Why do schools have "chosen" children? 🙄

[SameKidsAgain]

My dc is on a school residential atm and the teachers are constantly posting updates of them on fb but only pics of the same kids who are chosen for EVERY school photo opportunity. I don't get it. I'd really like to see some other children (including mine!) enjoying themselves too...but it's always the same ones over and over again, every year and every term for every topic. It's so bloody annoying and unfair, like those handful of elite children represent the whole school year 😡. Well they don't.

With photos, some kids are just very photogenic. I used to work with kids and I remember one boy, who was not very handsome, but in photos he just seemed to glow and your eye was always drawn to him.

When I end noticed the same children going on FB all the time, it's because the adult in charge of their group is very keen on sharing the photos on FB but the adults in charge of the other groups weren't so much. It may just be that.

In my experience, lots of kids look gormless when you try to photograph them doing something. If school are using the photos to publicise the school I guess they pick the best photos they managed to take. Some kids are a natural in front of a camera and are easier to capture looking appropriate for the purpose. If I was taking a shot for the school website etc. I can think of plenty of kids from my school I probably wouldn't ask to pose for me. Usually though, I would take random shots of all the kids in action and just choose the best shots afterwards Inevitably it would probably be the same kids on more than one occasion that happened to have a nice smiley face for the camera, be dressed neatly in their uniform, not have their dinner round their mouth or their hair in their faces etc. Some kids are just more together, are always doing the right thing, can follow instructions more readily etc. they just get picked because they are an easy option. It's the same with children chosen to read stuff in assemblies or plays. Teachers need children who can speak clearly, not go to pieces, have a good memory, stand still, do as they told etc. otherwise the whole performance is a shambles and hard work. Of course they try to give others a chance in and amongst but its usually about ease. I've never known a teacher choose a child because their parent is on the PTA- it's usually just that the PTA parents kids are the most confident, they are like their parents, thats why they're on the PTA- they are confident too, can speak in a meeting, organise fundraising events, are interested in helping, etc. All this bitching about PTA parents is just jealousy usually.

.Don't get me started on photos, they are virtually banned due to each class having a child in that's either adopted, fostered or in hiding

For bloody good reasons then. Try not to sound so glib about it. Take photos of your own children when they're not at school and thank your lucky stars you're not living in fear

Brokenbiscuit my daughter has all the same qualities as your dd has, yet she doesn't get chosen because she's not the type to shout "me me".

My dd isn't the type to shout "me, me" either. Far from it.

It's interesting that you should assume that the kids who get chosen are picked as a result of negative behaviours like pushing themselves forward, and yet you bristle at the suggestion that there might be any positive attributes or behaviours that might contribute.

A bit sad to assume that the all the unchosen ones are somehow unreliable, Uncharismatic and incapable and basically of a lower standard then your daughter.

That's just stupid. You sound very bitter. I haven't made any assumptions about the "unchosen" ones at all. On the contrary, I'm sure most of them are lovely, and as I said above, I was one of those "unchosen" ones myself ffs.

As I said in my previous post, I don't actually know why dd gets chosen for stuff, but the fact is, she does - it happens wherever she goes and whatever she does. Perhaps it has nothing to do with any of the qualities that I have mentioned, I was just trying to consider possible reasons.

What I do know for certain is that it has fuck all to do with me or her dad, so it must be something to do with her. I'm sorry if that offends.

It's not bitching or jealousy ffs it's about wanting fairness not favouritism. Not hard to understand is it

So if you really think that being on the PTA buys advantages for your dc, why don't you go and get involved?

Personally, I went to one PTA meeting when dd was in reception and found it way too cliquey so I didn't bother going back, but had I thought it would make such a big difference to how she would be treated, I'd have stuck at it.

Do teachers even know which parents are involved in the PTA? Do they care?

she is very confident, very reliable and very good at following instructions. They know she will always deliver. And perhaps, like a pp said, there is an element of charisma too. People just seem to notice her and warm to her.

Yeah I'm sure if they gave other children a chance they might find she's not the only reliable and confident child who can follow instructions. Ffs. It doesn't matter if she's chosen through personality or her parentage. She should not be chosen over and over so that other children don't get a chance.

I have one of each. My eldest child is 13. He never gets picked for anything. No sport, speaking parts, photos, nothing. He's very well behaved but very shy.
My youngest In school is 12. She's always picked for things. Lead parts(in primary, she hasn't tried in comp), instruments, sports teams, photos, school council, any filming etc. She's much more outgoing and popular. But very well behaved and doesn't demand anything.
I only attend school on parents evenings. Neither have anything to do with me. I've seen it for both ends very close together.
It's not always because of parents influence or a child's demands.

She should not be chosen over and over so that other children don't get a chance.

No, I agree, and I said so in my first post on this thread. I know what it feels like to be one of the unchosen ones, and all kids deserve to shine.

I am not saying that it's right that my dd is chosen every time. I don't think it is. All I'm saying is that it's wrong to assume that it has anything to do with the parents, and that it's also unfair to assume that it's due to the child being pushy.

broken okay, so what are you doing to even things up a bit? Have you pointed out to the school that it might be rather unfair that they always seem to pick your DD? Or are you just sitting back?

Broken you seem to think you know exactly why your dd is chosen for everything
Apparently it's because she's 'charismatic' 'reliable' etc so I'm assuming the others aren't (in your view.)

I'm not bitter, I know that my daughter is a reliable, and competent young lady who just so happens to be surrounded by slightly more confident and outgoing children, and that's why she doesn't get picked, but definitely not because of the reasons you've implied.
Perhaps you could suggest to your daughter to take a step back now and again and let other children have a go.
I was picked for the main part in my drama group and it boosted by confidence no end. Perhaps that would be a kind thing for her to do.

I've done some school photography.

Another problem is that the children who appear in 'every picture'' are often the pushy ones who are impossible to get rid of without appearing rude.
Seriously, when you've got a camera in your hands, getting rid of some of the little buggers is about as easy as scraping poo from a blanket...

maybe this "Charisma" some kids have is down to confidence due to getting picked all the time?!

my dd is sort of middle of the road, but her school recently did a musical and they had the PTA leaders dd as the main girl, whilst another kid who acts professionally and has been in west end shows didn't even have a line, yet apparently it was all fair as they auditioned for the parts and they were given on merit?? Also - and this just makes me sound bitter! - my dd dances ballet/other styles for hours a week and it quite good for a yr4, she competes etc, and they had 3 girls doing a trio dance, sort of an attempted ballet type thing, and none of them even go to dance class, just the after school dance club thing for half an hour a week that the director of the school play runs..... yet dd never even got the chance to audition/ask to be in it!?!?

Trinity I second that.
Of course a child who is constantly picked throughout school is going to be more confident. It's unfair to label a child shy or nervous if they're constantly being made to feel they're not good enough to have main parts or get photographed.

When my dd went on her residential in yr5 the school tweeted photos everyday and I waited in anticipation for those photos, as it was the longest I'd ever gone in her 10 yrs of life, without seeing her or speaking to her. But as usual it was the same faces, popping up and none of the parents to those children liked the photos or commented on them, so it was incredibly frustrating to say the least.

anon - exactly. take a child and tell them how great they are (teachers, not parents) from yr1 onwards and of course they'll be confident, happy and great at talking to adults, give them small responsibilities increasing in size from a young age and by 10 they'll be very responsible. If you've never even been asked to take a message to the office or sell raffle tickets classroom to classroom (BIG BIG news in dd's school) then you won't know what you're doing, will you? And your less confident aura will make you less likely to be picked than Polly who has been the go-to gal since start of Primary.

oh god now this reminds me of something from Primary school. We went on a residential - years ago of course - and we had to pay a decent amount of money for it, i read the letter carefully and it said "money to cover accommodation, travel, drinks and snacks", we were allowed to take about a tenner of our own money for souvenirs. Anyway one day, a teacher announces we all get to go in this ice cream shop and get a cone, don't get your money out, it's paid for. 11yo me assumes it is out of our parent's money that they paid for the trip. We all queue nicely, minding our manners and say "thank you" to the server. We are halfway through enjoying our ice creams when the teacher gathers us up for a lecture - "I am so disappointed, only ONE of you has said thank you to me for these ice creams that i bought out of MY own money! None of you have the decency to even thank me! I hope you are enjoying those ice creams!" with her arm around GOLDEN GIRL OF YEAR SIX looking smug, she was the "one" who said thank you, because the teacher had given her the job of taking the envelope of counted money for 50-odd ice creams to the man behind the till. She was the only one who knew!! Bloody infuriating, these things stick with you!!

It's a load of rubbish.

I am not denying that in some schools this might rarely happen but I don't believe it's a common occurrence. If it was my DS would have been in everything and every photo too, I gave up lots of time for his school and was a Governor. Despite this...it's rare he is picked for anything. My sister (HLTA) is the same...one of her children liked doing stuff and got picked for things, the other two definitely did not.

If you are hacked off OP then you need to take this up with the school. Ask them why the same children are chosen for everything.

When I went to school years ago there were the 'chosen ones'. After one school play, we were shuffled out after performing while the chosen ones got to meet the mayor etc. I assumed I was too ugly / my parents were not socially important / we didn't have enough money etc.

Yep. Yanbu. In primary they were the ones picked for the big parts I. The school play. Now at secondary they are the prefects.
One child even had a starring role in the nativity play with several costume changes. Felt do sorry for the other year 6's that Year.
My dds clearly aren't that memorable.

My girls make daft faces for photos. DS does this weird simpering smile thing that makes look like he's trying really hard. He clearly doesn't know what he looks like! Wouldn't be surprised if all 3 were left out of photos , going by what exLt says!

When mine went to primary school it was always the same ones too,funilly enough children of PTA mums always.and school Governors ones never others

I've been thinking about the photos I've chosen.
There are 8 mums and one dad on our PTA. 3 of them are 'no photos' so none of their children used. I've def used 3 of the rest of the PTA children because I remember their photos as being particularly nice (2 studious ones and one in a lovely group in the dining hall)

None of our Govs have children at the school.

We have 3 members of staff with children at the school. I've def not used one of them because they pull faces, one isn't in any photos (poss ill that day?), one was in a lovely couple of photos that can't be used as another non-photo child was there.

We have 2 very large family groups at the school at present - at least one child in every class - and both families are non-photos. That made things awkward as the children (in both families) were very 'keen' to be photographed, but of course none of those photos can be used and they were in a large number of the candid group shots.

But tbh I don't get the angst. This is one that is very easily solved by simply speaking to the school - if the 'chosen' children are in everything as you say then it's easy to prove to the staff/HT. Unless you tell them, how do they know you're not happy? This isn't a 'rumour says' issue - you can easily show the problem, so I think you should do so.

I swear there's one of these threads every term.
Sigh there is.
And you can't point out that it may happen but it's not the norm (because look how many people say it's a conspiracy!)

I've just done a school trip. The same kids are in lots of the pictures because I've taken all the ones out who can't be photographed (even if they're in the background) and it's the same few kids who didn't mind having them taken. Don't even teach half the kids. Met them on the trip for the first time. But no doubt there'll be some parent at home complaining online at the blatant favouritism.

Really these threads are just a "poor me" let's all share the same things we shared last month about unfair the world is non our kids.
I always remember it's like being at work. You hear the most from the people who love to complain.

I really don't think it has to do with being on the PTa!

Hell, I have been that sucker in the pta (all that effort just for other parents to criticise you. I did it for the kids, not to to gain influence) and def never schmoozed with staff or got preferential treatment!