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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SAHM should get priority over childminders at busy toddler groups?

435 replies

HulkMama · 11/05/2017 11:37

Just wondering how people feel about childminders taking groups of children to a free toddler group that routinely turns stay at home mums away because they are full?

It's a church run group so they don't want to turn anyone away, I get that, but if there isn't room for everyone should childminders be taking up the places that parents with their own kids need?

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

Comments from childminders welcome. 😉

OP posts:
EivissaSenorita · 11/05/2017 12:22

Yes the childminders need somewheee free to drink coffee and totally ignore their mindees Wink

AaoograhaHoa · 11/05/2017 12:22

I sort of see where you are coming from. But given the group is for the benefit of the children then I am afraid that yes, YABU.

If my LO was with a CM and they were being turned away from enjoyable group session because of that it would make me sad...

Turn up early!

ExPresidents · 11/05/2017 12:22

CMs talking to each other HOW DARE THEY?? Confused

I work in an office, and although I am getting paid to do so, I am allowed to talk to my colleagues occasionally, sometimes even about non-work related topics. It seems my employer must take an unusually lenient view on staff being, you know, human beings who want to have a modicum of social interaction. Lucky me!

OP you said yourself you want to go and have some adult conversation, why is it ok for you to chat to other adults while your kids get on and play, but not for a CM? Those children don't need constant interaction from their carer any more than yours do. My DS is in nursery part time and I really do not want his carers to be constantly talking to him and playing with him, I want them to let him get on with playing with the other children, which he loves.

If my DH came home and said 'I heard you were at a toddler group today and DS was just playing with the other children while you sat and chatted to your friends' I wouldn't know what on earth the problem was. I'd feel exactly the same about CMs doing it.

isittheholidaysyet · 11/05/2017 12:25

I run a toddler group. It is just as much for the adults as the kids.

Childminders are welcome.

The local nursery started turning up. That caused a problem. Firstly we charge £2 a family. They paid £2 for about 8 kids. (If the children in question had come as families they would have paid about £12).
The nursery teachers did not take their share of tea-making, washing-up, setting up, tidying up, as they had to play/work with/observe their children.

Childminders tend to join these groups in the same way parents and grandparents do, I don't have a problem with that.

Mothervulva · 11/05/2017 12:26

It's not sanctimonious to mention the child minders in this scenario have a tendency to ignore their charges. I chat whilst I'm at the group but also keep an eye. This particular group did not.

TheRealPooTroll · 11/05/2017 12:26

I don't think sahm's should take priority. Cm's are being paid and part of their job is to make sure their charges get opportunities to socialise. They may have mindees of different ages that benefit from being around others closer to their age. If you are going to ban them because the children have others to socialise with then would that go for sahms of multiple children as well?
If you are that keen I really don't see why you can't get their early. Or ask the church if they'd consider doing a group for sham's or facilitating meet ups somewhere?

Hillarious · 11/05/2017 12:27

Churches are great at allowing their premises to be used for toddler groups and storing the bulky equipment. However, the groups rely heavily on volunteers to help, so don't dismiss that need. Do consider getting together with other parents/childminders to see if another session can be introduced. There is obviously a need and it would be a shame for any child to miss out on the opportunity to go to a group like this.

Yes, the groups are important for the DC, but they are immensely important for the adults too. In particular, first time parents who may feel isolated and wish to build up a network of contacts when they've just left their workplace based social life behind. However, prioritising SAHMs over childminders wouldn't be fair.

bridgetreilly · 11/05/2017 12:28

I've been involved in running church toddler groups and I think YABVVVVU. The groups aren't going to start monitoring exactly what the relationship is between the children and the adults who bring them. In my experience it's always a mix of parents, grandparents, childminders, au pairs (when I did one in a posh area), and others. Some of the parents worked part-time or shift work, and some are stay at home mums.

Yes, we'd like mums to get to know each other, and for us to get to know them. We'd also like the other adults who come to feel welcome and to make friends. Mostly we want the children who come to have a lovely time. It's not a special service for one group of lonely adults.

As to whether it's appropriate for a childminder to take kids to a toddler group, well, I'd say that's up to the parents who are paying her. They might want their children to have the experience of playing in a bigger group, doing messier crafts, singing, stories and more. If they don't mind, why should you?

claritytobeclear · 11/05/2017 12:30

Could you chat to some of the people in the queue and then just all go off to the park or something, if you don't get in?

MrsGB2225 · 11/05/2017 12:30

I don't have an issue with CM attending toddler groups. I do have an issue when a crowd of them monopolise a group or softplay with their mindees. 4 or 5 child minders can be 12-15 children.

Kennethwasmyfriend · 11/05/2017 12:30

Blog of the day is about someone giving up on a playgroup as no one spoke to her and it seemed they'd all come with friends. That is an issue too with cms (or any group who pre-arrange to meet there) they don't really want to make new friends there or chat to strangers.

I often spoke to grandparents at these things as they too were often alone.

EivissaSenorita · 11/05/2017 12:31

Every group I attended when I was a SAHM the childminders there were almost territorial over it and indeed mindees were treated as an annoyance and interruption to their coffee morning 😬. In the end I invited some of the SAHMs round for wine Wednesdays 😝

TheRealPooTroll · 11/05/2017 12:31

That's a point. You could vilunteer as a helper then you'd always have a place.

bridgetreilly · 11/05/2017 12:32

Also, every single toddler group I know is first come, first served each week. No one gets places reserved for them. If yours gets full on a regular basis before you get there, find a different group that suits your timing better.

PeachPants · 11/05/2017 12:33

I really don't understand the relevance of the fact that the CMs are being paid?? In my area the majority of CMs are being paid less than dog walkers - and there are not currently any limits on how many dogs walkers can have at once - unlike CMs!!

CMs are not paid any extra to take mindees out, so why not free groups??

Also, it must be very handy for the people who run the groups to have the extra sets of eyes there.

YABU

GahBuggerit · 11/05/2017 12:33

I never wanted to make friends at playgroups either.

HomityBabbityPie · 11/05/2017 12:34

All the toddler groups I know are first come first served. It's the only fair way of doing it - you need to suck it up and get there early. I have to get to the one I take DS to on a Tuesday a good 20 minutes early!

LagunaBubbles · 11/05/2017 12:35

YABU and seem particularly bothered that CMs are getting paid to. Children whos parents work shouldnt miss out on social interaction and activities at groups just because their aprents work and use a CM, thats ridiculous.

MrsGB2225 · 11/05/2017 12:35

What eivissa said is very true!! They all have their 'table' that no one dares to sit on.

harderandharder2breathe · 11/05/2017 12:37

So you don't want to set up your own. Fair enough, but then you're stuck with the limited choice available.

You don't want to get there 15 minutes early. Well then you run the risk of missing out.

Your options are to either travel further on the bus or get to the closer group a little earlier. Take some responsibility for yourself, stop blaming CMs who are just giving their mindees the same experiences as children of SAHP.

nakedandconcerned · 11/05/2017 12:40

Sorry have I wandered into a charlotte bronte novel? All this talk of 'charges'.

Groups are primarily for the children so I'd say it was disgraceful to turn anyone away just because of who brought them.

YouWhatMate · 11/05/2017 12:40

Getting there early would mean getting there over 15 minutes early to beat the cue

That sounds like an argument for getting there early to me. Fifteen whole minutes! Shock

CruCru · 11/05/2017 12:41

A group near me has the policy that they are only for parents and children, rather than childminders / nannies. This would have been okay, except that it doesn't mention that on any of the council's information and so caused an awkward moment when my nanny (at the time) turned up with my son.

If there were to be a rule like that, it would need to be very well publicised.

00100001 · 11/05/2017 12:41

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AndNowItIsSeven · 11/05/2017 12:42

"Toddler groups are primary for the benefit of the toddlers. "
That's not true , especially not church run toddlers groups.

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