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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that children should west school uniform for their First Holy Communion

140 replies

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/05/2017 13:55

Instead of parents having to fork out a small fortune for one day.

If it was really about the sacrament of God there is no need for all the frills and unnecessary expense.

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LaBrujaPiruja · 09/05/2017 14:30

I did mine in Spain in 1979 and back then (and in my school, run by nuns) mums could choose between a white tunic (very similar to the nun's habits but white instead of grey) or what the called "a Maria dress", which basically was a short sleeved white silk or cotton dress with minimal detail. Shiny fabrics, veils, bags or extravaganzas were not permitted. For boys the typical thing was a white tunic (altar boy style), a sailor suit or the school's uniform. I was in a white tunic as my mum thought the "Maria" dress would not have any use (I am very pale and looked and still look like a ghost in white clothes). But I would have wanted a "Maria" dress.

I have attended many FHCs in Spain in the past few years (my nieces and my Spanish friend's children) and the clothes are still the same, although some of them look much more expensive (fabrics, cut...). I have never seen any little girl looking like a bride. They are just little girls in white dresses.

However nowadays in Spain they have big parties afterwards (in my time it was just family and the FHC child's friends) with (in my view) expensive and fairly useless add-ons, as personalised sweeties and cupcakes table, a couple of entertainers and even photocalls with professional photographers...

Presents, back in my day, were related to the sacrament (missal, medal, rosary...), small items of jewelry (earrings, bracelets) or useful (books, a watch, a guitar, a camera...). The gifter usually asked the mum or grannies before buying anything. Nowadays there are FHC lists which include clothes, sportswear, tablets and smartphones...

Back here, my boys wore smart trousers and jacket and my girls (who had theirs at the RC school they attend) white tunics, although they were allowed to wear white FHC dresses underneath (anything with petticoats was kind of out of scope, btw).

I still think that FHCs in Spain are much more extravagant than here however I have never seen a limo and children are dressed much more nicely.

Just for context, the FHC is in the year the children are or will be 9 or 10 (depending on every bishop's orders; in the area I am from it is 10) and they have had to go to the local church catechesis for the three previous years (usually a session per week plus the Sunday Mass for children). In some places the parents also have to attend a much short course for parents in the year their children are having their FHC. Things change from bishopric to bishopric but in some places catechesis and FHC still can take place in RC schools.

Clembarrass · 09/05/2017 14:32

The white dress is traditional, I can't get that worked up about it.

It's traditional to dress up for similar religious-significant occasions. My parents would say wearing "luxury" rather than everyday clothing is a sign that you are approaching the ceremony with proper respect - it's not an everyday thing, it's special, and special clothing shows you have "made an effort".

Personally I don't like over-the-top fussy clothing - but I wouldn't wear that sort of thing myself either. I do like that there is room for a bit of individuality.
My DD won't wear a veil when the time comes, and I didn't wear one either (my MIL on the other hand had a full on knee length veil when she made her communion in the 1950s - that was the tradition then).

School uniform assumes everyone goes to the same school, and nobody is home educated or attends a school without uniform etc. So you wouldn't have everyone the same anyway. It's nothing to do with school anyway.

1bighappyfamily · 09/05/2017 14:42

Myheart you say that no-one wears dresses off the High Street but I was in Dunnes a few weeks ago (don't live in Ireland) and there were loads of lovely communion dresses! Surely people buy them otherwise they wouldn't sell them.

By the sounds of it, it's all gone a bit mad, particularly now the Celtic Tiger is back and kicking, certainly in Dublin.

We practice as CofE now - not Catholic and I have to confess though, there's a small part of me (that I have to slap every so often) that feels a bit bad that my daughters won't get "their day." they won't know any different though....

PurpleTraitor · 09/05/2017 14:48

I didn't even know this happened.

I've never heard of it other then theoretically when I did my RE GCSE

Wow

Boaby · 09/05/2017 15:01

My niece wore traditionally 'boy' clothes to her first communion (chinos, a shirt, cravat & a waistcoat) because she doesn't like wearing dresses - not because she identifies as the opposite gender...she just didn't want to wear a dress.
I was incredibly proud of her for not caring when people stared & whispered Smile

Dixiechickonhols · 09/05/2017 15:03

Interesting hearing about other countries. In our area In N/W England they make first holy communion in May yr 3 so age 7 or 8. Dd had weekly classes after school from November yr 3 (catholic school) and weekly classes at church after mass from December yr 3. There were also 3 parents classes.

LaBrujaPiruja · 09/05/2017 15:05

On the other hand, the FHC child's mum is usually too dressed up for the occasion in Spain. Some mums look like they are going to a royal party, IYKWIM... I attended a FHC in Spain last BH weekend and there was one mum in a long silk organza dress, another one in a low cut nude see-through lace dress and a third one in sequins.

I also remember, from other occasions, a boy in full admiralty uniform (no plain sailor suit for him; this was in Valencia a couple of years ago) and a little girl wearing such a full and heavy with embroidery dress she could barely move (Barcelona, maybe 10 years ago).

Radishal · 09/05/2017 15:06

Us too, Dixie.

LaBrujaPiruja · 09/05/2017 15:13

Dixie, my children (London) also took FHC at 7 or 8. Boys at local church, girls at school. The process was, I think, less painful than my Spanish friends' in my home town (we had to attend less sessions, I'd say) however my friend based in Madrid (and my cousins) had even less hassle as everything was taught / overseen / managed by the schools their children attend.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2017 15:19

The amount of money in presents is obscene. Everyone expects kids to be given a £10 each, fiends boy came out with over £300

But why "presents"? I get things like a bible, etc, but if money's given at all at such an occasion, why not give it to some religious charity? After all, isn't it supposed to be about "welcoming Jesus into your life" and all the implications which go with that? Hmm

TriJo · 09/05/2017 16:14

£300 a lot? I know kids in Ireland who came out with over €1000.

x2boys · 09/05/2017 16:47

HmmI got a lot of rosary beads and the odd cross and chain when I made my fhc in 1981 ds got money for his last yr he used it to pay for Dan TDM ticketsGrin

Radishal · 09/05/2017 16:50

£300? £1000? Not round our way.

Cleanermaidcook · 09/05/2017 16:54

I'm in UK(church of england but high church so similar to catholic)
DS (7) did his first communion this year. They have 6 weeks of lessons in church then do the communion on easter sunday, none wore white, girls in party type dress DS wore a suit he already owned.
They get confirmed in year 6 so 10yr old and they wear the white dress then but it's usually just a pretty dress like this one, there aren't really and gifts or parties, i bought mine a bible but and friends at church give cards but thats about it.

To think that children should west school uniform for their First Holy Communion
MDFalco · 10/05/2017 00:31

Those anonymous white robes that look a bit like the robe for the member of a choir make them look like they are joining the Carmelite friars.

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