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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate party bag gift?

193 replies

SignOnTheWindow · 09/05/2017 00:58

Friend's DS went to an outdoor-activities birthday party (lots of running around grounds of large house; marshmallows over an open fire type thing). Sounds great fun, tbh.

Friend's DS was given a party bag at the end and in the back seat of the car on the way back he opened it and started playing with the contents... which included a penknife - cue him opening it and accidentally cutting himself. Not deeply enough for stitches or anything, but deep enough to end up with blood everywhere.

Now, one thing I didn't find out was whether the parents had been warned that there was a knife in the party bag. I'm assuming not because my friend is pretty paranoid about potential safety issues and I imagine would not have let him have the bag in the car if she knew it contained a penknife.

If they weren't warned, it seems a foolishly dangerous thing to put in party bag for 7 year olds.

What about if they were warned, though? AIBU to think that even with a warning, a penknife is an inappropriate gift to put in a party bag at that age? Or am I being precious?

OP posts:
MrsWombat · 10/05/2017 17:38

I second the poster who said to check that the pen knife wasn't pocketed from an activity during the party and put in the party bag on the way home as an explanation for it's presence.

pinyata · 10/05/2017 17:38

a child could not purchase a knife at the age of 7 therefore as an adult organising party bags you shouldn't think this appropriate to put in them

As a parent choosing to let your child have a pen knife is a personal choice my DD could have been trusted at 7 however my DS would not have been mature enough at that age

Littlenic73 · 10/05/2017 17:41

I think it was irresponsible to put it in a party bag without checking with the parents first, especially as they are not legally old enough to go into shops and buy them themselves. Even the Scouts aren't allowed to keep their penknives on them at camp, they are supposed to be locked away until they are using them for specific activities.

TunaStubbs · 10/05/2017 17:41

It's unreasonable not to mention to parents / carers that a potentially dangerous item had been given to the child.

But like most things it's different strokes for different folks. I gave my DS his first multi tool when he was four (and installed the sharp blade when he was five). He can stack the kindling / firewood and light the when asked, and last weekend (he's now 6) I gave him my old cordless drill/screw driver to help me with chores.

He's been taught how to do all these things (and more) safely, so personally I wouldn't have had have a problem with it.

Missolford33 · 10/05/2017 17:42

Agree with telling the parents of the gift you are going to give if it's something they might hurt themselves with... also agree that 7 yeas olds are not babies!

steppemum · 10/05/2017 17:44

ds and dd both have knives. Dd goes to scouts and on camp when she was 10 they all had penknoves. But the knoves had to be handed in to the leaders, and were then allowed out for certain activities/times, mostly to wittle wood.

I am pretty strong about independence and mine have used kitchen knives for years, but I think this was inappropriate.

It is illegal for a child to carry any knife, it is a concealed weapon, and even if you are on the way to scouts, your parent has to have the knife until you are in the scout hut.

So I think they should only have been given out with parent's permission

rwalker · 10/05/2017 17:54

think it was not thought through gift seems inline with theme of party but think you should of been told

happypoobum · 10/05/2017 17:56

YANBU I think this is totally inappropriate as a party bag gift.

SheRasBra · 10/05/2017 17:58

Our DS had a penknife at 7 which he could use but only under supervision and then he would have to hand it back to us. Bit risky to just put it in a party bag.

bsbabas · 10/05/2017 18:00

Why not add a margarita kit and a lighter

Bobbi73 · 10/05/2017 18:01

My 7 year old is fine to use a knife under my supervision but one in a party bag is just bizarre. What if a younger sibling got hold of it. I would mention it to the parents just so they are aware.

Mycatsaninja · 10/05/2017 18:03

Don't know if it's been said up thread but you have to be 16+ to buy a knife in a shop so giving seven year olds a penknife without consulting parents is very irresponsible imo and maybe a bit dodgy legally !!

mumindoghouse · 10/05/2017 18:07

How long was blade. Depending on that is an offence to possess in a public place (tho not at 7 cos too young)

Screwinthetuna · 10/05/2017 18:09

Very irresponsible present! I would never give that whatever the age, wouldn't want the blame and responsibility

selfishmommy · 10/05/2017 18:15

By the way you describe the party...... it wasn't hotdog mum, was it???

Mmest75 · 10/05/2017 18:17

Totally inappropriate at 7 .....
But surely they knew that.

SherbrookeFosterer · 10/05/2017 18:17

Precious, alas.

At his age I had my own custom made Swiss Army Knife and not many years later a Weatherby.

Thingamajiggy · 10/05/2017 18:20

My 6 year old has a sharp vegetable knife (used under supervision) and has whittled things on her own with a pocket knife so I don't consider it age inappropriate but it WAS inappropriate not to warn the parents so they could remove it or supervise use! Not all 7 year-olds are as responsible as others. Does your little one not know now to play with a knife?

Wills · 10/05/2017 18:24

Hi,
Would this party have been somewhere in East Kent because if so my dd DIDNT come home with a penknife - are you positive the child just didn't pocket it as an interesting looking thing and then said it was in the party bag

ryoungo1 · 10/05/2017 18:26

I totally agree! Our children all used proper scissors from the age of 2 and bushcraft knives from 4 with supervision. Our 8 year old and 11 year old are perfectly capable of whittling their own spoons with minimal supervision and haven't cut anything off yet! Our 5yo uses a proper knife and lights fires with fire steels with us watching. It would have been prudent to let parents know beforehand, though as it is a more unusual gift bag present and can cause harm for those who haven't been taught basic safety rules. I'd be chuffed if any of our guys got a proper pen knife in a party bag instead of those limitless naf plastif toys that generally end up coming home and getting chewed by the dogs! 😂

frozenfairy123 · 10/05/2017 18:26

I'm sorry but kids should not be given a knife full stop. Letting your own child use one under supervision knowing their capabilities is one thing but giving to another child is not responsible at all. X

OlennasWimple · 10/05/2017 18:31

Must go and tell my 7yo she is a baby..... She'd be more indignant at that description than me!

You should have been warned that there was a knife in the bag

Jessikita · 10/05/2017 18:31

I think it's a brilliant idea. I'm a country bumpkin and a penknife was very useful from a young age.

I would have just mentioned it to the parent as I handed it to the child though.

spamm · 10/05/2017 18:33

For me, knives are like guns, lighters, etc... - things that parents get to decide and set limits on, especially at that young an age. Not for party bags and not for gifts, unless agreed with the parents. My son got his first knife from us when we was about 7, for cub scouts. We gave him a zippo lighter for his 12 birthday, again for scouts and camping - he is so proud of it. We are also the ones who take the responsibility of making sure he is responsible and knows the rules and how to obey them. I have a very serious and responsible child, who takes these things very seriously. But it would never occur to me to give one to another kid without their parents' involvement.

ManOfKent · 10/05/2017 18:39

It stupid, and I'd hope the party host would not have chosen such a gift or known it was in there.
I went to France on a school trip aged 11 and bought a small sheath knife - shorter than your average table knife. We lived in the country and were well versed with knives, air rifles and so on, but I still managed to stab myself deep in my right calf! I felt too embarrassed to tell anyone, so went home with blood all down my leg and in my shoe. I should have had stitches.
The point is I was 11, four years older than this lad. It's stupid to give anyone an item that they can't legally buy themselves in ANY present.
What are you expecting next year ....20 Benson and Hedges?

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