AIBU... Overlooked.

[JustAPlasticBag]

Genuine question, feel free to berate me but mostly I just want to have a bit of a moan and a rant really

My friends DC's birthday is the day before mine. This usually means that I spend most of the 2/3 months leading up helping her book the party, shopping for presents, decorations, helping find a cake maker, helping organise said party with food etc (as she does for my DS birthday)...

... and my birthday the next day is totally forgotten. I get a text from her, but she's still preoccupied with her DC' Birthday aftermath and is usually subsequently skint to do anything like go out for my birthday, or too worn out and exhausted to do anything for it. Our mutual friends (there are 5 in our 'friend group' 3 of us which have kids) also go all out for all of our DC's birthdays, but mine is the only one to fall so close after one of our DC, so they're all usually skint or just busy again after helping her plan. On my birthday I get cards, a nice present from them all and a promise of a wine night at one of their houses on the weekend two weeks after it.

Of course I don't begrudge my friends DC having an amazing birthday and I genuinely love helping plan and organise it and seeing his face when he opens his presents (he calls me aunty and we are extremely close and I absolutely adore him) and we all do the same for each other's DC so it's not an issue with that at all.

But I made a small suggestion tonight well in advance (my birthday is months and months away!) that maybe we could all go out the weekend of my birthday (it falls on a Saturday) and put some money aside for it in preparation to do something. This was immediately shot down by this particular friend who's DC's birthday is before mine and once again replaced with the 'night in two weeks after when everything's calmed down' suggestion. I commented that it hurt my feelings a little that we couldn't at least do something but I was out-voted and in the end everyone nodded in agreement with the suggestion made and we swiftly moved back to talk about the other friends DD's birthday that's next week.

For some reason this time it's really made me feel down. (It's a big 'milestone' this year so maybe that's why I'm just feeling off out of the 6-7 years this has been happening...) my friends birthdays are well away from the other DC's (two share the same month and the other two are also quite close together) so we always go out for their birthdays (mostly joint birthdays) and we always celebrate big and I never begrudge them of it. In fact I'm usually the organiser (for kids birthdays and friends alike.)

I'm not asking for a huge event or parade - just something. AIBU and selfish to want to celebrate my birthday for once? The only people who seem genuinely excited for it are my work colleagues and although I'll have a blast celebrating with them, it just hurts to think my friends won't be there and that I'm always the forgotten birthday...

I need to know how elaborate this child's party is that it requires weeks and weeks worth of planning then weeks of recovery. Phone the venue, book the party, organize food/entertainment (if not already included), hire a cake maker (or just buy a cake from the supermarket) and send out the invites and the jobs a good one ... an hour or two required at most.

My DD's birthday isn't for another couple of months, in July ... when there are 15 other family birthdays, including my own. If anyone in the family tried to monopolise the next couple of months and the entire month they'd get slapped down pretty damn quick because there's plenty more of us to "outvote" their extravagance!

All the kids get their own birthday party for their friends organised by their parents to whatever timetable works for them and we still manage to fit in "party teas" for all the family ... even if it's literally that Johnny's birthday is Friday so family pops round at some point on Friday to have a cup of tea, a cupcake and drop a present off, then on Saturday it's Sophie's birthday so we drop round in the morning for a cup of tea and cake and to drop off a present before both she and Johnny have their friend parties that afternoon.

Admittedly the adults' birthdays do tend to get less fuss, but that's because in the bustle of all the kids birthdays us adults tend to have smaller events - meals out, going to a show/movie with friends etc -
that are less family based and tend to be evening events and they tend to be less about the presents and the big party and more just acknowledging the birthday... but if someone has a milestone birthday and wants to have a big bash, then we all pitch in to make sure they have a great day.

Thing is, for a party that takes 3 months to plan and apparently 2 weeks to recover from, I'd want one hell of a party. I'd want to remember it for years. Or not remember it at all and wonder why I woke up 200 miles from home on a sea of champagne bottles.

Does anyone actually enjoy these parties OP? Or are they meant to be exhausting and flag up the fact that important people are being celebrated.

Stop organising everything. Why can't they get off their arses and organise things themselves? I've never organised anyone else's birthday preparations. Sounds like they're too lazy to do it themselves and just think, "Oh, Plastic will sort it, I don't need to". Not sure why you need to be helping with shopping for presents for someone else's child either? Isn't that a parents job?

How about sorting something with your work colleagues that's really fun and something you will all enjoy, as they sound really keen. Make sure you tell your friends all about it. Then stick with the 'wine night in' for the others. They might start wondering why you had such a blast with your colleagues when all they get is some vino and snacks. If they're not willing to put the effort in for you, don't do it for them.

You shouldn't be helping parents organise their child's birthday.

Parents shouldn't need help with task unless there is something else going on or they are ill?

Forget everything else,and think about what you want for your own birthday. Do that.

You all need to get a grip and stop being so precious....

Well then, I am precious too! Mine is some days after Christmas. Very few people remember it. I want , no , demand to be princess for the day! I am thinking of changing it to a day in August.

Wow... I didn't expect this many replies. Thank you everyone!

Is this child the next Messiah? The Golden Child?

ifeelcraptonight - choked on my cup of coffee reading this... You pretty much hit the nail on the head on how this particular DC is treated by his DM, but that's beside the point (and a whooole other post). He's very spoilt let's put it that way!!

Can I ask what type of birthday event it is for a child that takes 2-3 months for several friends and child's parents to organise?

Heathcliffitsme - For this particular DC she normally books a holiday abroad for our friend circle (she pays for accommodation we pay for our own flights with DC). This is usually planned two weeks before his actual birthday, then there's his birthday meal (close friends and family), his birthday trip to the cinema with those of us who have kids to bring (again close friends) and a big blow up party for his school friends (with entertainment / events). It's a pretty big deal, let me tell you... It's a running joke that his 16th will be on that MTV show 'Sweet 16'. But she has the money to do it so shrug

The expectation that you will all dedicate the majority of your spare time, for 2-3 months at a time, to planning and organising elaborate parties for each others children is bizarre and sounds exhausting.

yorkshapudding - it's certainly not 2-3 per child, just this particular one (others are normally a few days, or it certainly is for my DS who normally goes to a soft play! ) and it's not every day of the month. Like I said previously we all work full time and quite demanding hours so I'd say if I'm counting the days properly it would amount to maybe two weeks spread out across those months. But she likes to start the preparation in advance because of the holiday.

(Incidentally I'm dying to know if that neighbour is still pulling the piss)

ElspethFlashman - She did for a few weeks after the first initial 'no' but now get the cold shoulder! I know I'm a push over but when I'm asked if I can help out I find it hard to say no, especially since I know if I asked them in return they'd be more than happy to help me for DS birthday... But as I'm usually the most organised I don't need too

things that take months of planning are 10% time spent organising and 90% time spent talking about organising.

NellieFiveBellies - this.

As soon as the first mention of the child's birthday comes up, you calmly state that you can't take part in the organisation this year as you have your own milestone birthday bash to organise

HappyAxolotl - a work colleague actually suggested this exact thing to me today! I've actually planned with my work colleagues to have a meal and a night out celebration the day of my birthday. Obviously I'll still attend the DC's birthday celebrations as my DS is very close to this DC (best friends), but I won't be helping with the organisation this year... I normally get volunteered because I'm the most organised and I genuinely like planning things, but as quite a lot of you have said, I do often feel like because of that I'm being used.

Outside the party-planning space they are great friends and we're a close knit circle who have gone through a lot together and known each other since Junior School. We don't overly celebrate each other's birthdays but we at least go out for a meal/night out - just something, but since this particular DF had her DC my birthday was always pushed aside. As I said I've never minded before, the wine and DVD night was actually lovely but as this is a milestone birthday I wanted to do something different.

Sorry for the essay (and double post) and thanks for all the replies!!

For this particular DC she normally books a holiday abroad for our friend circle (she pays for accommodation we pay for our own flights with DC). This is usually planned two weeks before his actual birthday, then there's his birthday meal (close friends and family), his birthday trip to the cinema with those of us who have kids to bring (again close friends) and a big blow up party for his school friends (with entertainment / events)

I honestly and truly do not know what to say to this. This has to be the most absurd birthday celebration I've ever heard of.

I can't imagine a world where I got dragged into doing other people's self imposed tasks for them (because that's what it is, none of this is necessary, she's choosing to make so much work for herself). Dont you have enough shit of your own to manage with your own family and job?

If she can't manage her own child's birthday without help she either needs to scale back or pay for help. That child sounds like hell be one hell of a nightmare when he's older and more fool the rest of you for being used. Because that's what it sounds like is happening.

I don't consider this to be about an adult stamping their foot over a birthday, more about wanting your friends to treat you with more respect. So no OP you're not BU. For once put yourself first...it's a big birthday, you should organise something. Whether they come or not will tell you what you need to know.

Poor kid, he is either going to either be dependant on his parents for the rest of his life or get an almighty shock once he reaches adulthood. I really do feel sorry for him. Your friend sounds a bit nuts and probably compensating for her childhood. Hope you have a good birthday.

Fucking hell.

For this particular DC she normally books a holiday abroad for our friend circle (she pays for accommodation we pay for our own flights with DC). This is usually planned two weeks before his actual birthday, then there's his birthday meal (close friends and family), his birthday trip to the cinema with those of us who have kids to bring (again close friends) and a big blow up party for his school friends (with entertainment / events). It's a pretty big deal, let me tell you... It's a running joke that his 16th will be on that MTV show 'Sweet 16'. But she has the money to do it so shrug

My children go to school with parents who have helicopters, drivers etc. Not a single one of them would manage to keep a straight face whilst someone told them about this child's party. It's ridiculous.

That's not a party. That's a holiday. And she's expecting the rest of you to pay flights?!

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

So 4 events?

A holiday
Close family meal
Cinema
Mahoosive party with school friends.

How many are you going to this year?

I suggest ditching the holiday anyway, and going to the rest but not organising them in any way.

Yanbu.

But I do have to ask why the hell you are helping each other plan kids parties-unless it's a joint one between your dc and theirs?

High pressured jobs or not, if she can't organise her own kids party then she shouldn't really be holding one! She's a bloody adult for crying out loud! Maybe I'm too particular to let anyone help organise my kids parties but I seem to manage perfectly fine on my own.

I'd arrange a party for my own birthday and do it on your actual birthday...not 2 weeks down the line and I'd be reassessing my friendship group I'm afraid. She sounds self indulgent.

What?! A Birthday holiday?

Wow. I just checked out the neighbour thread (nosy). You are WAY too nice OP!

Go out and celebrate ON THE DAY with your work friends, then have something with this bunch (if you feel like it) whenever you want. Sadly I suspect that they won't be too motivated to organise anything for you themselves as they sound very self-centred

No wonder you're all skint. That whole birthday thing is insane!

Bloody hell why does it take so many people send so much time to plan a kids party.

Make a few phone calls/emails to organise

Venue
Cake
Entertainment
Food
Decorations
Send invitations

Nip to Poundland for party bag tat

Job done

I have done it all in a weekend many a time.

Absolutely fucking bonkers that so many people get so involved, and are subsequently too tired and skint afterwards due to helping to plan someone else's kids party.

YABU for being involved in this party organising situation, parents should sort their own kids parties. No need for all this drama and build up.

That aside. YANBU for feeling fed up that your birthday is sidelined every year when they all get to celebrate their own properly with the group.

Fuck just saw the birthday holiday thing! The mind completely boggles...4 events over a few weeks?! I have no words!

As PPs have said ....book your party and if they dont come then sod them! And dont invest any more time in a child`s birthday preparations. Let them do it themselves!

I can't wait to see the thread from this child's spouse in 20 years time..
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Thread title: _
My DP wasn't happy with the meal and drinks I arranged for his birthday *as it wasn't on a yacht.

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This whole thing sounds like a birthday nightmare.....I really wouldn't want to be involved in this friendship group. How do they ever have the time to do anything else?