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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to shake hands at an interview?

182 replies

Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 12:41

I'm the one interviewing.

I have EDS and my fingers dislocate easily. When I shake hands with someone, even a light grip hurts. If someone does a 'power pump' on me then my little finger joint dislocates at the top.

I did 2 interviews today and now my hand is killing. I've got 4 on Monday and 6 on Tuesday.

How do I get out of handshakes when I first meet someone? And without coming across like a dick or putting them off their interview?

OP posts:

GahBuggerit · 05/05/2017 13:15

Just be honest! If I went for an interview and went to shake hands and was met with a weak "oh, sorry, germs"..../cold/an assertive "I won't be shaking your hand"/religious reason/putting me on the back foot I'd want to cut the interview short and save me wasting my time as I wouldn't get a good impression of you as a manager.

Just tell the truth -" will have to be a virtual handshake I'm afraid as I have an extremely painful hand-shaking-hand but it's lovely to meet you" that's it, job done.

DJBaggySmalls · 05/05/2017 13:16

I just say 'I dont shake hands'.

Elendon · 05/05/2017 13:17

Just say 'Hello and nice to meet you'. Do not proffer your hand but indicate to sit down. I'm pretty sure that some of those you interview will not be happy either to shake your hand.

sallysparrow157 · 05/05/2017 13:18

When people arrive for their interview do they get met and shown to a waiting area or whatever before you call them in? If so may be worth the person who initially meets them saying 'you'll be interviewed by Meh today, she has a hand injury/condition which makes her hands painful so she won't be shaking your hand' - then the candidate knows what to expect and there won't be an awkward moment where they offer a hand to shake

QuimReaper · 05/05/2017 13:19

DJ doesn't that throw people a bit? Would you do that as the interviewee or just the interviewer?

GahBuggerit · 05/05/2017 13:19

Good grief don't ask the receptionist to brief them! Op is not the queen ffs

LizTaylorsFabulousTurban · 05/05/2017 13:20

Why on earth should the OP affect an injury, or wear a splint/bandage? If I attended a meeting/interview/was introduced to someone new and they said something along the lines of "nice to meet you, I won't shake hands because I have a condition that makes it painful" I would think nothing of it and carry on with the meeting/interview etc.

Areyoulocal · 05/05/2017 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elendon · 05/05/2017 13:24

Conversely how would you think of someone going for an interview who said, I'm not into shaking hands if you don't mind. Would you think less of them?

domesticgoddesshaha · 05/05/2017 13:26

I'd go for tubigrip option and previous suggestion of "sorry, can't shake hands" and gesture to tubigrip.

melj1213 · 05/05/2017 13:27

I think as long as you make it clear you can't shake hands rather than you just won't shake hands, you should be fine. Whether that's by just saying "Sorry, I've hurt my hand so can we skip the handshake?" or wearing some sort of bandage/strapping/splint etc it doesn't matter.

What does matter is not making your interviewee uncomfortable by just saying "I won't be shaking your hand" as I know for me, if I went into a formal interview where an expected "standard" would be a handshake on greeting, to be told "no, I won't" with no further explanation wouldn't upset or offend me but it might throw me and leave me feeling wrong footed from the outset and I'd spend the rest of the interview second guessing things and wondering if I had somehow offended you or misread a cue.

HalfCarrot · 05/05/2017 13:28

Be halfway through some finger painting when they come in and go to shake hands with them, when they recoil do an 'oh silly me' face as if you had forgotten.

Ask a colleague to strap you in a straitjacket. Maybe a muzzle too for effect.

Pretend your hands are glued together, Angela merkel vagina shape style.

RhiWrites · 05/05/2017 13:31

I interview people a lot. Sometimes we're sitting across are really wide table so only I shake hands and the others politely nod or wave, explaining they can't reach.

It's fine to say "welcome, I'm afraid I can't shake hands".

BestZebbie · 05/05/2017 13:34

I get round this (with painful knuckles that shouldn't be squeezed) by having a cane in my right hand. I then offer my left hand with my arm across my body so that it is in the same position as a right hand, with the wrist turned so that the thumb is downwards and little finger up, so that I can still shake people's right hand palm-to-palm. People tend to have a split-second of confusion before taking it anyway but it seems to put off people who were intending to squeeze my hand as hard as they could to impress me with their dominance.

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2017 13:35

This thread is funny

What do you usually do, OP? I too am of the opinion that a simple "Hello X, I'm afraid I can't shake hands, but very pleased to meet you" whilst gesturing to a chair/the lift etc is the way to go.

StoatofDisarray · 05/05/2017 13:36

As PPs have suggested, put on a fake sling, and apologise for not shaking. An explanation of your condition is a bit TMI at the "Hello, nice to meet you" stage. The bandage/sling is a visual clue that you're not just playing mind games. A straight-out refusal to shake, even with a medical explanation, will make the interviewee feel a bit more uncomfortable than they already feel.

Kokusai · 05/05/2017 13:36

lovely to meet you Greg, sory I won't shake your hand - its really sore at the moment

ProseccoBitch · 05/05/2017 13:36

I think I'd put a bandage or support on it to avoid it altogether.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/05/2017 13:38

You know, I'm really shocked someone wouldn't employ a person with a disabling condition, just because they couldn't shake hands. How on earth would you justify that?!

I know it's off-topic as the person who said that obviously didn't read the OP properly, but it's still a bit of a shock.

FWIW, OP, I did some interviewing a while ago where we were all advised not to shake hands as it can make some applicants unduly nervous (there was a contextual reason for this, I promise!), and it was totally fine. But one easy thing you can do is to introduce yourself while holding onto your paperwork, so it's obvious you aren't intending a handshake.

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2017 13:40

The thing with all the bandage/tubigrip stuff is that it seems so fake to have to wear a "prop" just to avoid a reasonable explanation - OP doesn't wear supports day to day, so why "should" there be a visible cue? It's really fine just to say to someone "I'm afraid I can't shake hands". If you do it with a smile and a friendly manner it's not going to offend anyone.

Certainly I've said in the past "I won't kiss you, as I've got a cold" or "I won't shake hands as I've got a cold" - and no one was offended.

Secretsquirrelclub · 05/05/2017 13:40

Brief explanation or visible bandage is best. I would think the interviewer was a big of an arse if they just said 'I'm not shaking your hand' it would make me wonder if the rest of the staff where equally rude.

WankingMonkey · 05/05/2017 13:40

When they go to hold out their hand, go in for a hug instead?

I actually did that at an interview and got the job. It was so awkward and it was just my nervousness that made me do it. I was told at a later date that I only got the job because I was 'different and quirky' even though I was not, I was just nervous and socially awkward enough to hug a stranger

pinkie1982 · 05/05/2017 13:40

I worry about shaking hand, I don't like it. Funnily enough I went to an interview a few weeks ago, sat there thinking abut shaking hands, all nervous about that, not what I was going to say. I got into the room, neither interviewer offered their hand, no explaination (but I didn't offer mine either)...and I got the job!
Maybe a PP was right in saying it would put the interviewee at ease!

LadyPW · 05/05/2017 13:42

Either say 'HR have told me to keep my hands to myself from now on' or ignore their outstretched hand and just rub your hand down their arm slowly and seductively while saying 'lovely to meet you' in your very best sultry voice.
Or you could just go with prior suggestions of 'can't shake, got EDS & it hurts'. But I prefer my ideas. Especially if you don't like them on sight and want to put them off

GahBuggerit · 05/05/2017 13:42

But why all the need for smoke and mirrors? TMI would be "sorry I had to use Anusol internally earlier and I lost the nozzle so had to use my finger instead and had no time to wash my hands" not "sorry, I've got a condition which makes it very painful to shake hands but it's lovely to meet you"

This thread is so Very Best Problems rather have extravagant slings and canes and receptionists 'briefing' people than just say the truth.

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