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Original poster

Found out someone I'm due to 'work' with tomorrow has a rape conviction

248 replies

UrsulaPandress · 06/05/2017 22:47

I am scheduled to help out at an event tomorrow and I found out today that one of the organisers was jailed for rape a few years ago.

I am so not sure how to react. I don't know him well, but he has pissed me off on the odd occasion I have met him so I was not looking forward to spending the day with him, but this revelation has left me reeling.

I am not aware that I have ever met a bona fide offender before so I am searching my soul to see if I believe that someone should be presumed to have served their sentence and allowed to get on with their life. Or should I spit in his coffee every opportunity I get?

OP posts:
SheSaidNoFuckThat · 06/05/2017 23:23

Do you know the full facts? Do you know anything other than that he was convicted? Things aren't always black and white, maybe see what you can find out.

To be clear I am NOT condoning rape, but before we lynch the guy without knowing a thing about it, just think rationally.

And regardless of whether it's a volunteering role, you still need to act professionally

MammaTJ · 06/05/2017 23:23

My God Daughter, then aged 10, was touched up by an old man who lives near me on a bus. It ended up being her word against his, so nothing was done, but fuck politeness. When he started trying to talk to my then 3 year old DD, I told him straight 'You do not talk to her, I do not want her to think you are alright, you are so far from alright, you are all kinds of wrong. Don't even look at my children'. To this day he turns away when he sees them. DD is 11 now, so in his target age.

I think when it comes to keeping you and yours safe manners do not count! Avoid him if you can but if at any point he asks why, then tell him! If he asks in public, tell him in public, that was his decision!

Gabilan · 06/05/2017 23:25

I would not knowingly associate with a rapist. They're worse than pond scum

But unknowingly you will have done with some frequency. Think about the number of women who have been raped. Then think about the number of men who have actually served any time at all for this. Terrifyingly, rapists are nearer than you think, all the time.

Go with your gut instinct OP. Avoid as much as possible.

janesmom · 06/05/2017 23:26

I certainly wouldn't befriend him and would probably keep my distance.

That said, if he has done his time, he has as much right to be there as anyone. I certainly would not create a fuss without very good reason - to do so would only reflect badly on you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/05/2017 23:30

Unless theyre inhumanely castrated and spending their lives in prison, and not this 15 years nonsense. I mean until the day they die. A rapist will never do their time, . Would you want this filth near your daughter. Jane.
I highly doubt it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/05/2017 23:31

Mamma. That's awful. The dirty beast.
We believe your dd. Flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/05/2017 23:33

Reflect badly on her, Why. because. She doesn't want to work with a rapist.Hmm

someonestolemynick · 06/05/2017 23:33

Do you want to do this event or are you doing organisers a favour?

If you're lukewarm about this event - take The excuse.
But if it's something you want to do: go, be professional and polite. You don't have to become best friends.

FrancisCrawford · 06/05/2017 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

questsabelletreetop · 06/05/2017 23:37

How did you find out about this conviction OP?

If it's not something you really want to do I wouldn't goFlowers

Graphista · 06/05/2017 23:39

In your position I would withdraw my offer of help and say why.

Personally I believe all rapists should serve full life term sentences. They don't change.

In addition the fact that he was convicted and served a custodial sentence indicated it was likely a 'clear' case of rape (ie no ambiguity) and quite possibly a violent rape when you consider what we know and is often discussed on mn in terms of how few rape cases even reach court and only a few of them obtain convictions and not all of them result in a custodial sentence.

scottishdiem · 06/05/2017 23:40

Given that stats of unreported rape, unsuccessful police investigations and unsuccessful prosecutions the sad fact is we all work, live and play in the company of a rapist (or more than one). Does the fact that there is a conviction and punishment in this case change anything much? If you dont want to be in the vicinity of a known rapist then fair enough, dont go.

RebelRogue · 06/05/2017 23:42

If you can bow out of it I would. If you can't I'd keep my distance. I wouldn't be able to be "polite,professional or whatever other shit" to a rapist.

GreatFuckability · 06/05/2017 23:42

What about peoples safety at this event. I hope to God there are not any children going to be there

You know that a rapist isn't the same as a paedophile, right?
you sound quite hysterical.

OP, I would be sure to keep yourself physically safe, but otherwise, just get on with your job. Or if you really don't want to go, don't.

Syc4moreTrees · 06/05/2017 23:43

Where has the information come from?

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 06/05/2017 23:44

No you don't "accidentally" rape someone - but rape charges are not black and white, same goes for a lot of charges.

I'm all for rapists being charged, far too many aren't, but personally I'd want to know the facts.

How old is this person? How long ago was it? Could it have been 2 under age teens consenting and then he got charged? Facts are important.

And yes, he could be guilty as sin, that doesn't mean he's going to pounce on you. Some people do learn from their mistakes.

At the end of the day do what you want, don't put yourself alone with him - whatever you need to do to make yourself comfortable.

BlueChairs · 06/05/2017 23:44

It's difficult because yes he has served his time. I would say if you feel vulnerable don't do it - god forbid you were unlucky. But if you feel you will be safe I would say min contact possible and be civil but not friendly when you have to interact - think ice cold politeness. Do not go if you do not feel safe.

MammaTJ · 06/05/2017 23:44

Awwlookatmybabyspider, thank you, but is wa my God Daughter he touched, not my DD, I certainly took the 'Ibelieve you' approach, and she was so scared every time she saw him, that was not hard.

He just looked at my little, pre-school DD then, as a man looks at a page three girl! Not on!!

I also told my DC and others I could that they should not go near him. I was told he beckoned young children into his bungalow. They all knew not to go to him though!

RebelRogue · 06/05/2017 23:48

Shesaid men literally got off scot free using the "i slipped and fell into her" excuse but you believe an Underage teen having consensual sex will be convicted for rape?

RebelRogue · 06/05/2017 23:49

P.s. Rape is not a "mistake".

RestlessTraveller · 06/05/2017 23:50

The way I see it you have the following options.

  1. Pull out of the event
  2. Go to the event and be civil and professsional, I used to recruit volunteers and despite them not being paid I still expect them to act professionally.
  3. Go villigante and let him and everyone else know exactly why you don't want to be there.

I'd go for 2, but I work with perpetrators. I'd urge you to go for 1 or 2.
3 just makes you look bad.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:50

I agree with smh. Just act as you would have done before.

Really? With a convicted rapist?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/05/2017 23:50

I've gone absolutely ice cold mamma, at not only the thought of someone doing such a sick.perverted thing, but. Also the fact that he's still walking the streets.

NoLoveofMine · 06/05/2017 23:50

So apparently being accused of rape ruins poor men's lives (it doesn't) yet even being convicted of rape we have to pretend we're ok with it. He could be another Derry McCann.