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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not go back to this job and expect to be paid at the end of the month still

128 replies

Sadlady1980 · 07/05/2017 20:52

I started work last Monday, in a crèche in a leisure centre
Worked well as my mother in law lives next door so can do my school run and I'm back shortly after and so on
First job since having DD so thought maybe a good stepping stone to get a better job in a year or two.
Anyway, the job isn't working with the children at all, I'm a complete skivvy.
Cleaning toilets, washing up, making tea with the occasional nappy change thrown in but that's all.
The girls are all late teens / early twenties and seem to have taken a disliking to me for no apparent reason.
I'm in my 30s married, boring and a frump really so am no threat to all these young pretty girls. I work hard and don't mind doing the things they don't like doing so I'm really upset to why they don't talk to me, answer me with one word answers and generally just ignore me.
When I walk into the staff room it goes completely quiet and some snigger.
If I just can't face it again tomorrow will I get paid for this week I have worked?
I wouldn't mind but it's been a dreadful week, and a bloody hard 30 hours of work so would actually be annoyed to not be paid for how miserable they've all made me but during the six month probation it says I must give a weeks notice / they must give a weeks notice so this is what's worrying me
Thanks for any help Guys!

OP posts:
BARB060609 · 07/05/2017 22:46

Its horrible being the new person in a workplace full of bitches, I've been there myself. I stuck it out and to be honest they never really got any better but I learned to just ignore them. The problem with leaving is that your next workplace could be even worse, and if you leave there after a short time it will not look good on your CV to potential employers.

I hope whatever you decide to do makes you happy x

Mrsmadevans · 07/05/2017 22:57

This Snowflake is signing off and going to bed hahahaha
Goodnight all
Good luck OP, whatever anyone says this is not right and it's not you and you don't have to put up with it

mimishimmi · 07/05/2017 23:02

Give it some time. I was with girls like this last year, it's just an age thing. It does get better over time.

SnickersWasAHorse · 07/05/2017 23:26

I would give it a little longer op.
I know how something like that can get you down but I think that if you leave now it will look bad on your cv.

Original poster
Sadlady1980 · 08/05/2017 07:55

I've decided not to return.
Sent a long email to the manager so will see what comes of it.
I don't need it on a CV, I've had a long standing career prior to having children so I won't include a job I went to for a week as a reference anyway.
The money was handy but not the difference between us eating and not, would have been hard for my mother in law during the holidays to look afte DD all day and I just rhink me being this unhappy isn't worth it.
Bullying is how you make someone feel, and I know they wanted me to feel awkward, not needed and unhappy so in my opinion that's bullying 100%.

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 09:39

It's not.

Nancy91 · 08/05/2017 10:58

Glad you decided to leave, life is too short! Whether it is labelled as bullying or not, you were unhappy so you've made the right decision.

Original poster
Sadlady1980 · 08/05/2017 12:35

User - you are wrong and Seem to be very involved in what's bullying and what isn't for some reason

OP posts:
SnickersWasAHorse · 08/05/2017 12:52

It's important to know what constitutes bullying as schools get parents coming in shouting about bullying when all that has happen is another child was unkind to their child once.
This makes is hard for real victims of bullying to be heard. Bullying is sustained, frequent victimisation. This was unpleasant and unkind but you were not there long enough for it to be sustained.

user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 13:56

I'm really not wrong. Nobody bullied you, and you might want to toughen up a bit before the next time you try working. Grown ups generally give it more than a week, (and you weren't even full time) before they quit a job crying about mean girls.

TinselTwins · 08/05/2017 13:57

Bullying is how you make someone feel, and I know they wanted me to feel awkward, not needed and unhappy so in my opinion that's bullying 100%.

Nope
If you approach younger colleagues with the patronising tone you have refered to them with on here, and as a result they don't like you and don't want to make chit chat on their probably unpaid lunch break with you. Thats not bullying, that's them responding to you fairly appropriately. You think they're just little girls (when they are adults or at least nearly adults) so they quite rightly pick up that you are not going to be mates.

You then accusing them of bullying as a result is much more akin to bullying than anything they've done

user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 13:59

Exactly Tinsel. OP is more the bully in this situation.

TinselTwins · 08/05/2017 14:00

In short, you're the bully. You've quit your little hobby job/pocket money job because a) you didn't get to just cuddle babies all day, you had to clean up after them and b) you didn't understand that your younger colleagues may not be doing the cleaning up because they may have more experience and qualifications to you despite their years, ergo probably had extra duties, rather than just "not wanting to" clean bogs and c) you sound like you had fantasies of having "adult company" at your little jobs and having a giggle with "the girls" in the staff room, and quite frankly that's TV not real life! Nobody is obliged to socialise with you on their breaks!

TinselTwins · 08/05/2017 14:02

And now you're punishing the poor young women because of your disappointment to have ended up working with "little girls" who were senior to you. And yes they were all senior to you if they had been there more than a week! Instead of whatever romcom type work-mate scenario you seem to have been hoping for there

SootyShearwater · 08/05/2017 15:29

Really weird responses from User493022461 and TinselTwins here Hmm

User: I'm just saying what the majority think when they read something like that. Who appointed you to decide what the majority think and express it to all and sundry?

Tinsel: And now you're punishing the poor young women because of your disappointment to have ended up working with "little girls" who were senior to you. And yes they were all senior to you if they had been there more than a week! Instead of whatever romcom type work-mate scenario you seem to have been hoping for there What on earth are you on about? Really Hmm

SnickersWasAHorse · 08/05/2017 17:25

This is how I read it Sooty
And now you're punishing the poor young women because of your disappointment to have ended up working with "little girls" who were senior to you. The other staff members will now have to pick up the slack because the OP has left without notice. There is a very real chance that the other women were senior to the OP. My line manger is 10 years younger than me but she is more experienced.
And yes they were all senior to you if they had been there more than a week! Instead of whatever romcom type work-mate scenario you seem to have been hoping for there Unless the OP has some child care qualification she failed to mention then they were senior to her.

Mrsmadevans · 08/05/2017 17:27

OP I am so glad you decided to quit . I have been thinking about you all day until now . Good luck in whatever you do next

HSMMaCM · 08/05/2017 17:49

I still think my suggestion of taking cakes would have worked.

WaitrosePigeon · 08/05/2017 17:52

I handed my notice in today under the probabtion period. I'm not doing the weeks notice. I'm still going to be paid.

Nancy91 · 08/05/2017 17:52

A couple of the above posters seem to want you to feel shit OP. Ignore them. They may have a chip on their shoulder because they aren't able to quit their jobs. You shouldn't go to a job that you dread, always put your happiness first Smile

harshbuttrue1980 · 08/05/2017 18:45

It sounds like you just didn't like taking instructions from people younger than you. That's the nature of modern workplaces though - the oldest person isn't necessarily the most senior. I'm in my mid thirties and I'm a senior teacher and have older people reporting to me. Likewise though, I report to the Deputy Head, and she's in her late twenties so younger than me. And so what?? The best and most experienced person should be the most senior, not just the one who's had the most birthdays.

user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 18:50

OP I am so glad you decided to quit . I have been thinking about you all day until now

Can I suggest a good book? You obviously are way way way way overinvested in MN>

sonjadog · 08/05/2017 18:54

Bullying is seriously overused on here at the moment. It seems to have taken over from everyone being narsissistic. People not wanting to be your friend is not bullying. People not welcoming you and making including you their main priority is not bullying.

Delatron · 08/05/2017 19:11

I think we're focusing on the definition of bullying too much. If I started a new job and got one word answers, sniggering behind my back and a general unfriendly attitude from my colleagues, without them even getting to know me then I wouldnt want work there either.
You can't assume the OP arrived on day one and started acting superior as she was older...She says she cracked on with her jobs and tried to make an effort.

user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 20:06

You can assume it, it's plain to see.

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