To think SAHM should get priority over childminders at busy toddler groups?

[HulkMama]

Just wondering how people feel about childminders taking groups of children to a free toddler group that routinely turns stay at home mums away because they are full?

It's a church run group so they don't want to turn anyone away, I get that, but if there isn't room for everyone should childminders be taking up the places that parents with their own kids need?

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

Comments from childminders welcome. 😉

Being a SAHM isn't so bad that you should be hitting the bottle on a Wednesday afternoon!

So you really want your children to go to this group but can't be bothered to turn up earlier to get a place?

Your answer to this is to banned other children purely because their parents have to work and use a childminder instead.

I work part time and have 2 children. Guess what I turn up to groups early rather than moan that I have a day off and therefore my children are more important that those of SAHM's

On a side note some groups I've been to the childminders are very friendly and through one my oldest made friends with the

What stands out most on your post is that you seem more concerned about yourself and having adult conversation than the children socialising.

You have the luxury of being a SAHM so why not plan your time better? You'll probably get chatting to other people while you wait too.

Yes, YABU! The groups are for children. Why should your child have priority over mine?

And yes, you could just get there 15 minutes early to beat the cue...

I ended up being confirmed after attending a church run toddler group! Overall, an enriching experience.

Actually, seeing childminders in action will be useful if you're ever in a position to need one!

Yes Hillarious you're right, just off to call AA about my sociable glass of wine on a Wednesday afternoon in my own home with friends.

I think that you get an opinion when you start being willing to volunteer to contribute.

The childminder who came to our toddler group was totally invaluable tbh. She was a consistent person who knew how to arrange things (who would play Santa at Christmas and so on) as she was involved in the group for more than the couple of years most parents are.

If the group is too full then set up another. I did this, it is quite manageable. I bet if you do you might be grateful for a knowledgeable childminder to give some pointers (i was).

Thanks. This has put things in perspective a bit. It jùst really sucks to be turned away (again). To be clear this church runs 3 very busy sessions a week. Other groups have waiting lists, and there are others that take me a lot longer to get to with plenty of space!
Hopefully the summer will mean more meet ups in the park.

If you can get there 15 minutes early - then why isn't that the answer?

If you not constrained by school drop off times or pick ups - which other parents and child minders may well be?

Could that be why there is a queue - everyone going straight there after school drop off - in which case getting there early is surely going to be the best thing anyway to guarantee a place.

There's no need for all of this angst OP.

Literally all you have to do is get there 15 mins early. Thats it.

It jùst really sucks to be turned away (again). To be clear this church runs 3 very busy sessions a week. Other groups have waiting lists, and there are others that take me a lot longer to get to with plenty of space!

I can understand being upset by being turned away.

However come September I'd expect the waiting list one to have moved - with children starting nursery. So it may just mean travelling a bit further now - while the weather is good.

OP reading though this I think you need to have a word with yourself. A childminder is a trusted and respected position. Do not think less of a childminder. They do a very important job which is equally as important as a SAHP.

Years ago I went t a weekly toddler group-church run. Childminders had their own designated days as well as going to the general groups.

This particular group of CM did piss me off as they basically didn't interact with their charges at all. I would have been pissed off as a mother if I had seen the lack of supervision going on.

Church groups are usually setup not only for the children but also for the parents.
I imagine most new parents going to such groups want to meet other parents, not someone paid to look after someone else's children.
No judgment, I have been a SAHM and now have a nanny which I love, but it doesn't change the fact the a new parent very often wants to meet other new parents as they have quite a lot in common.

I guess the solution is to have separate sessions for parents and childminders/nannies.

I really don't understand the relevance of them being paid either!?!

My little girl goes to a CM and adores going to toddler groups. Are you actually saying that the staff should turn away my 19 month old little girl from a mornong playing with other kids just because I'm not able to take her so have to pay someone else to do it for me?
That's disgusting and selfish. Why should your child have priority over mine?
You are so unreasonable I can't even put it in to words!
Get their early.

I volunteered at a sure start run toddler session and they did close this down to child minders mainly due to the concerns of PND and isolation of SAHM who needed the interaction more than the children and could identify and direct mothers who caused concern. They did offer childminders an alternative though.

Totally baffling. My son has been looked after by the same CM since he was 6 months. She's now looking after DC2.
She goes to a playgroup every morning and did with DS1 as well.

1. How does it matter if she's paid and you are not? People on MN are falling over themselves to emphasise that being a SAHM is the hardest 'job' in the world etc. In which case, its a job like any other no? And even WOHM have 24/7 responsibility. My responsibility doesn't end because I go to work. This is all madness.
2. If you need conversation, invite some mums over for coffee at yours. Why is my CM's need for company and conversation any less than yours? Who says CMs don't talk to other parents? Mine knows plenty of other parents and is enormously sociable? When I went to toddler groups on my day off...I spoke to...whoever was there. Childminder OR mum. What kind of bizarre social divide is this?!
3. What about a mum with 3 under 5s? What has the numbers got to do with it or first time motherhood?

Why should my children not go to toddler groups because I work, and because you can't get there early enough?

I help with a church stay and play once a week and not come across this, perhaps as ours is in a very poor area. Ours isn't free though as money is used to cover equipment, tea, events throughout year etc and to be honest it is as much a support group for parents as it is for the benefit of the children. We tend to get a mix of mums, dads, nans and grandpas though.

I understand where the OP is coming from. When my twins were pre school I lived in a deprived part of London with an excellent surestart/children's centre. I am not able to drive and the centre was invaluable. Lots of childminders used the centre and they had their own playgroup one afternoon a week which was not a problem but I complained when one of the childrens course was booked up with 3/4 childminders - none of whom lived on the estate and all of them driving. One of the staff had been chatting to a childminder about the up and running course and the childminder rang her colleagues and they all booked place for the kids before it was publicised. And didn't they kick up a fuss when I complained. They blanked for years after that.

Some playgroups are good and some are less good. Some CMs interact with their charges, others sit all together in a gaggle and ignore their charges. If you run a playgroup, you can politely ask the painful CMs to not come back. But there is no reason to bar the reasonable attendees who keep an eye on their children, help with the washing up, interact with anyone needing a hand. I think it's good to have a mix - too many CMs and it gets cliquey - that's why they have CM-only playgroups.

If there isn't a good alternative on this problem morning, why not find some people and take turns visiting each other, or have a regular park meetup now that the weather is getting slightly better?

I'm not too sure how I'd feel though if I volunteered and ended up supervising a group of children of a CM though.

The volunteers aren't there to supervise the children. They're there to make newcomers welcome and help with snack time, setting up etc. They might lead stories or song time but they aren't childcare. The parents/carers have to stay and are responsible for their children.

I go to a playgroup on a Monday am. It's not full but there are different people that go there are two childminders that offer a great deal when there, helping set up and pick away, bringing snacks, helping and bringing crafts and activities. There are also two grandmas and a dad (the shock!!!) I go and I'm not a sham I work full time but from home on a Monday so I can take my daughter.

If it was full I'd just make sure to be there early. First come first serve is the fairest way. No one should have more right than another!

I do tend to help with the children at the one I volunteer with, some I know well out of the club as I know parents well, and tend to hover to see if any of the careers want to talk.

One i go regularly gets full then they lock the outside door and put a sheet on it for people who turn up after this time to right there name on.. then next week the people on the list get a definite place