To think SAHM should get priority over childminders at busy toddler groups?

[HulkMama]

Just wondering how people feel about childminders taking groups of children to a free toddler group that routinely turns stay at home mums away because they are full?

It's a church run group so they don't want to turn anyone away, I get that, but if there isn't room for everyone should childminders be taking up the places that parents with their own kids need?

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

Comments from childminders welcome. 😉

There is most definitely a need for baby/toddler groups that are reserved for SAHPs.

Come to a few of the groups near me dog. You'd probably be as horrified as I am

What about people like me? I wfh 3 days a week. But I have no colleagues and no interaction.

People keep saying 'they're being PAID' as if that means they should be doing a better job than SAHMs do. They're being paid to look after someone's children. Presumably you're looking after your own out of love, not just for money. So why is it ok for SAHMs to take their children to toddler group, but when CMs do it they're leaving them unsupervised and putting their feet up for an hour.

My DS is very happy at nursery but I feel I am able to look after him even better than they do, because we're one on one, and I really really love him. I don't hold his carers to a higher standard than I hold myself just because I'm paying them.

People keep saying 'they're being PAID' as if that means they should be doing a better job than SAHMs do

That's not at all what people are saying. People are saying that they are being paid, so should therefore just accept the fact that their job can be relentless and boring sometimes. Most people's jobs have elements of this, we can't all just delegate the boring bits to unpaid volunteers as so many CMs seem to do.

Really not looking to start ww3. The AIBU was a genuine question (that has been answered -yes im being a bit unreasonable).
Today i needed a toddler group as much as my toddler did. We were early but not early enough. If it was a parent and child group my child and 5 others who were turned away would have got in. But it wasnt so we didn't.
Maybe that's 5 other mums feeling a bit isolated who could have had access to a free service who went home in favour of children who could have been driven by their childminder elsewhere got there first. Who knows?
Once we are inside i couldnt care less who is a childminder and who is a parent! But on a bad day (like today) its hard to be turned away.

OP have you tried the Mumsnet Local bit on here to see if any local mums want to meet up?

WideHorizon yes, my job has difficult and boring elements to it. To alleviate that, I get my colleagues to help with the difficult bits, and return the favour to them. I talk to colleagues and clients for five minutes about what we watched on TV last night or I go on mumsnet for a 10 minute browse when I'm bored. Very few people do absolutely nothing but their paid job from the minute they clock on to the minute they clock off, with no social interaction or assistance from colleagues.

People on MN constantly say being a SAHM is a 'full time job' 'the hardest job there is' 'the most rewarding job' and talk about what they'd earn if their 'job' (childcare, cook, chauffeur etc etc) was given a monetary value. Yet it's ok for SAHMs to outsource the boring and relentless bits?

I am a CM. I have two of my own children under 4 and one mindee. I go to a playgroup in my local community, where my mindee also lives.
Surely my own two children plus my mindee deserve the same opportunities as other children regardless of if their parents work?
I also DO NOT sit on my bum and let the children create chaos. I am engagign with the children, helping the volunteers and shockingly speaking to other adults.

Ex Your analogy totally misses the point; colleagues having a chat doesn't prevent the intended end-user of a service from accessing that service.

That is what is unreasonable about the OP's situation.

Your job is a bit tedious sometimes, I get that, but you are paid a compensating sum of money to make it worth your while.

If if happens again why not try being friendly and asking the other ones turned away to go do something else instead?

Yet it's ok for SAHMs to outsource the boring and relentless bits?

This is such a cheeky thing to say - SAHMs often outsource bits and pay money to the person to whom they have outsourced it

CMs who monopolise toddler groups are outsourcing to unpaid volunteers, despite being paid themselves!

You should have suggested the park with the other rejected mums op, mumsnet local is a bit tumbleweedy but maybe worth a try

Try Mush it's an app that connects you with other mums in your area

wide the intended end user of a toddler group is a toddler. Unless the CMs are bringing teenage children and expecting them to be looked after, they are absolutely within their rights to attend.

It can't be a numbers thing as a SAHM could easily have 3 children themselves. Therefore you are discriminating against certain 'end-users' by virtue of the fact one has a parent and the other has a carer paid by the parent. That isn't fair on the toddler.

Also why not speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling and they can make referrals to groups and services, that way you will be on a list and get a place.

They can also give you really great advice on how to manage your time with a toddler and lots of ideas on how to handle your toddler when having to wait.

YABU. Completely.

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

It's a toddler group for you know, toddlers - whoever is looking after them.

Can't believe you think that your children are more important because you're a SAHM. Utterly selfish.

This happened at my local toddler group. Childminders were turning up with 5+ kids each, then another 2 adult helpers each and there was no room for the regulars.

In the end the organiser had to limit 1 childminder each session to keep it fair. No idea how the other childminders felt but we were all relieved we could keep going.

Why is it cheeky?! It's exactly what you've said! In this instance the toddler group is free so the SAHMs aren't paying anybody to relieve their boredom and tedium either.

The CM is there in place of a parent. What's the difference?! Why is it ok for a mum with 3 children to go to an unpaid group but not a CM? They are paid to do what a parent would do. In this instance, take their mindees to a toddler group to encourage social interaction and let the kids have a run around.

This only becomes a problem if you think all CM are lazy and want to go and 'put their feet up' whereas all mums are worthy individuals who will spend the whole time helicoptering their little darlings.

How would you regulate that though?
Sorry childminder with 6 pre school kids you'll have to leave, a stay at home mums just turned up and there's not enough room for you all. Off you trot!
Just turn up earlier.

YY. Such snobbery towards CMs here. Mine looks after only 2 kids and only ever had a max of 3 (which is how many kids plenty of mums do). And this image of the bored CM nattering away ignoring their kids is such a cliche. I have been to plenty of playgroups. There are good nannies and bad ones. Good CMs and bad ones. Engaged mothers and disengaged ones. And all of them check their phones and chat to others.

Oh the irony. A site called Mumsnet giving a SAHM a hard time.

We have very, very few resources for under 5s with disabilities in this borough.
A couple of Children's centres put on sensory play and signing groups.
The families I work with are turned away because the sessions are full of non disabled children.
The funding isn't for them. They are allowed to attend to make up numbers.
Instead they take all the places.

I don't give a toss if CM bring their kids to toddler groups. As long as they have kids with them, its for them.
I do bloody care that precious resources are being used by those who don't really need them.
Not worth starting a new thread so I thought I would shove my rant on this one

One of the toddler groups (free but council run)local to our previous home had a waiting list for childminders. Their reasoning was the childminder is running a business and getting benefit of services that are for residents and they were unsure if it could potentially cause issues wth their insurance.
Last thing I heard they are thinking of implementing a charge in parks for dog owners and personal trainers.