, instead of dropping hints, just be upfront with him.

scubadoobie · 12/05/2017 21:46

My girlfriend and I met at 19 and were together for over 17 years before we got married. I even bottled out of 2 attempts at getting engaged. Still happily married after 12 years. But that's just us.

barrygetamoveonplease · 13/05/2017 10:47

I agree 100%. I'm on the "no housebuying before marriage" camp
Add to that "No breeding before marriage" and you can count me in.

barrygetamoveonplease · 13/05/2017 10:49

I agree - threatening to leave unless he marries you at the age of 24 is insane
Clearly many MNers think that way.
But OP, whilst you are 'young' at 25, you will not be young in ten years time. How many years do you have to waste on this man?

JanetBrown2015 · 13/05/2017 11:14

We married when I was 21 although we bought our first house together the next year and had a baby at 22 (I always worked full time so no maternity leaves interrupting my career however which is not something all women manage to achieve)

Does he know you can marry in church very very cheaply. We did. We had 20 guests on a weekday - sit down meal for 20, church wedding. It was lovely.

Bonadrag1988 · 13/05/2017 11:43

'Is there anything I could do to incite him...'

Yeah you could cop the fuck on to yourself and grow up a bit. Nagging your 24 yr old boyfriend to marry you is ridiculous. If some man was trying to nag me into settling down at 24 I'd run the fuck away very fast. Bunny boiler territory, that.

phoenixtherabbit · 13/05/2017 12:34

Some of these posts are so mean.

Also the posts saying be straight with him, have a conversation - he won't have a conversation about it that's the problem! How can you be straight with someone who won't listen to you!

Being told to cop on to yourself because you're wanting something someone else thinks is unusual is unhelpful at best and bloody rude at worst.

It's really not as crazy as everyone seems to think it is, op. I understand where your coming from and in your position I wouldn't want to waste another say 5 years waiting for him, when he probably isn't going to do it anyway. I'd put money on the fact it's absolutely nothing to do with his age either.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6