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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SAHM should get priority over childminders at busy toddler groups?

435 replies

HulkMama · 11/05/2017 11:37

Just wondering how people feel about childminders taking groups of children to a free toddler group that routinely turns stay at home mums away because they are full?

It's a church run group so they don't want to turn anyone away, I get that, but if there isn't room for everyone should childminders be taking up the places that parents with their own kids need?

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

Comments from childminders welcome. 😉

OP posts:
hibbledobble · 11/05/2017 16:17

Op if you volunteered to help run the playgroup you would have grantees entry.

NotYoda · 11/05/2017 16:17

Ex

Because I think these groups are primarily for the adults, I think that should be the priority if they are a scarce resource. As you see on the thread, several people have said that their toddler group takes this line too

Notagainmun · 11/05/2017 16:20

It is us childminder that have kept the club's open during quite times. If we had not been attending (3 adults and 5/7 children) the club's would have had to close. A parent attends for a year or two I have been attending for almost a decade.

I often end up getting new customers from these club's and they see me at work so I am obviously not there just for a coffee or a chat.

My charges live in the community so they deserve the opportunity the same as others.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/05/2017 16:26

I'd actually think that without the volunteers they would have closed, not the CMs.

Mammylamb · 11/05/2017 16:26

I always liked the childminders being there at my local group. Going on your own as a new mum can be awkward but the childminders tended to be really friendly which helped

Gardengirl123 · 11/05/2017 16:33

Most of the volunteers at our local groups are the cm's ....

IAmTheWorwax · 11/05/2017 16:34

But don't the toddlers that are with childminders get to socialise with each other? So they don't need the play group, it's just nice for them.

I don't think an outright ban is fair though.

Doglikeafox · 11/05/2017 16:34

Tomorrow I don't know about near you but near me at nearly every single toddler group I attend a childminder is either a volunteer or running the playgroup. Lots of childminders on this thread seem to have said similar.
And a playgroup wouldn't last without people going.. and often there is only one or two parents turning up to some playgroups so yes the childminders are needed.
Like a PP just said, I get loads of work from playgroups... obviously i'm not just sat on my arseHmm

Dishwashersaurous · 11/05/2017 16:35

At ours the volunteers get there half an hour early and set up and then get in for free.

So if you volunteer to help then you will definitely get in. It's also a good way to meet people because tends to be the same people who volunteer to help each week

ExPresidents · 11/05/2017 16:35

Tomorrow it's not either/or.

I disagree that they're primarily for adults. They are toddler groups. If I am paying someone to look after my children when I'm at work I want my children to have the same access to facilities as if I were at home on the basis that

I pay council tax which contributes to many of these groups
I pay any fee required for entry and upkeep of the group
My children live in the community and are just as entitled to socialise with their peers/make use of community facilities as the children of SAHMs
I prioritise equal opportunities for all children in that society over the desire of SAHMs for socialising and adult conversation. There are plenty of other ways you can do that. There are a limited number of activities my child can participate in.

ExPresidents · 11/05/2017 16:36

IAmtheWorwax not all CMs have multiple mindees. Not all SAHMs only have one child. Most will have siblings they can socialise with. So they don't really need the playgroups either.

Doglikeafox · 11/05/2017 16:37

Well no, my mindees don't NEED the playgroup, but I doubt that all of the SAHM's only company for their child is a toddler group class.
I aim to provide a variety of experiences for my mindees. Them interacting with children of all ages and from all backgrounds is going to help prepare them for life. If my mindees only saw eachother for 5 days a week 48 weeks a year I do think their development would be hindered somewhat!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/05/2017 16:40

At ours there is three volunteers, including me, and the vicar. All of us are ex attendees and our children are at school in the vicar. It is funded by the church and the small fee people attending pay.
Lots of the people who attend are SAhM and some are young mothers who both want and need the time to attend to just be them. It is also a low income area so church helps with other issues in community such as child poverty and can help to steer to other services people attending may need.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/05/2017 16:41

Although I do admit in more affluent areas that needs are different.

LagunaBubbles · 11/05/2017 16:48

But don't the toddlers that are with childminders get to socialise with each other? So they don't need the play group, it's just nice for them

My DH was a childminder, he had days when he only had one under 5 depending on parents shifts. So no you cant assume toddlers get to socialise with other toddlers at a childminders.

GahBuggerit · 11/05/2017 16:49

"I still think that SAHMS should take priority because their need for social interaction and support is greater than CMs"

So when I had annual leave and wanted to take my DC to a playgroup surely I should theoretically have taken priority as a WOHM, the only parent in a highly stressful workplace, over a SAHM who can go any other time?

Talking of priority in a fucking playgroup just takes us into silly territory doesnt it? A single parent SAHM should take priority over a married/partner SAHM, a SAHM with a partner who earns a decent wage should give their place up to a lesser earning one as they can pay to go to softplay etc. A SAHM from a deprived area should have priority over one from a decent one. A SAHM takes priority over a SAHD and so on.

If we're talking about the group really being for the adult (which I dont get at all) then is entirely possible a CM, who has no adults to talk to all day long, 5 days a week, finds them beneficial also in that respect, enabling them to continue THEIR job so their clients can do THEIR job and so on.

Or, far simpler, first come first served. SAHM? Get there earlier. if the support is so important then waiting 15 mins shouldn't be an issue.

NotYoda · 11/05/2017 16:53

Gah

You make good points.

GahBuggerit · 11/05/2017 16:56

Its not often admittedly Grin

deadringer · 11/05/2017 17:06

Yeah op , kick out the kids whose parents work outside the home.Hmm Toddler groups are for the benefit of the children. When I was minding toddlers I hated going, soooo boring but I made the effort because my minders enjoyed going. Adult conversation my arse, listening to the same aul shite about sleep, weaning, potty training etc day after day for years on end. Yabu btw.

ExPresidents · 11/05/2017 17:11

deadringer YES. I do not take my DS to his music group for my own benefit. The woman running it drives me mad. The songs get stuck in my head for ever after. DS absolutely loves it, he tries to sing, he dances, he plays with the props and the parachute at the end. I would rather be almost anywhere else but he loves it. It's really, really, NOT for me. It's for him. I'd be so fucked off if I had to go back to work that day and had arranged a CM for him on the basis he could still go along, and then someone said he couldn't go because his mum went to work.

GahBuggerit · 11/05/2017 17:17

Plus, I would have thought it hard to get actual beneficial support if the SAHM has to keep watch over their child and interact - that's what most CMs are being accused of not doing.

Lets face it - the support is really just a couple of minutes chat here and there and a brew and getting out of the house for an hour, which doesn't require any sort of special priority over anybody else.

And, not to bang on about it, but if its so important, just. get. there. earlier.

ShakingAndShocked · 11/05/2017 17:19

I saw title of thread and was full on ready to say YABVVU OP - but having thought about it, I don't think that you are.

I genuinely do not believe that the organisers of a free Church provided toddler group would want lone SAHMs to not be able to access their services. IME, church ones especially do so precisely to offer not just a couple of hours play for the toddlers but as a vital resource for parents, both in terms of avoiding isolation and in connecting with others in their community.

It's also a bit off that a CM with even just 3 mindees (as obv that number can be higher) is being paid £15-£20 per hour - so £30-£40 for the 2 hours they are there - to then both utilise the services of unpaid volunteers AND by dint of number, effectively exclude the most isolated of Mums who are precisely the vulnerable group that Church free groups are really reaching out to.

I completely agree with previous post along lines of CMs are being paid to occupy the DCs in their care and that those DCs WILL already have companionship - certainly more than a lone DC with a Mum who is isolated.

And anyone who thinks that at least some (not all, but v def some) CMs do not sit together in cliques and do permanently have their mindees front of mind is frankly deluded. I've seen it as have many others on this thread.

OP Why don't you have a word with the Group Leader and explain how you're feeling and if there is any route forward, either in terms of volunteering (as that would get you in every week as well as creating great opps to meet other mums) or seeing if an extra group is a possibility.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 11/05/2017 17:20

Hi OP, glad you are feeling better. It's a shame there isn't room for all of you.

From reading this thread it seems you have three options:

  1. Volunteer to set up at the start of a session once or twice a week. That way you are guaranteed entry.
  1. Get there early to be at the front of the queue and feed your child something slow and interesting to eat, like a croissant, while you wait to get in.
  1. Go to the park with the others who don't get in, with some take-away coffees. Presumably they are all as pissed off as you and not getting in that day so you can bond over your shared annoyance.

Good luck.

ShakingAndShocked · 11/05/2017 17:21

And it is pure bollocks to say that Parent and Toddler Groups are solely for the benefit of the toddlers - certainly the ones provided by churches etc.

PlumpAndPlain · 11/05/2017 17:31

YABU I would love our local toddler group to be first come first served - then I'd actually be able to attend. I'm on maternity leave and turned up at the group to be told we couldn't come in as there was a waiting list and I'd probably get a place in 6 months - when I'll be back at work!

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