AIBU to be really pissed off with this Cafe?

[mermaidofthewestside]

Morning MN
Went to a cafe yesterday with friends. My daughter has eczema & dairy products really affect her skin. She has not had any in 4 years.
Where I live there are a lot of places that do vegan/dairy free options & dairy free ice-cream is pretty normal everywhere.
They had one dairy free sorbet & I made it really clear that DD couldn't have dairy & asked him to check the cones were dairy free too.
After a few mouthfuls DD became upset & said she didn't want the sorbet & became very itchy. I put it down to tiredness because I didn't want to re-question the cafe staff & our friends had paid & it was quite a small place, so I did that 'don't-want-to-cause-a-scene thing & took DD home. By the time we got home 15 mins later her whole face had blistered & her torso was red & blotchy. She was very upset. I gave her some piriton but DD was unable to go to her friend's party in the PM as she was so itchy & upset.
I rang the cafe to get a list of ingredients as she'd reacted so badly & they told me it had milk in!
They were apologetic & said if we wanted to come back they'd make sure DD got a free dairy free treat but today I feel really annoyed that DD had to put up with some major itchiness & miss out on a party & her day was essentially ruined because of their mistake.
I don't want to give them a slating on Tripadvisor or anything but don't feel very happy about all this on reflection.... WWYD?

YANBU OP!
Yes, you are responsible for checking the ingredients, which you did by asking the staff (twice). If they are not sure , they should ask the kitchen.

I think the people saying you should have checked the ingredients list yourself are a bit judgey.

I have a DD with multiple allergies. If we go out to eat we ask 'is this free from xyz' and then take their word for it because you would expect them to either know or check with someone who did know.

YANBU to be annoyed. If someone has said its dairy free I think it would be weird to check the packaging of every single thing in a restaurant

and trusted that the dairy free sorbet was dairy free

Sorry to point out the very clear issue with your comment, but you said it yourself. She trusted that the item printed in the menu as dairy free was in fact dairy free. They cannot put an item in a menu listed as dairy free when it isn't. A customer could become seriously ill.

I suspect OP is getting a hard time because some people still don't take food intolerances and allergies seriously.

Bantandec Have a look at the ingredients of commercially produced sorbets.....you may well find dairy there. I have a friend with lactose intolerance and we went through every bloody sorbet container in the freezer cabinet at a major supermarket, and every one had dairy in the list.

I would personally ask to check the ingredients book myself and not always take staff word for it as a few times I've found they're not that well informed. Most restaurants and cafes are quite good at knowing and telling you about preparation especially if it's been cooked/prepared by them in their kitchens.

Only reason I say this is I have a brother who as a child had a severe cows milk allergy, so had goats milk etc. my mum always had to check and had carob treats etc.

My friend also is quite gluten intolerant but when we eat out she asks specifically if they have a dish without gluten in it which they're required to have by law. If she isn't happy with their answer she will ask to go elsewhere. She will also ask to see a list of what's in the recipe being served if they have one. Luckily she's not got a severe case.

When I worked at a Deli and a customer would ask if it was gluten free, dairy free etc I would check the book for them. I cannot remember a customer ever asking to see the book for themselves.

A friend of mine has a severe nut allergy (throat swells up/can't breath/death) and carries an EpiPen. He always asks to see the allergens book in a restaurant and if he has any doubts he will ask to speak directly to the chef.

I think it depends what kind of allergy you are talking about. If it's just a fashionable "I'm gluten intolerant today dahling" that may give you at best a digestive moment, it doesn't matter and you can go on what the staff say as the worst that will happen is minor discomfort.

If you have actual allergic reactions (such as described here ) swelling, itching etc. It makes sense to check yourself.

I'd send them a photo of DD's skin and a link to news stories where such carelessness has killed people - saying "this could be you in the papers next time. I don't want a sodding free dairy-free treat, I want you to demonstrate that you've sharpened up your act and are no longer putting your customers' lives at risk."

*Bantanddec
*
Unfortunately lots of sorbets do also contain milk powder or similar.

she asks specifically if they have a dish without gluten in it which they're required to have by law

No, they're not. They are required by law to know which of their dishes contain allergens, and which ones. They most certainly aren't required to cater for all dietary requirements!

Unfortunately so many people working in food establishments are clueless about food and allergies.

I would always insist on checking myself, because too many people can't be trusted to tell the truth.

I'm a fussy bugger who will only eat butter not spread etc and I've lost count of the number of times I've sent scones, toast etc back because it's got spread on it despite several assurances that it's butter.

YANBU.

The nut oil thing happened to DM; she asked if there were any nuts in her curry as she was allegic (before she ordered), told there wasn't but they'd cooked in peanut oil. She was very ill and could've died, thankfully she had her epipen and was OK.

MangosAndPapayas I have a similar (fatal) allergy to your friend. I would still always rely on the expertise of the waiting staff (who represent the chef and the rest of the kitchen team). If I felt the need to check every ingredient personally (because I had no faith in the staff), then it wouldn't be a restaurant I would eat in!

The OP asked, she was misled and the establishment should be falling over themselves to correct their procedures so no one else suffers. The OP's DD didn't die, but someone with a more severe allergy could have died. Steps need to be taken to avoid that.

And I bet the OP's DD is feeling bloody miserable today - when your skin blisters up like that, it doesn't reset itself magically with some antihistamines, it can take days, sometimes weeks to calm down, especially if she's lost control and clawed at it. It is not OK for the the cafe to not take that consequence more seriously.

Sorbet technically contains water, fruit juice and sugar, I've never heard of sorbet being made with milk at all

Sorbet doesn't contain any dairy it's a mix of water, sugar and pureed fruit/flavouring

From the OP They had one dairy free sorbet & I made it really clear that DD couldn't have dairy & asked him to check the cones were dairy free too

YNBU. I had an old friend who's DC had an anaphylactic style reaction to any dairy then ate. It could have been a lot worse.

I wouldn't want the free treat either. Unless they'd quadruple checked it had no dairy in this time!

AwaywiththePixies27 A restaurant once served me nuts in my starter and main despite them both being preordered weeks in advance and the allergy clearly communicated. I nearly ate them, but my dining companion realised something looked wrong with my food an dstopped me - very grateful.

The restaurant apologised and offered me a three-course free meal for myself and a guest at a time of my choosing. I took the apology. I never went back. I never will. I can't think who would want a free treat from a place that had made such an appalling mistake (twice in my case) in the first place!

Yes that's what I don't get. I mean I understand the ethos behind it, the ethos being 'offer them something free or they'll sue the fuck out of us'. But the logic of thinking someone will come back and eat at a place who couldn't accommodate them in the first place is

Did you read about that man who died? He had a peanut allergy I think it was and they'd stated explicitly, no nuts, they'd been using some kind of nut flour for the food as it was cheaper, and obviously stupidly thought it was okay to give him!

It was this one. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-36360111

I think one of the things with cavalier attitudes towards dairy allergies is a lot of people are clueless dont understand it and think its just a case of having a dodgy tummy for a couple of hours.

I would take your daughter in and so them as well what happens if a customer has an allergic reaction so that they understand. I knew someone with celiac disease who also had allergies to corn and other things . She rarely eat out and even when she did and people told her that the things were gluten-free etc. she still hesitated as many people just don't know.

That much reaction after a few mouthfuls of something that at most is very low in dairy -- doesn't sound like mere eczema. I reckon your DD's condition has escalated to something approaching full blow allergy with potential anaphylactic implications. PDQ I'd get medical advice about how to treat it as such.

I agree with this pp - that doesn't sound like dairy triggering eczema.

Thanks so much everyone for your posts!
You've all posted some really good points/comments/advice/experiences. I'm really grateful for the feedback, even those of you who think I'm an unreasonable person for being pissed off.
DD's skin still isn't great & we won't be going to any cafes in the future that we don't know really well already.
To the people who said all sorbet is dairy free, I've come across a few in the past that contain milk which is why I asked if it was dairy free in the first place. I then told the man she was allergic & asked him to check the box of cones ingredients.
Fortunately it wasn't life-threatening but totally agree that it could happen to someone in the future who could require medical assistance & it could be life threatening.
I'm not going to do a trip advisor review but I am going to start by going in next week & talking to them about her reaction & see what they say re allergy awareness etc...As far as I'm aware it's a relatively new business.
I don't run a cafe, but if I did I'd make sure I was very confident about the ingredients of what I was selling & wd always check if ever unsure.
Can't believe people don't.

Pringlecat, I totally agree!
I'm never taking DD there again!
The restaurant apologised and offered me a three-course free meal for myself and a guest at a time of my choosing. I took the apology. I never went back. I never will. I can't think who would want a free treat from a place that had made such an appalling mistake (twice in my case) in the first place!

mermaidofthewestside If they don't take you seriously when you go back in, do please escalate to an outside agency. And I hope your DD is feeling a bit better today.

Some allergic reactions are more serious than others, but that doesn't change that this one ruined her afternoon, upset her and was totally preventable. A lot of people without allergies don't realise that if there is a linked condition like eczema, the impact can take a long time to recover from, even once the immediate danger has passed.

Lots of steroid cream, cuddles and a treat that isn't sorbet are definitely in order!

I've nc'd for this.
I work in a school and part of my job is to take the reception class to the dinner hall. I always keep a check on the children with allergies or dietary restrictions as I have had to pull the cook up on stuff a couple of times. Once she was giving out stuff to vegi children that had gelatine in and another time I had to explain the something wasn't dairy free.

If your child has an allergy that severe never trust anyone else to check.

Presuming you're in the U.K. There's laws about this now they should have a list of all allergens for all products. I'd take it further.