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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inappropriate party bag gift?

193 replies

SignOnTheWindow · 09/05/2017 00:58

Friend's DS went to an outdoor-activities birthday party (lots of running around grounds of large house; marshmallows over an open fire type thing). Sounds great fun, tbh.

Friend's DS was given a party bag at the end and in the back seat of the car on the way back he opened it and started playing with the contents... which included a penknife - cue him opening it and accidentally cutting himself. Not deeply enough for stitches or anything, but deep enough to end up with blood everywhere.

Now, one thing I didn't find out was whether the parents had been warned that there was a knife in the party bag. I'm assuming not because my friend is pretty paranoid about potential safety issues and I imagine would not have let him have the bag in the car if she knew it contained a penknife.

If they weren't warned, it seems a foolishly dangerous thing to put in party bag for 7 year olds.

What about if they were warned, though? AIBU to think that even with a warning, a penknife is an inappropriate gift to put in a party bag at that age? Or am I being precious?

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 09/05/2017 11:06

I don't think you should put anything in a party bag that the child couldn't buy themselves in a shop, so exclusions would be alcohol, cigarettes, knives, energy drinks etc.

Yes, this.

Even if the children were older (11+) you'd have to be pretty sure that none of the kids had a condition like haemophilia, or younger siblings who might get their hands on the party bag without the parents knowing what was in it.

It might be different if you live in the New Forest or something, but if you live in urban East London like I do and your kid turned up at school with a knife, I'm pretty sure you'd end up at the very least having a meeting with the HT, and possibly Police/SS involvement too.

It's not acceptable to just pop a knife in a party bag and say nothing.

beresh · 09/05/2017 11:16

Where we are in Switzerland it's normal to learn to use a penknife at 4-5 years old and to take penknives on the annual kindergarten hike to sharpen sticks for cooking sausages. It isn't required to take a penknife, but naturally all the children want one and mine managed fine at that age.

I remember being absolutely shocked at seeing a Thai toddler child in a hill village playing with a parang (machete). It's unbelievable how differently children are raised around the world.

As long as the parents were informed, I can't see the problem with a penknife for a 7 year old.

BarbarianMum · 09/05/2017 11:30

berech it was when I saw a 4 year old confidently wielding a machete in Nigeria that I realised how much we underestimate their capabilities here in the west. Hence mine have both grown up with access to sharp things, matches etc

But still, given this is the UK, I wouldn't put a knife in a party bag unnanounced. Adults here are still complaining that their children have free access to safety sissors in reception.

Original poster

SignOnTheWindow · 09/05/2017 13:17

I find it odd OP that you don't know if it was discussed with parents or not. Surely that's the most important part of the story?

Ha, yes - you're right! Can't believe I didn't ask (and now I'm dying to know).

The kids at this school do do forest school type activities, and may well have been taught to use a knife, but I think the problem was that this type of knife is sometimes stiff to open up. It's easy for small hands to slip - that's how I managed to cut myself with my first penknife.

To the posters asking why I'm getting worked up about it - I'm really not, I'm genuinely curious about people's feelings on this.

berech and barbarian, yes I remember being taken aback when I saw a video of very small children in other countries confidently using massive knives!

This thread and the more outdoorsy types on it have made me realise that I do need to start thinking about letting my own DC join in with more of the 'risky' jobs. Most of the time I just tend to do them myself without thinking to get them along to help.

OP posts:

MistySparrow · 09/05/2017 14:30

Massively inappropriate.

We once gave a survival kit to an older child for a birthday present but checked first with the parents that it was OK.

I think our children had knives from about ten, but we keep them and they are only to be used whittling sticks etc under supervision. Apart from anything else, what if your friend had had to break suddenly in traffic on the way home when the knife was out.

runloganrun101 · 09/05/2017 14:45

He cut himself, his mum fixed it. I think this warrants a little lesson in how to use knives rather than a post on MN

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2017 17:46

at the thought of a party bag with a miniature gin and 10 pack of Gauloise!

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/05/2017 17:51

..and of course a pen knife... :o

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/05/2017 17:54

You know, I think we all get that there are 7 year olds and younger, in this country and around the world that are perfectly fine with knives.

That's irrelevent to this thread really as the question is about whether we'd be happy of a random adult giving one to a random 7 year old as part pf a gift bag.

There is no way on earth that that is appropriate.

In fact it's not a good idea to do that regardless of the age of the child. I wouldn't be happy to hand a pen knife to an unknown 13/14 year old either.

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/05/2017 17:55

with, not of

NotCitrus · 09/05/2017 18:35

Unreasonable - everyone knows that it's bad luck to give a knife as a gift and any such knife must have a penny included with it so the recipient can buy it off the donor...

I'd say 7 is old enough to use a penknife but getting one unexpectedly in a party bag is a bad idea just because anyone might fiddle with it not knowing what it was. With a warning, it's pretty cool - though decent knives for a dozen kids must cost a lot!

nocoolnamesleft · 09/05/2017 21:58

We had pen knives at that age. Well, technically Swiss army knives. Of course, the difference is that our parents knew we had them: they had bought them for us, and showed us how to use them safely. I think they were trying to encourage us to be more outdoorsy, as we were more bookworms...

theclick · 09/05/2017 22:40

7 year old BABIES? Fucking hell, there's always one.

early30smum · 09/05/2017 22:43

7 year olds are not babies, and are capable of using knives if they're shown how to and are supervised. But giving 7 year olds a penknife or any knife in a party bag with or without prior warning is odd.

llangennith · 09/05/2017 22:47

Even my DC and DGC wouldn't say I was overprotective but a knife for a 7 yo?! Wtf?
Illegal apart from anything else.

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/05/2017 22:50

I was in an outdoor shop a few years ago, in my late 40s trying to get a new knife for one on my teenagers for Christmas and they wouldn't sell me one as I had no id on me. Wonder how a 7 year would manage.

DoJo · 10/05/2017 00:06

Jeez - someone gave my son a whistle in a party bag and I thought that was pretty irresponsible considering the first I knew of it was when he demonstrated it at full blast when I was driving along at about 60mph and nearly had a coronary and landed us all in a hedge!

I wouldn't expect anyone to give my kids something that could cause injury to them or others, or even damage to property without a warning - I have been warned about glow sticks in party bags before in case a child tried to eat them, so clearly my children go to parties with somewhat more cautious parents!

BarbarianMum · 10/05/2017 07:42

IIangenith don't be silly, of course it's not illegal for a 7 year old to own a penknife - they just can't carry it around randomly (but can carry it for a specified purpose eg a cub meeting) or buy one.

AChickenCalledKorma · 10/05/2017 08:49

We are outdoorsy and both our children have their own knives, can light fires, get filthy in the woods etc etc. Their knives were 10th birthday presents and it was a definite rite of passage that we considered them old enough to handle the knife responsibly and understand how to keep it safe, avoid leaving it lying around etc.

They did use all sorts of sharp and/or dangerous objects before the age of 10 (which is how we knew that the time was right), but having your own knife is a different thing.

I wouldn't in a million years put one in a party bag without making sure parents were happy. Party bags are for opening on the way home from the party and gorging on sweeties - not for acquiring a sharply-bladed object to cut yourself on.

AChickenCalledKorma · 10/05/2017 08:50

Actually, thinking about it DD1 had her knife at the age of 10. DD2 had to wait till she was 11, because at 10 she was still too dozy to be trusted with it .

wanderings · 10/05/2017 12:18

Was it a Famous Five party? 7-year-olds carrying penknives and matches would have been very normal in Enid Blyton's world.

WankersHacksandThieves · 10/05/2017 12:28

Maybe it was a Lord if the Flies party - did anyone get a conch in the party bag? :o

Blueflowers2011 · 10/05/2017 17:30

i wouldnt be impressed at all and would ask the mum who gave this out WTF.

KTC40 · 10/05/2017 17:34

I think at least a warning, if the parent hadn't found out he could of taken it to school, wouldn't go down well with the teachers 😱

DesertSky · 10/05/2017 17:37

Er I wouldn't trust my almost 7 year old with a knife. Maybe because he's quite immature for his age - possibly would trust his older (more sensible!) brother.
Def should have at least warned parents. You're not allowed to purchase knives in a shop unless you're over 18 isn't it?

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