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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to shake hands at an interview?

182 replies

Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 12:41

I'm the one interviewing.

I have EDS and my fingers dislocate easily. When I shake hands with someone, even a light grip hurts. If someone does a 'power pump' on me then my little finger joint dislocates at the top.

I did 2 interviews today and now my hand is killing. I've got 4 on Monday and 6 on Tuesday.

How do I get out of handshakes when I first meet someone? And without coming across like a dick or putting them off their interview?

OP posts:
NightWanderer · 05/05/2017 14:29

I think it's better to explain. I like the "Sorry I can't shake hands as I have EDS" approach. If you hire them then it's better they know the truth anyway. They can Google EDS later if they're interested or ask you what it is.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/05/2017 14:31

Have you tried a thumb and wrist brace? I had one for when I did something nasty to my wrist - I couldn't wear it all the time, but it helped for when I needed it.
I'm not suggesting you wear it and THEN shake hands - but have it as a visual deterrent.
Hope it went well and your hand is less sore now.

meg54 · 05/05/2017 14:35

I interviewed loads and never shook hands.
Keep a pen or something (CV?) in your right hand and direct with your left hand to their seat.
Nothing more needed.

LozzaChops101 · 05/05/2017 14:48

I think I'd feel a bit thrown by someone saying they "won't" shake hands. "Can't" would be fine!

gillybeanz · 05/05/2017 14:50

Sorry i can't shake hands, I have a condition that means I can't.
treat them with respect by explaining.

NavyandWhite · 05/05/2017 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chippednailvarnishing · 05/05/2017 14:52

I think if you are wanting to give an air of management responsibility and control these are far better than mickey's.

--Growl "Hulk smash" at them as they walk in"

To refuse to shake hands at an interview?
CycleHire · 05/05/2017 14:56

Definitely honest but brief: 'I'm afraid I can't shake your hand as I have a condition that makes it painful but it's lovely to meet you, please take a seat'

I once interviewed a man who kissed me - he was dressed in traditional Nigerian dress and it was a very formal kiss. That's probably my most unusual interview greeting experience. I didn't hold it against him though.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2017 15:09

Oh OP I think everyone who's said "Can we skip the handshake as I have an injury but it's lovely to meet you" have it spot on.

Or, how about "HR have said I'm not allowed to shake hands after the last incident"

Kokusai · 05/05/2017 15:13

I once interviewed a man who kissed me - he was dressed in traditional Nigerian dress and it was a very formal kiss. That's probably my most unusual interview greeting experience. I didn't hold it against him though.

I work with a lot of people from South America. The double kiss caught me by surprise the first time it happened!

Men+man = shake hands. Man+woman = double kiss. Woman+woman = double kiss.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 05/05/2017 15:15

Sorry I have EDS so I can't shake hands however I can put my foot behind my ear? wiggle eyebrows

Can you tell I've got EDS too 😂

Mommawoo · 05/05/2017 15:16

Offer a fist bump?

LadySalmakia · 05/05/2017 15:18

Do what people do in some cultures where you put your hand over your heart and give a slight bow smiling and saying nice to meet you.

I did some work with a very religious woman once who did this - it works beautifully because your hand is well away from where anyone could grab it by accident. She never usually explained why but it was pretty obvious from religious clothing & context of our work, but for you perhaps "Lovely to meet you, I won't shake as I've got an injury right now" with a slight bowing motion for politeness?

nixi86 · 05/05/2017 15:20

I'd go with the "sorry I can't, I have a sore wrist, but it's lovely to meet you"

I've never really gotten the importance of a handshake to be honest, the whole power pump, dominance thing. sounds far too much like a porno, (as I sit here sniggering to myself while I type, yes very mature of me, i know).

I did once go to an interview with two broken fingersfrom rock climbing, didn't mention it to the interviewer as I didn't want to be at a disadvantage by not shaking. Am pretty sure the weird grimacing deranged smile I gave as he crunched my battered bones together was a slight bit off putting.

Had he looked out the window and seen my crying and cradling my throbbing hand he probably would of thought I was even weirder Grin

I do find it sad that it was mentioned about not giving the job to someone with a condition, but am fully aware it happens daily, such a shame that someone perfectly able to do the job would be overlooked because of a factor out of their control.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 05/05/2017 15:23

Grin please go with the fake hand.

MaryTheCanary · 05/05/2017 15:29

I would say something like "I have a joint issue called EDS which makes hand-shaking uncomfortable." I would not just say EDS by itself when explaining I will not be shaking hands, because without any explanation it might be misinterpreted as being something contagious.

NightWanderer · 05/05/2017 15:30

Sorry i can't shake hands, I have a condition that means I can't.

I think this would freak me out. You'd wonder what is so mysterious. Ebola?

In 30 Rock a character couldn't shakes hands due to avian bone syndrome.

amammabear · 05/05/2017 15:31

Insancerre, that's disability discrimination right there.

If you don't normally wear supports, don't do it just for that- it can cause more pain in EDS by pushing the joints into industrial positions- you probably know all this, but having the RIGHT supports is essential.

I would just say you can't shake hands today because of a painful joint condition, I wouldn't mention EDS because so many people don't know what it is and you might find it distracts them, I get that sort of reaction from time to time.

origamiwarrior · 05/05/2017 15:48

If it is just you in the room, then you wouldn't even have to mention it, just say really friendly "Hi, come in, sit down, did you find us okay, can I get you a coffee" etc.

If you're on a panel and there are a number of you and everyone is handshaking then you'll need to say "Hello, I can't shake hands as I've got a sore wrist at the moment but it's great to meet you"

The interviewer sets the tone, so as an interviewee, I don't think I would proffer my hand before the interviewer did.

yaela123 · 05/05/2017 16:07

One of these should do the trick

Make sure you post the pic of their reaction on MN!

VestalVirgin · 05/05/2017 16:09

From an interviewee's point of view ... as long as you hire me, you can behave in all kinds of weird ways as far as I am concerned. Well, anything that does no harm, that is.

"Sorry, can't shake hands, I have a joint problem" would be totally okay!

You really shouldn't put up with the risk of people dislocating your fingers!
(Though I must say, I detest people who make handshakes into a competition of whose grip is the strongest, in general and not only with regard to your joint condition.)

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 16:37

Thanks for all your comments. I'm surprised by so many people who don't do handshaking - can I offer you a job?!

Seriously, I don't ever offer first. I would say most people I interview do offer to shake hands, either at the start, end or both.

I'm considering investing in those Hulk hands, the look awesome and comfy.

I'm loving the 'joke' suggestions and they are definitely giving me ideas!!

OP posts:
insancerre · 05/05/2017 18:29

It's not disability discrimination if the role demands that you be physically capable of doing it

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/05/2017 19:15

Hmm Lots of roles demand you be able to shake someone's hand, do they?

What a load of nonsense. Even if you worked in the hospitality industry, it would be utterly absurd to require someone to be able to shake hands.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/05/2017 19:16

(I have a friend who has no hands. Physically, no hands. I am pretty aware of what she is and isn't likely to be required to do!)

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