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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 06/05/2017 11:05

OP. Make the Clare's Law application. Then you can see for yourself it definitely wasn't 'twatting a police officer' that landed your 'kind and tolerant' DP 4 years at Her Majesty's Pleasure.

WomblingThree · 06/05/2017 11:06

It always comes down to cock being more important than kids to some people doesn't it.

It must do wonders for your daughter's self esteem that some random shag is more important than she ever will be.

whattheactualfudge · 06/05/2017 11:07

Ok this is what I think has happened:

Someone informed the school that this man has history/is dangerous etc.

DD doesn't turn up at school.

School get worried. Call police.

Police know who man is. Have enough concern to arrange with teacher to turn up at property with intention of going inside to chat to OP whilst teacher takes child to school to keep her away from the conversation they expected to happen.

However, OP refused to listen. Police go back to police station and immediately make serious, damning referral to SS

FINGERS CROSS I AM VERY VERY WRONG!!

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 06/05/2017 11:07

OP, without outing myself; i moved to another County 10 years ago. A while after arriving, I saw a man here from my old home town, walking down the street with a young woman, carrying a child while the woman pushed a pram. I know he went to prison for abusing a 10 year old girl in our shared home town. It was in the news a lot of years ago.
I reported seeing him with young children to the Police, they just said thank you for the information and that was that.
Fast forward around three months, and I read in my local paper here that he'd been prosecuted for breaking parole conditions not to have contact with minors.
She found out about his past from the Police after he'd already babysat her children.
The CPS had moved him 200 miles away, and that actually helped him stay under the radar Angry

Predators lie. They have to. The Police wouldn't have visited you to share concerns without damn good reason.

Good luck OP, to you and your vulnerable DD.

SemiNormal · 06/05/2017 11:08

I can't type what I want to say without getting cross as this thread is very upsetting.

I do want to say thank you to the police who have informed OP, thank you to the police officers who have posted on here to clarify some points and thank you to any police officers who may or may not be reading this who deal with domestic abuse situations far too often.Flowers

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 11:08

Elegantly put, wombling. Hmm

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 06/05/2017 11:08

Don't charges come up under Clare's Law anyway? From my understanding (happy to be corrected!) if someone is charged with a domestic-related offence but not convicted, it's down to police discretion whether to disclose that or not?

niknok69 · 06/05/2017 11:10

I feel quite sick reading this and your absolute ignorance to what is happening. I'm sure I'm not the only one wanting to come a grab your child into safety before something awful happens.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 11:10

It always comes down to cock being more important than kids to some people doesn't it.

Have you missed all of the posts where the OP has said she is going to go and have a meeting with the police? The OP may have been totally unaware until his thread that his past concerned anything other than assaulting a police officer. That is unfortunately the nature of the beast that is abuse.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 11:11

"The aim of this scheme is to give members of the public a formal
mechanism to make enquires about an individual who they are in a
relationship with or who is in a relationship with someone they
know, and there is a concern that the individual may be abusive
towards their partner.
If police checks show that the individual has a record of abusive
offences, or there is other information to indicate the person you
know is at risk, the police will consider sharing this information with
the person(s) best placed to protect the potential victim.
Your local police force will discuss your concerns with you
and decide whether it is appropriate for you to be given more
information to help protect the person who is in the relationship
with the individual you are concerned about.
The scheme aims to enable potential victims to make an informed
choice on whether to continue the relationship, and provides help
and support to assist the potential victim when making that
informed choice."

From: www.gmp.police.uk/content/WebAttachments/88A190F67550078780257A71002E5DC8/$File/claire's%20law%20other%20people%20booklet.pdf

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 11:12

It seems you're fixating on irrelevant side-issues, OP.
It doesn't matter whether the police arrived in a marked car. It doesn't matter that they didn't caution your boyfriend. The bullying at school, whilst important, is not what this is about. Nor is the race of the bullies. The self-harm may or may not be linked.

PLEASE listen and take action about what's going on here. Yes, ask for further information about his past (from the police, not from him. He'll continue to lie through his teeth), but why not cut out the middleman and end the relationship now. Take steps to protect yourself whilst you do so, though. Please.

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 11:13

The OP may have been totally unaware until his thread that his past concerned anything other than assaulting a police officer

Nope, she knew about but was dismissive of his "domestics".

Dawnedlightly · 06/05/2017 11:14

I hope you're ok OP.
Just to reiterate-
The police are not harassing you, they're warning you that your partner is dangerous

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 11:16

@user1493022461 I can see no mention of previous allegations of domestic violence associated with her DP in her first post. It may have only come out during this thread.

Either way, I suspect you want to continue putting down and insulting a mnetter who is asking for advice on a really difficult subject. Nastiness towards the OP is not needed here. She has said multiple times she will engage with the police since that was offered as a suggestion in this thread.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 06/05/2017 11:17

Seminormal ironically it was a police officer that convinced me to leave an abusive relationship.

It got volatile very quickly and every one who was anyone told me to leave him, I didn't listen. I rang the police after one incident, dont know the mans name or anything. But I remember exactly where I was. I was sat on the stairs. His partner was telling X that he had to leave now, he came and sat on the stairs with me and asked me if I didn't think it was about time I called it a day. For some reason, he made me see something several others had failed to do and I never did go back to that man.

I now have a son and daughter, I'm a single parent and yeah it's a struggle but I'm proud that I'm teaching my daughter never to accept anything less. Like I so often did with my relationship choices. I didn't have anyone to guide me properly but at least I can try and steer DD in the right direction.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 06/05/2017 11:19

Nope, she knew about but was dismissive of his "domestics"

Alot of people are, abusers often give "so" much information to make their version of events sound perfectly reasonable, for example - "I was charged with assaulting my ex, I did hit her but only after she hit me. And then she rang the police on me!"

Whilst it's entirely possible that the OP is simply not bothered and dismissive of his prior 'domestics', it's also entirely possible that the boyfriend has minimised his own actions in regards to his previous crimes.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 11:20

I need to point out that when they first came to my home the police officer that attended was at the school on a different matter before coming here and they were not in a police car,

So the police were at school for something unrelated? A child doesnt turn up, their mum calls in. The police officer doesnt have anything else to do so decides to go a bring your dd to school.

If its the self harming that worried them. Maybe the Op should be thinking the same. That its not a good idea to leave a self harming teenager alone or with a man with a criminal conviction/ accusations of DV that she hardly knows.

I believe the OP thinks she puts df first. But she doesnt. I think the school and police know it too.

I really hope the OP sorts herself out.

prh47bridge · 06/05/2017 11:20

The offence of assault on a police constable in the execution of his duty carries a maximum sentence of 6 months. Even if there was intent to resist arrest the maximum is still only 2 years and judges almost never go beyond 51 weeks. If he was imprisoned for 4 years it was definitely not simply for assaulting a police officer. A 4 year sentence for single offence of assault means it was GBH or GBH with intent. And, as others have said, the police would not be talking about Clare's Law if the offence was assaulting a police officer (unless the police officer was his wife/partner and he assaulted her in a domestic situation). The fact they are removing your daughter from his care and talking about Clare's Law without you making an application strongly suggests his sentence was related to domestic violence.

I agree with others on this thread. You do not know all about your partner's past. He has lied to you. Even without the police involvement, what he has told you is untrue. You need to find out the truth and work with the authorities.

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 11:21

I can see no mention of previous allegations of domestic violence associated with her DP in her first post. It may have only come out during this thread

You do actually have to read the thread, especially if you are going to tell others how they have it wrong. Hmm

In any case, OP says in her other threads that at the end of Feb she had only just met him (andn had issues with him already), and by May he's going to her kids parents evening and she's defending him from the mean bullying police.
If any of this is for real there is no hope in this situation. I hope its not real because that poor child if it is....

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 11:24

@user1493022461 I have read the thread. You don't seem to understand that it may not have been the OP being dismissive but the abuser. Stop laying the blame at her feet.

She has stated she is going to engage with the police and have a meeting.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 06/05/2017 11:24

OP, when you have a moment read this, also maybe those posters who think there's no concerns about DV should give it a skim read too.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11369454/Clares-Law-Find-out-if-your-partner-has-a-history-of-abuse.html

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 11:25

There is plenty of blame at her feet. Stop assuming that she is the victim of anything, especially when she has said she isn't.

It's offensive to actual victims. Hmm

LedaP · 06/05/2017 11:26

moose she is to blame for leaving her dd with someone she doesnt know. Someone who has violent convictions.

Someone she has known matter of months.

Even without the convictions and dv allegations....you dont do that.

ChuddaBum · 06/05/2017 11:28

How long does it take to receive the information back after making an application under Clare's law?

24 hours if there are immediate safeguarding concerns (which if the police have gone to her basically advising her to make an application the I would assume there is)

But otherwise up to 35 days.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 11:28

@user1493022461 I have not used the word "victim" in any of my posts apart from a direct quote from a Clare's Law information pack to answer the queries raised by other posters.