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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do schools have "chosen" children? 🙄

308 replies

SameKidsAgain · 09/05/2017 17:16

My dc is on a school residential atm and the teachers are constantly posting updates of them on fb but only pics of the same kids who are chosen for EVERY school photo opportunity. I don't get it. I'd really like to see some other children (including mine!) enjoying themselves too...but it's always the same ones over and over again, every year and every term for every topic. It's so bloody annoying and unfair, like those handful of elite children represent the whole school year 😡. Well they don't.

OP posts:
Copper1122 · 09/05/2017 22:15

One of my three would probably fall within this category. I would attribute it to the fact that she is very sensible and competent and a safe pair of hands.

In yr 6 she was almost an unpaid member of staff
"What did you do today"
"Helped put letters in envelopes , took messages to reception, sold poppies and then worked in the library"

brasty · 09/05/2017 22:16

This was my family Blush.
They were in EVERYTHING. Nothing to do with me. They just always seemed to get chosen.

anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:16

Yeah I feel your pain Sad same bloody kids for everything, photos, plays, sports etc etc etc.
I wish teachers knew they could potentially and irreversibly destroy a child's confidence.

NavyandWhite · 09/05/2017 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sittinginthesun · 09/05/2017 22:23

Photos wise, our primary school are very very fair.

Saying that, I think that some children are simply more noticeable than others. DS2 tends to be under the radar.

DS1, on the other hand, always makes the school teams, gets decent rolls in plays, has his photo taken etc. Frankly because he absolutely exudes charisma, even though he doesn't realise it. Everywhere I go people comment on him, and always have. I have to practically wave ds2 in front of people to get him noticed.

Neither of them care, by the way.

user1493022461 · 09/05/2017 22:23

Lets be logically here: Which is actually in reality more likely...

Option 1, that your school, all the teachers and all the support staff have sat down and decided on their favourite children, and decided to give them the school play parts and put their pics on the website....

or

Option 2, you're in a snit because your kids aren't featured as much as you'd like and you're exaggerating and twisting what actually happens.

I wonder....Hmm

Indaba · 09/05/2017 22:24

My children are often not on pictures as they look bored, don't smile and generally pull faces....could that be some of it?

Gwenhwyfar · 09/05/2017 22:25

Might as well get ready for adult life.

Dinnerisburnt · 09/05/2017 22:28

At my kids primary, it's the same few that get picked for everything, from reading things out at church services, to showing visitors around, blah blah blah, they get called the teachers pet by the others, not sure it's done them any favours & mine couldn't give a toss. Don't get me started on photos, they are virtually banned due to each class having a child in that's either adopted, fostered or in hiding.

Original poster
SameKidsAgain · 09/05/2017 22:32

User, no one needs to sit down and discusses who their favourite child is, don't be stupid. But please explain why the same children are chosen by teachers everytime when these children's parents happen to be teachers/governors/best friends with teacher etc?

My dc has noticed who gets chosen everytime too. 5 years in school and they guess X and Y will be chosen or will win something and that's exactly what happens. They've even mentioned in frustration that they won't try hard or be extra good anymore as it doesn't make any difference. It's not nice watching your child slowly losing confidence during the school life.
I never noticed these things until last year when it became blatantly obvious what was happening.

OP posts:
anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:36

User149 honestly don't be that bitch Hmm

brasty · 09/05/2017 22:37

My family were not best friends of any teachers. I suspect they were always chosen because they were reliable, talked and sang clearly, and did what they were supposed to do. One was particularly good, but the others were simply reliable, and would do what was required.

ALemonyPea · 09/05/2017 22:39

The head teachers daughter was in DS's class at primary, all the way through, and she got picked for everything. She was Mary in the nativity every year, lead part in leavers assembly, had a half page spread with photo when their year got to do a full page of articles in the local newspaper...endless list really. Many parents complained about it, seemed to make it worse. Head teacher is/was a bit of a knob.

anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:42

SameKidsAgain please tell your son from me, that he's special and important and how he's feeling is exactly how thousands of others are feeling, he's not alone.
My daughter says the same things, and I just tell her to hold her head up high and remember she's an amazing girl who will go far, infact people who have to fight for attention, often go further.
Those children mentioned are not guaranteed to be treated the same as they get older, and they may have their confidence damaged when they realise they're no different to other children, despite what their previous teachers thought.

thatdearoctopus · 09/05/2017 22:45

Oh ffs, not this old shit again?!!

Angry
anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:48

brasty my daughter is reliable, in fact she's the most reliable 11 yo Iv ever met (biased but true) she dances and sings, is an excellent reader and very talented in art. She puts herself forward for just about everything...but she's never been picked for anything at school no matter how she applies herself or how hard she tries.

The fact is you have to be a bit of a loud mouth, be the first to stick your hand up in the air, be very sociable and outspoken etc.

Original poster
SameKidsAgain · 09/05/2017 22:48

Thank you anon. You sound like a brilliant mother. Flowers

OP posts:
anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:49

Thatdear why did you come to this thread then??? 👋🏻 bye bye

Brokenbiscuit · 09/05/2017 22:55

I hate this assumption that kids are picked for stuff because their parents are on the PTA/board of governors or whatever. I think it has much more to do with the kids than the parents.

My dd was one of those kids at primary school, and it appears that she is going the same way at secondary school. It happens in her extra curricular activities as well. I don't know why - I certainly wasn't like that as a child - but I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that she is very confident, very reliable and very good at following instructions. They know she will always deliver. And perhaps, like a pp said, there is an element of charisma too. People just seem to notice her and warm to her.

I realise that it must be frustrating to see the same kids chosen again and again, and having been one of those kids who didn't often get chosen myself, I do believe that it's important for all kids to have a chance. However, it isn't my dd's fault that she is chosen for everything, and it certainly has nothing to do with me.

I am now a school governor at her old primary, but didn't become one until after she had left, not least because I'd read too many threads like this and didn't want people to jump to those conclusions.

anon1987 · 09/05/2017 22:55

SameKidsAgain thank you It's just something I feel passionately about. Both from experience in my childhood and now in my daughters childhood.
Iv even made a formal complaint to the head, because id had enough of my daughter coming home in tears. It did help a little, she started to be given more certificates, which gave her a boost, but they still gave school councillor role to a boy who had literally punched the headteacher?!?
I'm just hoping things might be different when she starts secondary school in September.

MuseumGardens · 09/05/2017 22:59

I asked Ds what he was and he looked at me like this Hmm and says " a horse that doesn't speak " Grin had to laugh.

Grin
anon1987 · 09/05/2017 23:00

Brokenbiscuit my daughter has all the same qualities as your dd has, yet she doesn't get chosen because she's not the type to shout "me me".
A bit sad to assume that the all the unchosen ones are somehow unreliable, Uncharismatic and incapable and basically of a lower standard then your daughter.

You're right it's not your daughters fault, but clearly she's been favourited and it has nothing to do with her somehow having better qualities then other children in her class.

BeeThirtythree · 09/05/2017 23:02

stilldriving wow! I was aware of selecting certain children who would 'fit the bill' but shocked that school brochures etc would go to that extent with excluding certain demographics completely.

My DN is one of those children who gets chosen constantly for school pictures/activity pictures (football) . He is a child/teen model and does have an 'ambiguous' heritage look. As much as it is lovely having pictures of him on flyers etc...he has said he would prefer it if his friends/team mates were chosen too. I agree, schools should think of the parents rather then aesthetics.
Definitely comment on the picture.

brasty · 09/05/2017 23:04

My family are not loudmouths.
I never got chosen as a child, and I think that is because I was relatively unattractive and fat. Luckily this was not inherited. And when I was a child, it was kids who were confident, reliable and good looking who were chosen.

MsJolly · 09/05/2017 23:04

Don't know what I've done wrong then...volunteer a day a week at school, PTA Chair for 3 years, and am now a school governor. Also have 3 children in the school. All fairly bright and cute.

NEVER EVER have any of them even got more than one line in a play despite auditioning and never been in a sports team despite trying out and being fairly competent.