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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate party bag gift?

193 replies

SignOnTheWindow · 09/05/2017 00:58

Friend's DS went to an outdoor-activities birthday party (lots of running around grounds of large house; marshmallows over an open fire type thing). Sounds great fun, tbh.

Friend's DS was given a party bag at the end and in the back seat of the car on the way back he opened it and started playing with the contents... which included a penknife - cue him opening it and accidentally cutting himself. Not deeply enough for stitches or anything, but deep enough to end up with blood everywhere.

Now, one thing I didn't find out was whether the parents had been warned that there was a knife in the party bag. I'm assuming not because my friend is pretty paranoid about potential safety issues and I imagine would not have let him have the bag in the car if she knew it contained a penknife.

If they weren't warned, it seems a foolishly dangerous thing to put in party bag for 7 year olds.

What about if they were warned, though? AIBU to think that even with a warning, a penknife is an inappropriate gift to put in a party bag at that age? Or am I being precious?

OP posts:
WankersHacksandThieves · 09/05/2017 09:11

Scouts use pen knives.

Scouts are 10 and a half and use them under supervision.

froyotogo · 09/05/2017 09:12

A knife in a party bag is asking for trouble.

A 7 year old not being to handle a knife is absolutely ridiculous.

Forest Schools encourage ALL the kids to help build and light the fire under close supervision of the trained teachers. They have various rules around being in the countryside etc etc. As part of attending this school children are taught to use a penknife during craft activities etc. I guess this 7 year old was not.

PussCatTheGoldfish · 09/05/2017 09:16

Not suitable for a party bag.

Fine imo for a supervised 7yo.

Newtssuitcase · 09/05/2017 09:16

Lots of children don't go to Forest School froyo..

Crunchyside · 09/05/2017 09:17

mummytime Yes I've got family in Switzerland and think it would be a totally normal gift for a Swiss kid!

I don't know... it's definitely unconventional but perhaps they wanted to avoid the usual plastic tat, maybe they wanted to give something higher quality that will be used for a long time, fits the outdoorsy theme, and perhaps encourages responsibility. And they probably assumed parents would supervise opening of the party bag... My DC is a little younger but I would still check what's in any party bag he receives, mainly just to police how much junk he eats in one go but also its good to be aware what they're bringing home.

KurriKurri · 09/05/2017 09:18

No big deal and not innapropriate. Scouts use pen knives.

You can;t be a scout until you are 10 as far as I know- quite a lot older than a seven year old. I don't have a problem with a sensible 7yr old having a pen knife, using it for whittling or whatever, but I have known some very silly seven year olds who I certainly wouldn't let anywhere near a penknife. It's not up to someone else to decide when your child is old enough for such things.

What happened to a piece of cake and a balloon ? Grin

Floggingmolly · 09/05/2017 09:22

No, of course 7 year olds are not babies (Hmm), but giving a 7 year old a penknife without checking with the parents is a ridiculous thing to do.

Maudlinmaud · 09/05/2017 09:24

Mixed responses. I find it odd, dd is 7 and I wouldn't want her playing with a pen knife and playing is exactly what a child would do with one if they haven't been shown how to use it.

Clnz4fun · 09/05/2017 09:25

Is a bit irresponsible to give as a party gift to a bunch of 7yr old that may not use them responsibly but then I can't imagine why a 7yr old would want one.
I certainly wouldn't give my 7yr old oneConfused.

NuffSaidSam · 09/05/2017 09:29

I wouldn't put a pen knife in a party bag for seven year olds.

I think it's a great idea for 10 year. My DC would have loved to get a penknife from a party bag! I would always pre-warn the parents though.

But if my 7 year old came home with a penknife in a party bag I wouldn't be that bothered as long as it came with a warning. I'd put this in the 'not something I would do, but really not something to get worked up about' category.

If it came without a warning, that is a different matter. That would be a ridiculous and quite rude thing to do. I would be quite annoyed.

FeralBeryl · 09/05/2017 09:30

GrinGrin at the poster with the whittling son!
Imagining her popping out to the kitchen for something and coming back to a lion's head on a chair leg!

Party bag - prior discussion with parents otherwise no way.

I've very mixed feelings on this subject.
DC1 is 7 and would not be able to be trusted with any kind of knife yet whereas DC2 is just 6 and would be great handling one.
However, neither of them show any great interest just yet in outdoorsy, fixery makery stuff so I'm not inclined to introduce them.

Plus the fact that I am very aware of the increase in knife crime locally. I don't want them to think it's particularly 'normal' to carry a bladed implement around, however small it starts. DS is a 'borrower' and would undoubtedly take his to school somehow.
museumum · 09/05/2017 09:30

I find it odd OP that you don't know if it was discussed with parents or not. Surely that's the most important part of the story?

If it was an 'outdoor skills' party with an open fire etc. then presumably it also included some knife instructions in the day? If so then fair enough to give the kids a way to continue at home, but of course the parents should have been warned, even if the kids at the party have been instructed in safe use there will be younger siblings in many homes and the family need to discuss/agree where to keep the knife and suitable supervision for its use.

ChocChocPorridge · 09/05/2017 09:34

I had a penknife by the time I was one of the older brownies, but it was bought for me by my parents, and only for use at appropriate times..

Not in a bloody party bag!

I do think it is fairly normal to carry some sort of knife though - my mum has a little serrated one she got as some souvenir, and, until I started travelling on planes more for work I always had a little opinel in my bag.

Came in handy for things like impromptu picnics or getting into packages more often than you'd think.

Funnyonion17 · 09/05/2017 09:35

Omg, totally innapropriate for 7

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/05/2017 09:37

What museumum said.

It sounds like it was a bushcraft party which would make a knife in the party bag relevant and appropriate if it was discussed with parents.

Nothing wrong with seven year olds having knives DD has had a knife since she was 5, has never cut herself and only uses it with supervision.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/05/2017 09:40

I agree it's not appropriate for a 7 yo's party bag. I don't see a problem with a sensible child using a penknife if they have been shown basic safety and have reasonable motor skills. DS2 is 9 and was happily whittling sticks with a penknife when we were camping.

SecretNetter · 09/05/2017 09:41

I'm happy for ds2 (7) to use all sorts of 'dangerous' kitchen things - super sharp knives etc - or tools like hammers, Stanley knives and the like. WITH supervision. Once it's done being used, I also supervise it being put away and he knows that he's never to touch the knife block/tool cupboard without our say so.

I would be furious to find him messing about with a knife that had been included in a party bag with no word to parents.

toomuchtooold · 09/05/2017 09:52

Am I too late to file my comment as the on duty expat mum in Germany, and say, there are kids in other countries like Germany who are taught to use sharp knives and light fires at the age of 5 or so, and it teaches them to be responsible and be better at assessing risk, which are important life skills, and probably the reason why the Germans are kicking everyone else's arse economically these days?

And will it make me sound less insufferably smug if I say this scares the shit out of me and in the house my 5 year olds are still cutting their food with those tommee tippee rubber handled knives?

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 09:56

Mixed responses?

Well, a mixture of people being sensible and people who are fibbing, probably. Nobody who allows their child to use a knife and who has taught them to use it sensibly would think it was OK to hand one over to a child without checking on skills and supervision.

toomuchtooold · 09/05/2017 09:56

And by the way yes why would you put them in a party bag? You hand them out at the end when your hall is stuffed with the maximum number of kids and parents so you'd end up with like 10 kids drawing knives at the same time while the parents are all chatting and trying to find their shoes. Nope!

strugglinghuman · 09/05/2017 10:00

There's nothing wrong with parents who know their children deciding to keep them away from dangerous things, or teach them to be safe around them, or whatever.

What is for sure is that this is absolutely NOT something for third parties to introduce kids to under the radar.

I would assume any parent who allowed this would not know about it, so if you feel compelled to ask them about it and possibly warn other parents who might want to frisk their kids for knives/machine guns/hand grenades from this party (after all a child might easily dump a party bag in their room, or elsewhere where adult supervision is not 24/7), that "mistake" is the assumption (and tone) I would adopt at all times.

Placeanditspatrons · 09/05/2017 10:09

Crazy.
Also my ds is 7 but has SEN. He is academically as able as his peers but in terms of maturity and common sense about 18 months or so behind. I doubt any of the other parents would be aware of the SEN so giving him a knife would be basically like giving a knife to a five year old. He would be liable to try and attack with it - not nastily but playing because he can't judge danger very well.

KatyBerry · 09/05/2017 10:10

Someone once gave my dd a manicure set for her birthday (6th i think??) - they gave me a warning that the parcel contained something sharp, so I supervised opening. Nice way to do it by the parent, and great gift which was & is loved.

Placeanditspatrons · 09/05/2017 10:10

Yes and the other thing is my ds has very very poor fine motor skills. He'd probably lose a finger.

MrsMarigold · 09/05/2017 10:16

I wouldn't put it in a party bag, although my DS would love a swiss army knife (he's nearly 6) and I would trust him with it as he already uses other knives and saws in woodwork at school. My cousins were knife obsessed at age four, but we are quite an outdoors family and were always making catapults and bow and arrows.