To refuse to shake hands at an interview?

[Mehfruittea]

I'm the one interviewing.

I have EDS and my fingers dislocate easily. When I shake hands with someone, even a light grip hurts. If someone does a 'power pump' on me then my little finger joint dislocates at the top.

I did 2 interviews today and now my hand is killing. I've got 4 on Monday and 6 on Tuesday.

How do I get out of handshakes when I first meet someone? And without coming across like a dick or putting them off their interview?

I'd use a tubigrip - makes it obvious then.

I'm genuinely interested in the rationale behind people advising to say it's from an injury, rather than a disability/health condition. Why is this?

I don't mean the question in a snarky way at all, it's a genuine question that I'm interested in the answer to, as on the surface it makes it seem people think that a disability or health condition is something to be hidden, or that an injury is more "socially acceptable".

I have dealt with the exact same issue and just used to say "I don't shake hands I'm afraid as I have sore wrists". It's just a fact of life and shouldn't need an "excuse" like an injury, just a factual explanation, IMO.

It shouldn't need an apology really either but we are all very conditioned to apologise if we don't conform to social courtesies, aren't we? (I'm including myself in this )

Can you shake hands with your other hand or is that equally as painful and likely to dislocate?

There's a sales rep I deal with at work occasionally who doesn't have a right hand. I didn't notice at first because when we met he offered his left hand to shake and I reciprocated without realising that it was the opposite hand you would normally use. It was obviously a technique that he'd perfected.

And why do people advise using a bandage or splint, if OP clearly doesn't need one (or I think she would already be wearing one). Why isn't a short factual reason enough but it needs a "prop"?

I'm genuinely curious as to why people think this.

Wear a bandage a la Keith Lemon.

I have extremely sweaty hands. It's ridiculous. Obviously when I think about it, they get worse which is bad in an interview/meeting situation.

So once when I was at a meeting, I declined to shake hands because they were horrific but needed an excuse. Told them I couldn't shake hands because i had hurt my hand. Oh no they said, what have you done? Err I caught it on the door on the way in, lots of worried looking faces thinking I was going to sue them so they whipped out the bloody accident book

I had to fill in the accident book and spend the rest of the meeting doing everything with my left hand. It was a nightmare

So my advice is, don't lie. Just be honest or you get yourself into situations as above!

If she had 2 or 3 interviews it makes sense just to explain it each time. That she has SO many I wouldn't want to spend all day with people I'd probably never see again explaining that I had a condition etc. As it's all day interviewing for 2 days it seems like the quickest and most effective solution for a quick visual prop so people can quickly understand and move on.

Sorry but am I missing something here? Why don't you just be upfront, smile and explain you're unable to shake hands because you have EDS which puts you at risk of dislocating a finger?

Read the post immediately above yours, MCamp.

Of course she can explain. But sometimes.we people may want to be more inventive on how they avoid things. For example I have irritable bowel syndrome and often need the loo a lot! I could choose to tell everyone why I need to go or just go but sometimes I will just pretend I'm off to do something else. Sometimes you don't always want to explain medical conditions. That's my take on it. Anyway! But OP can correct me if I h!ave it wrong!

We people - where did that come from.... People!

Just tell them what you have told us.

You have a perfectly acceptable reason not to shake someone's hand.

Make the joke, before they do if you like, that you are happy to rub noses like an Eskimo!

Good luck with your interviews.

Go in for a bear hug instead

I think a smile and a short explanation would be fine.

I have EDS, and I don't understand why you don't just tell the truth.

The more people who know about the condition the better. Having an invisible disability is hard, it needs to be spoken about more.
I would say "Is it OK if we don't shake hands, I have EDS and my fingers are very painful today."

My last interview the 2 interviewing me did not give me the chance to pffer a handshake, it was deliberatly avoided. I was a bit miffed, I'd wear hand splints.

I had to do this once as I was an interviewee and had sprained my wrist. I put the support bandage on, and simply showed them it and apologised but said I couldn't shake the interviewers' hands. They were fine about it.

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday YES! Exactly what you said. All of that stuff. I don't get why people are so keen to be dishonest when there's a genuine reason for something. It creates an odd atmosphere because most people will pick up on the non verbal cues that things aren't quite right, which is damaging for working relationships. Well, any relationships, I guess. It would be genuinely interesting to know why people would rather do that.

Put a splint on your middle finger and tell everyone you sprained it over the weekend picking your nose. No one will touch you hand.

TBH it's a little disconcerting that you are in a senior enough position to be interviewing people and need to come on here and ask such a question. As many have suggested just smile and advise you cannot shake hands as you have a conditon which makes it painful.

I'm in the position of interviewee. I have cerebral palsy and other disability which I disclose as I have to.

My CP isn't necessarily obvious.
I hate shaking hands. I get very embarrassed, don't want to lie. I've worried all my life. It may seem ridiculous or overreacting but it is the first impression I make on people. I like some of the wording on here and I think I'll learn a phrase.
It's fine having a laugh on MN (like the idea of the massive gloves 😊). If you know someone in real life please don't belittle the worry and note that not everyone has the confidence to easily explain a disability - I really don't.

bunnylove plenty of people come on to MN for advice despite being experienced, senior, old or whatever. Im still pretty new to this aspect of my condition and shaking hands is a new issue for me.

I could have asked the many support groups I'm a member of, but unfortunately not a great deal of members are working or attend interviews. It's a sad fact of disability that it becomes more difficult to hold down a job, even if your condition doesn't prevent you from working.

Agree with pp and the social awkwardness of disability. When on crutches complete strangers will ask me what I've done to myself. When I answer along the lines of Nothing, it's a lifelong condition they make a face and scurry off. So much easier to maintain politeness and just smile. Or mess with them and tell a wild tale.

When you go to greet them make sure your hands are full.

As you are interviewing it is quite reasonable to explain you have a medical condition (or you could refer to it as an injury if you want), and cannot shake hands.

It's not at all odd that someone in a senior position might use Mumsnet to get advice, what a weird thought that they cannot.

Maybe people don't want to tell everyone their business.

My son is adopted. we don't tell anyone we meet newly, it's none of their business. But it doesn't mean we are ashamed.

OP could tell anyone she wanted to but she has the option not to tell people either.

If someone said they hafcs condition I didn't know about them hearing the name would mean nothing so they would still need to explain 'I don't shake hands'.

Which is all fine, but the OP does not have to tell people just because others would in similar circumstances.