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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not go back to this job and expect to be paid at the end of the month still

128 replies

Sadlady1980 · 07/05/2017 20:52

I started work last Monday, in a crèche in a leisure centre
Worked well as my mother in law lives next door so can do my school run and I'm back shortly after and so on
First job since having DD so thought maybe a good stepping stone to get a better job in a year or two.
Anyway, the job isn't working with the children at all, I'm a complete skivvy.
Cleaning toilets, washing up, making tea with the occasional nappy change thrown in but that's all.
The girls are all late teens / early twenties and seem to have taken a disliking to me for no apparent reason.
I'm in my 30s married, boring and a frump really so am no threat to all these young pretty girls. I work hard and don't mind doing the things they don't like doing so I'm really upset to why they don't talk to me, answer me with one word answers and generally just ignore me.
When I walk into the staff room it goes completely quiet and some snigger.
If I just can't face it again tomorrow will I get paid for this week I have worked?
I wouldn't mind but it's been a dreadful week, and a bloody hard 30 hours of work so would actually be annoyed to not be paid for how miserable they've all made me but during the six month probation it says I must give a weeks notice / they must give a weeks notice so this is what's worrying me
Thanks for any help Guys!

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 07/05/2017 22:02

I think you should put in a complaint about the bullying to the manager

Oh good lord. These answers are truly worrying. Are there really so many weak willed entitled snowflakes about?

TinselTwins · 07/05/2017 22:02

instant work buddies..

SingaSong12 · 07/05/2017 22:03

I would say YANBU to feel bad about being left out of conversations and ignored. It is horrible

I think YABU to just give things one week. The others might open up a bit. Perhaps they feel a bit intimidated by someone older, even though you don't feel threatening (and you aren't). .

Could you try asking them about the more interesting bits of the job, especially if they have the experience- it shows you are keen.
If you haven't already try asking one open question so they have to at least say a few words. If you feel you are being bullied and are going to resign anyway you could try having a word with your manager about not feeling fully part of the team.
Please try one more week, (then a week notice so max three weeks)

Whichever way you go please try to give them the week notice to begin to get someone else. If you go into similar work you might meet one of them again. (I found myself being managed by a colleague from a previous employer).

TinselTwins · 07/05/2017 22:04

maybe the young girls are shy and are sticking to people they know well as they're young and shy around new people who think they're above them by virtue of age

It's horrible that people are telling the OP to report these girls - THAT is mean

Sorry you didn't get the "adult company" you'ld hoped for OP, but the girls have done nothing wrong.

Delatron · 07/05/2017 22:07

I don't see where the OP said she was too good for the tasks they set her? She thought she was being employed in a nursery to work with children, not spend most of her time cleaning the loos and with little interaction with the children. She even said she was happy to crack on with these tasks.

Giving one word answers, sniggering at her and blanking her in the staff room is both unprofessional and unkind.

Mrsmadevans · 07/05/2017 22:15

user1493022461 bullying is never alright.
I have just retired from working in the nhs as a childrens nurse after 40 years . Working night shifts, every Easter, Christmas, Bank Holiday and half term . I have nursed children with Meningococcal meningitis, Influenza, Hepatitis, Hiv YOU NAME IT I HAVE NURSED IT and been at risk of catching it and taking it home to my own dds .
I think you will agree I am no snowflake yet I was badly bullied in my first placement and I nearly quit , it had a profound effect on me and I was very traumatised by it . Bullying , laughing and belittling people is never right .......ever.

TinselTwins · 07/05/2017 22:16

The OP has assumed that the "young girls" "don't like doing" the menial tasks the OP has given, despite the fact that the OP is the most junior member of staff from the sounds of it. It doesn't seem to have crossed the OPs mind that some of these "young girls" might have different (senior) roles to her despite their inferior age

The truth is probably that some of these "young girls" have worked their way up and gained childcare qualifications and as such their skills are directed into planning etc as they've done their time cleaning bogs and being junior!

RedJubbly · 07/05/2017 22:16

A friend of mine in her 50s started work in a call centre, with all colleagues in their mid twenties. She experienced the silences when she walked into a room, and being ignored as if she didn't exist.
But she toughed it out and is glad she did - it takes time to settle into an established group, but people come and people go and soon you're not the new person any more. I'd give it a bit longer.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 07/05/2017 22:17

Maybe they're offended by you referring to them as "girls" when, by the sounds of it, they're all adult women (or nearly adults, if any of the ones in their late teens are 16/17)?

Sorry you're feeling uncomfortable, but I think YWBU to quit after a week for these reasons.

user1493022461 · 07/05/2017 22:19

user1493022461 bullying is never alright

Nobody is being bullied! It is used on here far too much, people aren't your best friend on your first day and they are bullying bitches!

OP clearly has an attitude problem, most likely they picked up on it, that's all.

LuluJakey1 · 07/05/2017 22:19

There is nothng worse than a group of 'mean girls' who think they are so much better than any other woman around. They aren't of course. Their behaviour says more about them and their small minds and small lives.
You can do this for a week. Hand in your notice tomorrow, say the job is not what you thought it was going to be. On Friday, write a letter to your line manager and copy in the overall manager explaining how unhappy you have been and the way you have been treated - give examples- and leave them to deal with it.
Don't ever think about them agan unless it is to pity them. They are pathetic.

user1493022461 · 07/05/2017 22:19

On Friday, write a letter to your line manager and copy in the overall manager explaining how unhappy you have been and the way you have been treated

They can put it on the wall for everyone to have a laugh.

scottishdiem · 07/05/2017 22:20

Given how you have reacted to a less than ideal first week, what will you do if your next job is similarly difficult at the start?

You need to do a few more weeks and a have a non-accretionary chat with your manager before you can leave saying you gave it your best shot. Nothing you have described is bullying at this stage but if it continues then you can look at ACAS guidance.

TinselTwins · 07/05/2017 22:23

I once worked with an older woman who referred to me and another younger woman as "girls" all day.

She managed to remember the (older) managers names though! seemed to think she was more "on their level" than ours even though she was professionally the same as us and there was only 2 of us so not a lot of names to learn.

Pissed us both off.

I ignored her until she said something, at which point I said "Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were speaking to some Corgis or some children that had snuck in here somewhere"

She remembered my name after that

LuluJakey1 · 07/05/2017 22:27

I am amazed by the number of people on here who think this is normal when you start a new job and that the OP should just put up with it.

It certainly isn't normal in the places I have worked. If it had ever happened, we would have dealt with staff who did this to a new person with a very firm conversation and the disciplinary code. It is all about the culture that exists in a work place. This place sounds like it is staffed by a few not very nice young girls who have a BTEC and think they are Queen Bees.

Is there an Induction process for you OP?

Is it a council Leisure Centre or a private one?

LuluJakey1 · 07/05/2017 22:30

User149 if that is what her manager and the general manager chose to do, it would confirm how awful the people working there are and that she was right to leave. But she would have left knowing she hadn't been cowed into just not saying anything.

Mrsmadevans · 07/05/2017 22:30

If the creche is run by the county council (I thought it might be as it is run in a leisure centre) then I think they will be duty bound to deal with this extremely carefully. Councils and other civil service jobs have very strict policies regarding bullying and harassment.

Legma37 · 07/05/2017 22:31

Calm down User. And 'snowflake'?....really?

Wholovesorangesoda · 07/05/2017 22:33

I recently started a job like this...Co workers all much younger and very cliquey. Job not at all what I expected. I've been there 6 months now, three of my team have left and it's a mu

TinselTwins · 07/05/2017 22:34

LuluJakey1

so nobody shy can work where you work?

all the op has actually described is that the girls aren't chatty chatty matey with her.

And yes, in a creche, the person with the BTEC is superior to someone who doesn't.

Age doesn't automatically skip you up the hierarchies

LuluJakey1 · 07/05/2017 22:35

TinselTwins Of course they have done something wrong- don't be so ridiculous. They are behaving immaturely at best and in a way designed to exclude someone, make her feel bad and belittle her.

Reporting them is entirely appropriate and not mean. Why do you think what they are doing is 'nothing wrong'? Would you behave like that at work?

Morphene · 07/05/2017 22:35

This behaviour certainly falls under the technical definition of bullying - IF it continues for a period of time and IF when warned their behaviour is unacceptable, they continue.

I would very much point out to management that you can't do your job well if people won't communicate with you.

With the staff room thing, I would be inclined to sigh loudly and announce that you are not an under cover BBC reporter and they can talk freely around you. Maybe ask what they are so paranoid about?

LuluJakey1 · 07/05/2017 22:37

They are not shy- stop making excuses for them. They need training in how to work with other people at the very least. God knows how they manage parents and customers if they can't smile and be helpful to a colleague.

Wholovesorangesoda · 07/05/2017 22:37

Pressed post too soon. Oops. It's a much more pleasant environment but I still dislike the job and am only sticking it out because my last job was a bit poop too so I only stayed 6 months and therefore feel leaving after 6 months again would look awful. Also, I intend to change to part time work by the end of the year so don't want to start something new for 6 months only. I'd probably give it a bit longer to see how it goes if I was you. Having said that, we have had a fair few people stay for a few days/weeks then leave and I don't think it's harmed their job prospects or anything at all so if it genuinely is that awful just leave

Daffodils07 · 07/05/2017 22:45

Tbh if that's how they behave in a place where they look after children then I would serously not want my children being looked after by them.
Ignoring,belittling and sniggering is quite frankly nasty.
And yes it does take time to know people, but it's a two sided and if they are used to welcoming new children then the same should apply to someone who has just joined there work force.
Not setting the childre a good example Hmm

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