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Original poster

Found out someone I'm due to 'work' with tomorrow has a rape conviction

248 replies

UrsulaPandress · 06/05/2017 22:47

I am scheduled to help out at an event tomorrow and I found out today that one of the organisers was jailed for rape a few years ago.

I am so not sure how to react. I don't know him well, but he has pissed me off on the odd occasion I have met him so I was not looking forward to spending the day with him, but this revelation has left me reeling.

I am not aware that I have ever met a bona fide offender before so I am searching my soul to see if I believe that someone should be presumed to have served their sentence and allowed to get on with their life. Or should I spit in his coffee every opportunity I get?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/05/2017 23:51

Derry Mcann Confused.

SuperBeagle · 06/05/2017 23:51

He's been convicted, but he's served his time, and in the eyes of the law, that is good enough. You don't have a right to carry out vigilante justice. If you can't behave in a civil manner and put aside what you "know" (and I say that because you haven't mentioned the source, nor do you know the details), then I'd suggest pulling out of the event.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:53

To be clear I am NOT condoning rape, but before we lynch the guy without knowing a thing about it, just think rationally.

He got convicted for rape. Most rapists don't get taken to court, most rapists who do get taken to court get off. This vile misogynist got convicted and you STILL want to give him the benefit of the doubt?

Rape culture.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:53

Are you vile people serious? I hope none of you have daughters.

PickAChew · 06/05/2017 23:54

With restless's options, I'd only go for 3 if he looked to be charming someone.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:54

Do you know what rape does to women and girls? It's not something you just get over. It ruins whole lives.

PurpleDaisies · 06/05/2017 23:55

Really? With a convicted rapist?

Yes-I was agreeing with smh saying to act professionally. That's what I would do, and have done when I've worked with or treated ex offenders.

I don't condone what they've done (and some of the comments on the thread about rape being a "mistake" are horrendous) but once they've served their time I don't think it's my place to punish them any more.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 06/05/2017 23:56

Rebel you can twist what I'm saying all you want, it is a mistake to rape, the same as it is to kill or burgle - that is different to saying he did it "by mistake"

GreatFuckability · 06/05/2017 23:57

I've been raped. That doesn't mean I'm going to get all hysterical about this.
Keep yourself safe or decline to take part. those are the options. which of those you'd do is entirely your choice OP. and both are valid choices.
If you think the event organiser might not be aware of his history, you could make them aware, but other than that I don't see what else you could do.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:58

Yes-I was agreeing with smh saying to act professionally. That's what I would do, and have done when I've worked with or treated ex offenders.

No rapist should be walking the streets or anywhere near a woman.

Italiangreyhound · 06/05/2017 23:59

I would probably call in sick! It's voluntary and you don't hvee to do it if you don't wish to.

I don't think you should be alone or be civil if you don't want to.

It's your call.

Good luck.

Thanks
NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:59

That doesn't mean I'm going to get all hysterical about this.

Sorry but I am so upset that you would call being angry about this "getting hysterical" which is in itself a sexist term. Not all victims/survivors feel the same as you.

AppleTree92 · 06/05/2017 23:59

to show that you can deal with people who have values and backgrounds very different from your own

Rape is not some fucking value two people disagree on! It's a disgusting crime, vile! It's not something one should have to put up with so as to remain 'professional'.

I have far more respect for people who would refuse to work with this man than those who do.

NoLoveofMine · 07/05/2017 00:00

If only everyone refused to work with rapists then maybe, just maybe, rape would actually be a frowned upon crime.

NoLoveofMine · 07/05/2017 00:02

I would love to know if any of the posters saying "be professional" would be happy for their daughters to be around this man?

RebelRogue · 07/05/2017 00:02

Rebel you can twist what I'm saying all you want, it is a mistake to rape, the same as it is to kill or burgle

Wow.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 07/05/2017 00:03

NoLove got fuck all to do with "rape culture". And I'm fully aware of the effects of rape (family member).

There is no source of the information, no facts no nothing on this thread - so without any of those things it's purely hearsay.

And yes, rapists are the lowest of the low (among peadophiles), but who's to say he hasn't regretted his actions since he made them? Who's to say because he did it then he'd do it now? I just think there's a bigger picture.

Oh, and no, I don't have DDs I have DCs and if the committed rape I'd cut their dicks off myself

NoLoveofMine · 07/05/2017 00:03

it is a mistake to rape

This was a mistake? www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/apr/28/man-who-raped-stranger-hours-before-his-wedding-given-life-term

janesmom · 07/05/2017 00:04

And maybe if rapists who had served their time were all outcast, there would actually be more repeat offenses and, you've guessed it, more victims.

For once I may sound vaguely liberal, but there may be a reason the vast majority of the -non- -crazy- population agree with wiping records after the offence has expired.

Italiangreyhound · 07/05/2017 00:04

Why do we need to be polite to someone because the have served their time?

NoLoveofMine · 07/05/2017 00:05

Rape ruins lives. You do not get over rape. The life it ruins is the victim's. Oh, and, just in case any internalised misogynists are reading, it ruin's boys' lives too: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-22795154

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 07/05/2017 00:05

Mistake = wrong

Found out someone I'm due to 'work' with tomorrow has a rape conviction
Italiangreyhound · 07/05/2017 00:05

"agree with wiping records after the offence has expired."

Why, who does that serve?

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2017 00:05

If only everyone refused to work with rapists then maybe, just maybe, rape would actually be a frowned upon crime

Confused I'm not in any way condoning the act of rape. It's an awful crime and much more should be done to get conviction rates up and support victims.

I don't think it's unreasonable not to refuse to work with someone who has legally been punished for their crime. No one is saying befriend this guy and be lovely to him, just to be professional.

GreatFuckability · 07/05/2017 00:06

Sorry but I am so upset that you would call being angry about this "getting hysterical" which is in itself a sexist term. Not all victims/survivors feel the same as you

And I resent the implication that people are 'vile' and 'i hope you don't have daughters' is a decent way to speak to people who have different opinions.
We don't even know where the OP got her information from. I think going off the deep end about this man without the full story IS hysterical. You can disagree with the choice of words, but thats pure semantics. It's reactionary and actually isn't helpful to people who have been raped. in my opinion, of course. which I am entitled to without the insinuation that my daughters are somehow at risk because I refuse to assume the worst about everyone.