Police Harassment

[Morgani97]

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

Op you say that the police didn't know his name when they came, I'm wondering (gently) if your dd has said something at school which has triggered a safeguarding procedure?
Hoping you and dd are safe and well. I'm sorry if I doubted you earlier.
Remember-DC always before dp.

TheGentleMoose

But people are concerned that the OP is minimising what 'cross words' actually were.

Schools have no control over the police. The police would have returned your child to school as they thought she was safe there and not at home.

If you know everything about his past then going down the route of Clare law will be fine as there is nothing else to find out and a caring partner would understand why you would need to do this to check your child is safe. Obviously the police won't tell your dp that you have been to see them.

The bullying issue and school problems are something that needs to be sorted but have nothing to do the police and Clare law.

Agree with previous posters, I don't think this has anything to do with the bullying at all, it has something to do with serious concerns about your partner and your and DD's safety, I suspect that there is a lot that you aren't currently aware of, please do the responsible thing if only for your DD and go to the police and actually listen to what they are telling you, I really don't think the police overreact and make things up

dd is my top of my list

Clearly not. Your kid is self harming, in trouble at school, you move in some new random ex-con and when the police and the school and everyone tries to help you and your child you come on here to complain about police harrassment and authorities being mean to you??

The mind boggles. I hope this is stupid trollery but if not, god help your kid. Because you certainly aren't.

I'd listen to what the police are desperately trying to tell you... without actually telling you (they can't disclose without proper reason, but they're obviously concerned).

My daughter's ex-boyfriend spiked her drink one night, and she ended up in an awful state. He also stole her wallet... although at the time, we didn't know that it was him. She duly reported it to the police, told them the name/town the ex-boyfriend lived in, got a visit to take a statement as she'd reported that she thought she'd had her drink spiked in a popular pup for the town's students. She told the police officer who turned out that I was biased towards the ex-boyfriend because I was blaming him for her having been drugged (maternal intution, I think)... and the officer looked at me, looked at her and said:- "You need to listen to your mother."

We don't know what had gone on regarding the ex-boyfriend and drugs (although I suspect he was dealing), but the police obviously knew something.

Her current "boyfriend" is also known to the police. Again, we don't know why... but I can guess. They've also warned her off him. She refuses to listen.

Please don't be like my daughter. Especially as you have a daughter of your own. Something about your partner's past is unknown to you but known to the police... and unless you want Children's Services involved and your daughter removed from your care (worst case scenario), you'd best start listening to what they're subtly, desperately trying to tell you.

Thank you for all your replies i have taken on board everything that has been said. I need to point out that when they first came to my home the police officer that attended was at the school on a different matter before coming here and they were not in a police car, this was told to me by the school. My partner wasn"t cautioned at any time.

You do not serve 4 years (probably halved as usual so an 8 year sentence?) for assaulting a police officer. Unless it was a massively serious form of assault. Added to two occasions of domestic abuse for which he wasn't convicted? He's lying to you. Massively.
Lying about previous convictions, minimising his own abusive behaviours are massive red flags on their own, more so when the police are making disclosures to you.

If police are approaching you about Clare's Law, it's bloody serious and you need to pay attention. They don't do this for the hell of it, usually someone has to apply and a disclosure can take up to 35 days. Your DD is still young, and sometimes SS can turn the spotlight on you if you're seen to be failing to protect your child from domestic abuse.

For all this to happen means they very much believe he is dangerous and a threat to you and/or DD.

Wake up and smell the roses ffs.

Clare's Law = huge flaming red flag! Burningly so. There are few like it.

How do you feel about things given what everyone's said?

That or a child protection officer blue sky i think.

Right I just want to address this part, and I'm happy to be corrected.

I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school

From my understanding. They can't remove a child without the presence of police. I know when it happened to the woman we knew of, slightly different as SWs had been involved for ages, that when they turned up to remove the children, the police were there too. A teacher cant just drag her by her earholes back to school. So in my opinion, they were there to ensure your child was taken back to school legally, regardless of the bullying, she was still in essence playing truant in their eyes as it was an unauthorised absence, whether you let them know or not is besides the point, if they deem it not a good enough reason it's unauthorised. I do understand OP, my DD went through hell at her last school but there are ways of going about it, and you need to be seen to being compliant at every turn.

You say your DD is your main priority and rightly so. You need to entertain the idea that your partner is more than likely telling porkies, regardless of how lovely he is to you. An ex boyfriend of mine many years ago was an absolute angel to me when we first met for months, he still ended up assaulting me. Listen to what the police have to say and don't go in there all defensive, comply with anything they request, it will more than likely raise further suspicions and other agencies could get involved.

Morgani97
Wake up.
4 years in prison for a crime against a child.
Wake up.

And??? Just because he wasn't Cautioned means nothing!!

My ex - DD's Dad - abused her. He only got a bloody Caution! Tried to tell his new girlfriend who is s children's nurse and could lose her job and it turns out she is completely brainwashed! He has CONVINCED her that it's bullshit and he didn't do anything. That he was given a Caution because there was no evidence(?!!!!)

That's it. She won't hear of it anymore!! Despite Police trying to tell her. I have even sent her a disc with a recording of him ADMITTING HE DID IT!!!! But nope! Still believes him....

Her responses sound EXACTLY like yours.............

@LedaP I do understand what you are saying, but I can think of other reasons the police would attend in this instance which do not involve the partner's past history.

Wether its to do with the partners history or not doesnt matter. Either way it seems the dd is at risk.

Its possible that an ex partner of the dp has heard he is shacked up with op and called the school out of concern. Its possible the dd said something at school. Its possible someone saw him a parents evening and requested clares law because they know his past (better than the OP).

Or there could be something that the OP isnt disclosing. That even before they found out about this man, there were enough concerns to send a police officer round. From the ops story she called the school and said she wasnt attending. Police would not attend for that.

Either its to with his past the police were there because someone already had huge concerns about him. Or there are already huge concerns about the dd.

Either way people are concerned about dd. Because of him, or his presence has added to that concern.

Fact is the OP now knows he is a possible danger and needs to do something. And its not accusing the police of harrasment.

I need to point out that when they first came to my home the police officer that attended was at the school on a different matter before coming here and they were not in a police car, this was told to me by the school.

They dont need to be. As I said. The teacher would have asked them to help them get a child back in school the legal way. Education is a legal requirement and she wasn't there without goof reason, in the eyes of the law that is, I am not saying bullying isn't a good reason.

Morgan, as another poster already said, the police are not harassing you.

Please try and see it in a different way. The most important thing in your life is your daughter.

You are obviously worried about her because of the self harm and the bullying.

School are worried about it too. The school and the police are trying their best to look after your daughter. She is more vulnerable than an average child at the moment and they have recognised this.

They were worried about her enough to have the police check she is ok and take her back to school and to talk to you about your partner and Clare's law.

Please try to understand that the police are on your side, what you see as harassment is actually that they care about your daughter.

Please also be aware that if you leave her with this man again it will (as already mentioned) become social services "harassing" you.

My advice to you is if you don't want social services involved then go to the police and make the Clare's law application. You say your partner already told you, so it doesn't matter if you do or not.

When you get it you can check that the dates and so on match what he told you. If it matches what he has said and it's all in the past then at least he has been honest with you.

If it doesn't match up, then you will at least know about it.

Meanwhile if you can build a good relationship with one of the police women, maybe they can help you get the bullying sorted out.

Please remember the police are here to help your daughter. Work with them and things will get better for her.

If you don't jump and do backflips whenever Police ask you to from now on OP, you WILL lose your DD. I'm 100% on that just from what you have said so far.

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gani97 Sat 06-May-17 10:04:23
"I do know that he spent time in jail for the crime he committed but surely it shouldnt follow him for the rest of his life"

Remember that he has almost certainly lied to you about the seriousness of his offence. Remember that he is almost certainly lying to you now. That is not a past action: it is happening now.

From my understanding. They can't remove a child without the presence of police.
They can with consent. So we can go to an address and bring the child into school, but we don't have the power to force them. Police can obviously use police protection but that would only be if the child was at risk of immediate harm.

There could be lots of reasons the police went to get her back to school. Perhaps the school were worried she was going to hurt herself given she has been self harming.

Another voice adding to those saying there is more to this than harassment.
Has your DP stated that he thinks the police are harassing him because of his past and he deserves a chance? Because that would be a red flag to me if he's influencing your mindset.

A decent partner who felt they could be affecting the outcomes for a woman he loved and her child would suggest they move out and allow it to be sorted properly.

@NotYoda - yes, I totally get it may be minimising, which is why I said to think of examples to discuss with the police [in all relationships], however, it's also a sign in a totally healthy relationship. It is important to point that out so the OP doesn't feel like she must not raise it. It needs to be discussed.

@LedaP - there are a heap of possibilities, yes. The fact school may have been concerned the OP had left a self-harming and distressed teenager at home alone for the day was actually the first thought I had as to why the police where there.

If you've read my previous posts you will see what I think the OP needs to do. I'm glad she has taken some of it onboard.

@NotYoda - yes, I totally get it may be minimising, which is why I said to think of examples to discuss with the police [in all relationships], however, it's also a sign in a totally healthy relationship. It is important to point that out so the OP doesn't feel like she must not raise it. It needs to be discussed.

@LedaP - there are a heap of possibilities, yes. The fact school may have been concerned the OP had left a self-harming and distressed teenager at home alone for the day was actually the first thought I had as to why the police where there.

If you've read my previous posts you will see what I think the OP needs to do. I'm glad she has taken some of it onboard.

4 years? Which means that's probably been halved - so 8 years.

OP, you need to heed peoples advice on here. Many MNers are officers and lawyers etc and do this job for a living, and to quote a famous judge Rinder, "can smell a lie like a fart in a lift".

You also need to comply with and listen to the police. I'm interested in what makes you think it is police harassment. Did your partner tell you its police harassment because of something he did years ago? Because that just screams narcissistic flags to me.

Many grown ups have committed crimes in the past, whether it be losing their temper, a driving offence, stealing etc. The police have still left them well alone since. The fact the police are trying to sensibly tell you about Clares law tells me they have very good reason to not leave him alone!

I'd be worried what has triggered an 8 year sentence. I have no useful advice but I'd listen to PP's who know what they are talking about.