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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do schools have "chosen" children? 🙄

308 replies

SameKidsAgain · 09/05/2017 17:16

My dc is on a school residential atm and the teachers are constantly posting updates of them on fb but only pics of the same kids who are chosen for EVERY school photo opportunity. I don't get it. I'd really like to see some other children (including mine!) enjoying themselves too...but it's always the same ones over and over again, every year and every term for every topic. It's so bloody annoying and unfair, like those handful of elite children represent the whole school year 😡. Well they don't.

OP posts:
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 10/05/2017 19:29

jacques

I think part of the problem is that although the OP was mainly regarding the photos, and may be easily explained, some posters have had issues with school plays, rewards etc and those are not so easily explained

I have never come across it myself, three children in infants school, i was very involved in the school when they were there but maybe all the negative comments where being made behind my back...which to be fair was probably for the best Smile

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:31

Rufus - Yep totally agreed - just trying to reassure her why it isn't easy taking photos of large groups of children!!

anon oh my love I wasn't bullied ever. I do however assume from YOUR posts that you were the bully. Hey, I can make unfounded assumptions too 😂

Don't make yourself look foolish when people are trying to explain fact rather than hyperbole.

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:32

Jacques where did I say you were bullied?

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:33

Just randomly looking back at photos I took during our last drama camp.

One morning's photos. I took 47. 8 were usable. The same children are in 4/5 of them. Complete luck of the draw as it happened that group were on stage for the best of the pictures. Nothing anymore sinister than that!

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:34

Jacques and how do you explain why it's always the same children as main part, photos, special trips etc??

TrinityTaylor · 10/05/2017 19:35

Ok photos are explainable in a way, as some kids can't be in pics, some pull funny faces, some are shy. But let's put that aside. How do we explain everything else? This is discussed on here a lot, it's a well known phenomenon. I also don't get why teachers come on here and scream about teacher bashing. A lot of these things are nothing to do with teachers. Equally, not all teachers are beyond reproach, just like healthcare professionals, hairdressers, bin men, photographers (lol), dentists, vets, any number of professions. No one is perfect. So why the vitriol and complete unwillingness to discuss this very real phenom?

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:35

My apologies anon. Misread. But no. I wasn't a bully either. I was the goth in the corner. Nowhere near the cool group. Not interested in bullying people. Never bullied as I couldn't care less. If it makes you feel better to assume that though, you go ahead.

It's probably easier for you than acknowledging a different opinion.

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:35

Jacques so why have I had my daughter in tears for the way her and her friends are treated??

brasty · 10/05/2017 19:35

This thread is now hilarious. What started off as in interesting discussion is now the equivalent of a "my dad is bigger than yours"

brasty · 10/05/2017 19:36

That was an unfortunate x post

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:36

You don't have to be 'cool' to be a bully. But hey ho if you think bullies are cool Hmm

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:36

Anon - in response to an OP about photos I was, well, explaining about photos.

As to the other anecdotally no idea. But then it wouldn't be something that worried either DD or me so not on my radar.

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:37

Oh bless you anon 😂

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:37

Maybe when people come on MN with a genuine concern, people should either offer advice or leave rather then say we're lying or that our children are 'scruffy' 'unreliable' etc.
Just a thought..

BertrandRussell · 10/05/2017 19:38

While I am sure that there are schools where this happens, I am sure that in most it doesn't - it just looks that way. As I said, Google "confirmation bias".,

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:38

Jacques grow up

brasty · 10/05/2017 19:42

If your child is crying herself to sleep because she is not getting parts in the school play or in the school photos, I suspect there are other issues. The majority of kids are in this position, as I was. And the majority do not react that way.

Yes I got annoyed that Adele always got chosen by the teachers. And at the time, I could not understand why. Looking back she was a pretty little girl who was very outgoing.

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:45

Brasty there are no issues, she was only 8 when she came home crying , other then that it's been rolling of the eyes, or she's come home predicting who will get the part and been right every time. For the most part we laugh about it.

I'm sure Adele was pretty and outgoing.
My daughter is pretty too, has the blonde hair blue eyes look, play 2 instruments and dances on weekends, but it hasn't got her anywhere because she isn't the type to push to the front of the queue.

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:45

anon I never said you were lying. I was suggesting reasons that are probably more palatable than assuming people are deliberately excluding children from images (other than those that have to be).

If it helps to explain - out of the 47 taken in one session (these were candids taken of a rehearsal on stage):-

There were a number that couldn't be used as children who can't be in images were there - some can be cropped but not always. So your child could have been the perfect subject of a photo.

Some were blurry due to children moving.

Some had children pulling faces their parents wouldn't thank us for.

Some had bad visibility.

Three had tots with costumes over their faces (theirs and other people)

We genuinely don't have lists of "must takes" and "don't takes" (other than safeguarding issues) there just isn't time. It's a series of snapshots to try and give a flavour of what's going on.

grannytomine · 10/05/2017 19:45

It does happen, as I said earlier my kids went to 4 different schools, 2 were fine, one was brilliant at involving every child and one was awful. One of the funniest moments I had there was in the playground with the key stage 1 mums and kids waiting for keystage 2 to come out 15 minutes later. Little girl to her mum, "Do you think I might be Mary in the Nativity." Her mother in a loud, exasperated voice, "Don't be silly, your surname isn't (insert Head's name as his kids got the leading parts.)" That was the reality, she didn't have a chance.

MaisyPops · 10/05/2017 19:46

Equally, not all teachers are beyond reproach, just like healthcare professionals, hairdressers, bin men, photographers (lol), dentists, vets, any number of professions. No one is perfect. So why the vitriol and complete unwillingness to discuss this very real phenom?
I'm a teacher. I can accept that favoritism does go on.
BUT, it's not everywhere and some people on a range of these threads seem to just love being the victim.

E.g. I'm annoyed that the most confident, talented kids got a part in the play.
E.g. it's not fair that the teacher picked the fastest runners to represent the school at athletics

Today I spent over an hour dealing with a kid who had home write me a letter outlining why school were being mean because we expect her to follow the school rules. 2 meetings with the child and senior staff, another 30 mins talking to mum on the phone to arrange more meetings. All because it's apparently unfair. We're doing an activities week next week and I've not put that child in their preferred activity because it was oversubscribed and they've proven they can't behave in the classroom. I'll probably get another letter saying that its unfair that nice, polite well behaved children who get overlooked have been given preference over the loud popular naughty ones. That will be more evidence that school are picking on the child apparently.

I teach 200 students a week. If every single child/parent whinged the way some people do on here I'd never get any teaching done.

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:47

Jacques if you've read my posts, you'd know I wasn't just talking about photos.
It's not a coincidence.

SaturnsRings · 10/05/2017 19:50

Bertrand I know you acknowledged it can happen but this isn't always confirmation bias on the scale you think it is. Sometimes more often than not these things are genuinely going on. As has been said it's not just with photos, at my older childrens' primary school the deputy head was very middle class among nearly all working class pupils and parents and it was frighteningly evident how she favoured the one or two other middle class people. At the secondary they're at now one of the senior staff has a daughter there and the nepotism is just as obvious

anon1987 · 10/05/2017 19:51

Maisypops we're not talking about petty things here.
You can't argue that's completely unfair to give all the nice opportunities to the same children time and time again.
The same children are picked to be school councillors at my children's school, which means that 4 times a year those same children get to have a special outing.

I understand teachers have a lot of pressure on them, it can't be easy, but how hard can be to give overlooked children a chance to shine if they want to?

JacquesHammer · 10/05/2017 19:51

anon it makes no sense though. If different teachers/volunteers/staff members are taking pictures? I take pics of drama and rugby. I would be nowhere near any other photo ops so if one/two/three kids get more exposure it is literally just a coincidence.