To be a bit upset by this remark?

[PamelaFlitton31]

In a restaurant with my boyfriend of 3 months (I'm late 40s, he's mid 50s - bf seems wrong but don't know what else to call him).

He says 'look at that woman behind you, she's the prettiest woman I've seen for a long time.'

(I did look, and actually didn't think the woman was that pretty...but that's not the point).

I was really hurt by this. I'm not the most secure person and all I heard was, 'she's much prettier than you'.

That might be absolutely true but why say it?

He knows I'm going to post here about it (and I'm not going to LTB) but would anyone else find this comment in any way upsetting? Or AIB completely U?!

You genuinely don't understand, do you
I do because in my first reply on this thread I said that me and DH don't say it out loud all the time. Just that if it was said it wouldn't bother me.

I've also said that it was very insensitive for him to say it so many times that I'm actually getting bored of dealing with being told I don't get it.

I still stand by my view that one insensitive comment does not a dickhead make. But then I've said that countless times on this thread. You know, whilst people have been saying that one mean comment must be a sign of abuse or negging.

But hey. It's fine because according to a subgroup of mumsnet posters nobody says one mean thing, it must be emotionally abuse, people are never just arseholes they have to be narcissists people are never down in the dumps they have to be depressed, nobody has arguments that can be resolved you always have to LTB or raise the bar. Anyone who says anything to the contrary is clearly condoning it and doesn't get it.

I don't think it was one insensitive comment; it was a very calculated thing. Turn around, look at her, she's the prettiest I've seen for a long time.

On what planet would anyone think this is a normal thing to do? It is negging of the highest order.

You sound like a bit of a minimiser Maisy. Maybe you set the bar a bit low? I am no stunner but DH seems to genuinely think I am. I think love is a little bit blind.

Maisy - you are showing a spectacular lack of understanding and empathy here. Are you very young /inexperienced in relationships?

Yanbu, he was being a dick.

What was his motivation for saying something like that to his girlfriend other than to bring her down a peg or two?

Very odd behaviour imo and rude.

It would seriously put me off someone so dense.

And honestly at three months, you shouldn't be having big chats about areas of concern in your relationship. At three months, if it's not fabulous then bin it.

Get rid of him for goodness sake.

The fact you have felt hurt by his comment, enough to post a thread on here is a clear indication that what he did was very cruel and unkind. 3 months in, he will be showing you his best side...so what others delights does he have in store a year from now?

My dad used to say things like this all the time, no wonder my mum left him.

It alerts me a bit that he used the discussion about this very hurtful and disrespectful comment to air his insecurities.

I bet this involved you reassuring him and boosting his ego about his insecurities.

To me this could be the start of him eroding your confidence, little by little. Not a problem for him to think it, awful for him to say it out loud!
Does he do or say anything else Op?
I wouldn't LTB for one comment as he may just have engaged mouth before brain, but it would be a warning to me to look out for other stuff.
If you have further concerns I think I'd have to finish it.