AIBU to be really pissed off with this Cafe?

[mermaidofthewestside]

Morning MN
Went to a cafe yesterday with friends. My daughter has eczema & dairy products really affect her skin. She has not had any in 4 years.
Where I live there are a lot of places that do vegan/dairy free options & dairy free ice-cream is pretty normal everywhere.
They had one dairy free sorbet & I made it really clear that DD couldn't have dairy & asked him to check the cones were dairy free too.
After a few mouthfuls DD became upset & said she didn't want the sorbet & became very itchy. I put it down to tiredness because I didn't want to re-question the cafe staff & our friends had paid & it was quite a small place, so I did that 'don't-want-to-cause-a-scene thing & took DD home. By the time we got home 15 mins later her whole face had blistered & her torso was red & blotchy. She was very upset. I gave her some piriton but DD was unable to go to her friend's party in the PM as she was so itchy & upset.
I rang the cafe to get a list of ingredients as she'd reacted so badly & they told me it had milk in!
They were apologetic & said if we wanted to come back they'd make sure DD got a free dairy free treat but today I feel really annoyed that DD had to put up with some major itchiness & miss out on a party & her day was essentially ruined because of their mistake.
I don't want to give them a slating on Tripadvisor or anything but don't feel very happy about all this on reflection.... WWYD?

I'm lactose intolerant and small cafes or stalls are the worst - you ask if something is dairy free and they say 'no, it's got egg in it' 🙄 Or 'no, but it's gluten free' - as if that will do instead! I like the suggestion upthread about carrying a printed list of ingredients. Once someone's given me that answer I don't trust them to list ingredients accurately.

Lots of people saying the op should have checked the list of ingredients herself. If it's a cafe where they make their own stuff from scratch there won't be a packet with ingredient list on. I think the onus is on the staff to either know for sure what's in there or tell the customer that they can't guarantee that it's dairy free ( or nut, or gluten or whatever has been asked about).

My daughter is dairy intolerant (vomiting, diarrhoea, stomach cramps, face rash) she's had it since before she was born (if i had dairy while pregnant she wouldnt stay still, kicking and punching to the point of making me cry, until i worked out it was dairy and gave up) there are about 2 cafés i trust to get it right when i ask because i have spoken to the people before and they have gone through the folders with me and been so helpful and told me what they personally make (some places do everything to stop you looking at the folder, but by law they have to have one and let you read it). There is no way i would take anyone's word for it without checking, at the end of the day it's the responsibility of the parent to check what goes in to a child is safe.

Also you are very lucky - there's hardly any dairy free around here! One dairy free ice-cream in the next town and that has to be in a tub. Cakes and biscuits are usually a no go. Starbucks can make a chocolate frap with soya and the pump sauce - the premixed have dairy in (again, most staff will put the premixed syrup which is milk based in soya milk! It was only when the lady doing coffee screeched that they couldn't do that, that i realised just how little the staff know, or even are that bothered about allergies. The coffee lady took over and made a fantastic drink, she explained the problem and taught the other one how to do it and to always get the book out, but the look of couldn't careless shone through). I also still cant get over every time i order dairy free i still get asked if i wanted whipped cream on top!!

My children have serious allergies. We always carry medicine including epi pens with us. With the best will in the world, the chances of exposure to allergens is high. We follow the policy that we do not give our children anything unless we read the label ourselves. I found there are many different words for different allergens. I would suggest in the future that you do not buy food unless you read the label. We also wiped tables down and brought a table mat if we thought it was needed. Her reaction sounds like a strong reaction and I would def take care in the future.

My children learned that no meant no very quickly and did not fight it.

As for the cafe, I would send a letter high lighting the issues and dangers of the situation. Not sure about reporting them, but definitely put it in writing. What would bring you satisfaction? They have said sorry. they have offered a free something. What do you want to see happen?

Yanbu it's the law for all food establishments to know or have a list of the main allergens in all of their food. Can you imagine going in a pub or restaurant and trying to view all the labels and packaging. They broke the law and its sounds dramatic but for another child it could have been a life or death situation. My son has a nut & sesame allergy and carries epi pens so we are familiar with this stuff

Might sound mental HOWEVER, are you sure that the sorbet was the issue and not the cone? My daughter has outgrown her dairy allergy but often, crazy as it is people don't put the two together and will stick a wafer containing dairy in a dairy free sorbet
I would also put in a complaint with trading standards because it could be worse for others, it could even result in loss of life. Allergies are serious and should be treated as such

imagine if it were a nut allergy and she died, I know they don't really compare but a company has the responsibility to know whats in there food so I would suggest you make a complaint to someone so that this does not happen again. you can do a tripadvisor review just don't be really mean and make it more a cautionary tale rather than a complaint

This is why I tell all my staff to not advise and hand over the list. It's not the law that staff should know it's the law that they have to gave the information and have it readily available and on display. It's quite unrealistic to expect a person to know what's in all food and drink items. I think it was both yours and there fault. They should have directed you to a list. You should have asked for a list. I'd put it down to lesson learned and accept there apology

So what if her reaction was more severe as in an anaphylaxis type reaction? So that because they made a mistake and said sorry the op should just be fine?!? Seriously jog on. This is a ridiculous way to think it's hard enough to live with an allergy but it really is not unreasonable to expect them to know the ingredients in their food or for them TBH and say we can't be sure. If they had at least said the latter the op would be in control and I highly doubt would have risked it. They lied and this could have had awful consequences. I'm not sure what you can do op but I'd be livid. I'm coeliac and it's truly a mindfield to eat out so I completely sympathise. This reminds me of that poor guy who's curry killed him because the restaurant told him it didn't contain nuts, the owner was sent to jail recently.

She has not had dairy in 4 years yet you did not confirm the ingredients in sorbet? My experience is I can rarely have sorbet because it contains milk or cream more often than not. I am not suggesting the cafe is not at fault, but it does seem you were relying too much on them to care about your daughter's needs as much as you.

So what if her reaction was more severe as in an anaphylaxis type reaction

So a parent should be able to tell the difference between a possible eczema trigger which is at worst irritating, and a serious allergy which could be fatal, is so what.

FFS.

Sorry that's my poor English!! I meant that it was unacceptable regardless of reaction type and that she shouldn't be being told to just accept the apology as it was a mistake. Has the reaction been worse I was wondering if that would still have been the other posters advice. I think it's shocking to say that the op is in any way wrong to be upset or to blame for this

I have no idea how anyone can say yabu in this situation.
They are selling a product and you made them aware dd couldn't have dairy it is there job to know what is suitable.
Having a child with an allergy is awful and its horrible that you put you faith in others to keep you dd healthy and safe.
YANBU and its up to you if you go back for a freebie.
I think you need to speak to the management to make gem aware that their processes arent working and this time they were lucky it wasn't a life threatening allergy.
Hope your DD is better today x

silky - imagine if it were a nut allergy and she died.

I'm not sure what you're saying there. You can die of a milk allergy, in fact you can die from eating any food if you have an untreated anaphylactic reaction to it.

She has not had dairy in 4 years yet you did not confirm the ingredients in sorbet?

Do you mean the sorbet she was told was dairy free after she asked and said her DD could not have dairy?

Have you reported them yet op?

I think the response from the cafe is inadequate, because it does nothing to seek balance.

A dessert that the child could ingest was what the OP originally wanted and the cafe should have provided.

So the offer of a free dessert offers nothing in the way of compensation for what the child suffered, as a result of the cafe's negligence.

insancerre I've emailed environmental health & I'm waiting for a reply. Haven't given the cafe details yet just waiting for them to contact or signpost me.
This thread has made me realise just how many people out there have severe allergies & even life threatening ones.
I really appreciate everyone's comments on here.

Hope they get back to you soon

I work in large scale food manufacturing. I am very glad you have contacted the eho. Even if this was a genuine mistake and not from laziness or apathy, that would not mitigate the potential damage that could have been (and was!) done.

The response imo shows that they do not realise the seriousness of the situation.

Having an official speak to them about the incident and check their procedures will have much more weight than you complaining as an individual. It will also, hopefully, make them review the way they do things and their staff training and prevent any further incidents.

Update; They passed me on to trading standards who will be paying them a visit imminently.
Impressed with how quickly it's all happened.

Oh, interesting to know it was trading standards and not EH

Sorry I gave the wrong advice earlier in the thread (although I did say thst EH would pass you on to the right people if needed 😉)

Whoever told you it was dairy free (twice) is thick as pig shit.

Surely you read the ingredients and it's there in bold black and white? Or you ask that chef or baker who prepared the item? It's not hard. And if you really can't be certain you tell the customer you don't have access to the information and let them decide what to do. Though really all food establishments should have full nutritional information available for their menu.

You don't get to just make mistakes in these situations, some allergens can actually kill people if they eat them.

Report them, they need a strong reminder from a health official.

Important Update
Thanks to some of your comments I reported the cafe to the environmental health who then signposted to Trading Standards.
The cafe was visited the next day by officers and the cafe was given a good talking to and they are now on the council's radar.
To those of you who highlighted that dairy can be fatal for some, thanks for sharing this as I didn't know.
Hopefully this has prevented any future incidents at this cafe.