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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate party bag gift?

193 replies

SignOnTheWindow · 09/05/2017 00:58

Friend's DS went to an outdoor-activities birthday party (lots of running around grounds of large house; marshmallows over an open fire type thing). Sounds great fun, tbh.

Friend's DS was given a party bag at the end and in the back seat of the car on the way back he opened it and started playing with the contents... which included a penknife - cue him opening it and accidentally cutting himself. Not deeply enough for stitches or anything, but deep enough to end up with blood everywhere.

Now, one thing I didn't find out was whether the parents had been warned that there was a knife in the party bag. I'm assuming not because my friend is pretty paranoid about potential safety issues and I imagine would not have let him have the bag in the car if she knew it contained a penknife.

If they weren't warned, it seems a foolishly dangerous thing to put in party bag for 7 year olds.

What about if they were warned, though? AIBU to think that even with a warning, a penknife is an inappropriate gift to put in a party bag at that age? Or am I being precious?

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 09/05/2017 04:49

I think that "Penknife was a flick-open style thing" is pretty sure to be a misleading choice of words.

Anyway, age 7 is too young for a child to be given a knife without supervision and guidance. A pen-knife is the sort of thing you might use to cut string or sharpen a pencil. A kitchen knife would be even worse, because its blade would be bigger and sharper.

e1y1 · 09/05/2017 05:00

What the fuck? I can't imagine a situation where a penknife would be an appropriate gift for anyone, at any age, besides probably a hiker.

A 7yo? Shock

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2017 05:34

Shock. Awful!

I would have expected my own DC at 7yo to have been sensible enough not to open a pen knife without permission. They have been taught knife safety though.

My dd has been taught how to use a knife safely. She's almost 9. She would have tried to open it simply because she wouldn't have realised it was a knife. I imagine most 7 yr olds wouldn't know what it was.

RockyTop · 09/05/2017 06:12

I'm sure there are 7 years olds who could use a pen knife safely, but it's not an appropriate party bag gift for children you likely don't know all that well.

And (to the other poster) no, 7 year olds are not babies!

insancerre · 09/05/2017 06:23

I'm all for children being taught to use knives and to manage risks but it's pretty irresponsible of an adult to give a child a knife without teaching them how to use it properly
YANBU

WomblingThree · 09/05/2017 06:24

If it's not even your child why are you so bothered?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 09/05/2017 06:27

Why is everything so extreme on here?

7 year olds are not babies.

A penknife is an inappropriate gift for a young child.

HTH.

user789653241 · 09/05/2017 06:29

I was given craft knife at that age by my parents. My ds uses craft knife since around that age.
But giving somebodyelse's child a knife is totally different, imo. Especially with the danger of opening it in a moving car.

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2017 06:33

I think with a warning that it's a brilliant present. However, would have handed to parent and not put in bag. Assume if friend was overprotective that nothing was mentioned or forgotten in her particular case.

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2017 06:34

Perhaps it was a bag meant for someone else eg an older child attending and got handed by mistake by someone unaware eg a grandparent

Westray · 09/05/2017 06:39

I don't think argument is whether 7 year olds should be safe around knives, it's that fact that is wasn't the host's call to make the judgement.

It's up to parents to decide when their children are old enough to be given knives, not some randomer.

My kids were using knives with supervision from the age of 3 for cooking, but I would have been livid if someone had given them a swiss army type knife at the age of 7. My son in particular was keen on whittling things at that age, but was rather undiscriminate, could be a chair leg, or any piece of wood that took his fancy, so knives were always under supervision.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 06:55

I'm just about as gung ho as you like- and this is ridiculous. Of course 7 year olds are not babies and can use pen knives properly- once they have been shown. Giving pen knives out indiscriminately is massively irresponsible and I would be furious.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 09/05/2017 06:58

Bertrand well said

NotHotDogMum · 09/05/2017 07:15

It is the parents choice whether they are going to allow their 7 year olds to use pen knives.

Not appropriate to give other peoples children knives.

MrsWombat · 09/05/2017 07:19

A 7 year old is old enough to start learning how to use a knife with supervision. A pen knife is not an appropriate party bag toy though. So YANBU for that.

I bet it was one of these rather than this slightly more child friendly with a rounded blade.

Crumbs1 · 09/05/2017 07:20

I think the issue is more about the notion of a knife being something to covet, a possession that all boys would want. I'd have a problem with my children being given a knife as a gift at any age unless it was a specific knife for specific purpose e.g. Hobby they already participated in.
Knives as toys are not a good idea. They shouldn't be played with but treated with respect.
Seven isn't a baby but isn't so very old either.

Elliepurpleflower · 09/05/2017 07:21

I'd find it inappropriate.... I think they are too young to be unsupervised with something like that so it isn't really party bag suitable. If we were given it I'd probably keep it in a high up cupboard for when I could show them how to use it properly in the outdoors. Then it would go back in the cupboard!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/05/2017 07:21

I thought you were going to say a cock ring , or an e cig .

Plus aren't they quite costly Confused

DonaldStott · 09/05/2017 07:21

Maybe if you did not treat your DC as one he would have known how to handle a small knife without slashing himself

Yes. You silly woman. Everyone knows at the age of 4/5, you take time out with your child and teach them how to handle a flick/pen knife, should the occasion ever occur. For example, that time you routinely receive one in a party bag when you're 7.

Asmoto · 09/05/2017 07:23

Well, knives are age-restricted in shops, so a children's party bag doesn't seem at all the right place for one to be.

teaandakitkat · 09/05/2017 07:26

I don't think pen knives sharp enough to badly cut someone's finger are appropriate in 7 yr olds party bags. Even if you tell the parents first. Who wants to be the only parent who says no?

And what if the parents don't look in the party bag, assuming it's just the usual sweets and a plastic dinosaur and the knife gets left lying around and a younger child gets their hands on it?

Did the parent make up the party bags or was the party organised by a business who provided the bags?

contrary13 · 09/05/2017 07:27

I think that there should have been a warning as to the bag's contents, to your friend upon collection, if there wasn't. Perhaps there was, and she simply didn't hear as she was busy rounding up a child who was probably over-stimulated by the party he'd just been too...

I think that it's very much up to the individual parent(s) as to whether a child is introduced to a penknife at a young age... or not. I know that my own parents would never have trusted me with a penknife at that age, because I was very accident prone and rather gung-ho about safety. Consequently, I've never even contemplated giving my own children penknives... although now I'm thinking about one for my 12 year old DS who would love it (but would have to be frisked every day to make sure he wasn't taking it to school, I suspect!). He's very into woodcraft and survival in the wilderness. Would I have given/trusted him with one at 7...? No. Absolutely not. Children of that age don't really grasp the concept of consequences. If they cut someone/themselves deeply, they don't think about the resulting blood, possible stitches, possibility of a life-long scar. They simply think about/live in the moment.

As for treating them as babies... my son went to a friend's house a couple of years ago after school, and as the friend's mother was serving dinner up - she gave them plastic plates, plastic cutlery (the type you give to toddlers learning table manners), plastic beakers. My son, who had been using crockery and "proper" cutlery for... well, pretty much his entire life, was mystified. His friend apparently said that he and his brothers aren't allowed "grown up plates, or knives and forks" until they're 12. At the time, my son and his friend were almost 10. I didn't judge, but my son did. The family were/are lovely, and the boys are still friends, but my son refused/refuses to go there again because of it.

barefoofdoctor · 09/05/2017 07:35

Blimey! I'd raise them a bag of coke in your kids party bags? Or maybe a hand gun?

Enidblyton1 · 09/05/2017 07:36

Pen knife for 7 year olds is fine, but not in a party bag!

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 09/05/2017 07:40

Your own 7 year old?: fine give them a knife. Its good to learn how to use them.
Other peoples 7 year olds?: Just no.