Ohfuckohfuckohfuuuuuuck

[SmileEachDay]

One of those massive, massive bastarding black house spiders has moved in to the top corner of my living room.

What the fuck do I do? I can't hoover it because it might...I can't even say it....but fall...you know? I can't just leave it because it gives me THE HORRORS.

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Please don't kill her. Ask a hunky neighbour to come and remove her. She can't help being born a spiddie!

Asmoto

NO! the horror!!

I hate to stomp on the 'shut the door' idea, but spiders can usually go under doors....

Gently coax it to the floor with a broom handle (no squashing!) and put a pint glass over it until you're either brace enough to move it or someone else comes to do it for you!

In all seriousne, if you can bear to get close to it, pint glass over it, very stiff card under it, then take the whole thing outside but near a shed or other property it can get back into, then run like hell and come back for the glass later.

I'm not saying I'd be brave enough to do this if it really big, mind. Just that it works if you're not a big scaredey cat like me.

Brave*

OP I feel sick on your behalf. We know how irrational it is but we just can't help it. I never want them killed, just someone to kindly remove it for me. Horrible bloody phobia. No help, but good luck.

Go on the Dark Web and find a spider hitman/woman/person

I've got a sudden urge to watch Arachnophobia.

PLEASE DONT KILL IT

God I HATE these threads I just want to find the poor spider and save it from all these fucking horrible ways to destroy it's little life.

Thank you everyone suggesting humane ways to move it! Losing my faith in humanity listening to the rest of you.

They do eventually go away.

Its generally a house spider so lives there (and eats other nasties).

They won't harm you so don't Hoover them up.

I had a nightmare once when at parents holiday home in countryside, just before I was going to sleep I saw a huge black house spider above my bed ready to drop (I was just about to go sleep), yes I screamed but didn't kill it...

Spray with hair spray so it curls into an immobilised sticky ball, then squash with one of DHs shoes then Hoover the evidence!

Katchabug extendable spider catcher is your answer OP.

What the fuck do I do?
Have therapy to address your phobia perhaps?
Get a friend or neighbour to come and put it outside for you?
Buy a spider catcher thingie so you're prepared if it happens again?

I feel cheated - I opened this thread expecting catastrophe and found instead an incy wincy spider

I applaud the good work done by the evil be-legged minions of Satan on the fly population control. Right up to the point they chose to do it in my home or garden or garage or shed. Then they are going to get Havianned.

Have you ever wondered why these so called do-gooders need to be so fucking ugly. Why do they need 8 legs, when they have fly catching cinched with the web thing. Why the 8 eyes??? And why the scuttle at warp speed.

Fuckers, that's all done purposely to terrify people.

Buy a pig to keep it company.

Arachnophobia is a serious psychological condition so do people say 'woman up' about other forms of MH?

How fucking ridiculous

Its a spider FFS .

I'm not going to kill it.

I'm vegetarian. I don't do cruelty to animals.

unlike the spider, given that I'm an animal

Apple can you honestly do that?

Those spider catcher thingies pp have mentioned: are they good? And don't harm the spider?

Leave the house for a couple of hours and then return. It'll have gone. You won't know where, but you just have to not think about it. Sorry.

Don't kill it :(

It's in the corner by the ceiling. The pint glass thing won't work.

I have to go out. Then I'm fucked, because either it will still be there, which is bad or it won't, which is worse...

The rational, life-loving live and let live, fly control, size ratio part of my brain says "it's just a spider"

It is totally overwhelmed by a surge of utter gut-gripping terror.

I cannot even look at pictures. I'm a Celebrity is banned. I will never visit Austrailia. I have fled from those kids bug parties.

I am too scared to have treatment as I will inevitably have too look at or touch a spider at some point.

You can laugh and tell me to woman up all you like. If that thing were in my living room, I wouldn't be.

Another one for LTB