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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to shake hands at an interview?

182 replies

Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 12:41

I'm the one interviewing.

I have EDS and my fingers dislocate easily. When I shake hands with someone, even a light grip hurts. If someone does a 'power pump' on me then my little finger joint dislocates at the top.

I did 2 interviews today and now my hand is killing. I've got 4 on Monday and 6 on Tuesday.

How do I get out of handshakes when I first meet someone? And without coming across like a dick or putting them off their interview?

OP posts:
ProseccoBitch · 05/05/2017 13:44

@WankingMonkey that made me laugh! 😂

Eeeeek2 · 05/05/2017 13:48

One of those support bandages on your hand tubigrip??

Sorry I won't shake your hand gesture at hand

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 13:48

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and for making me giggle Grin.

I'd love to go with the one about having just picked my nose, perhaps waving a boggy as a deterrent.

Gah why can't I be like the queen?!

Think having something visual is the way to go, then nod towards my hand and say "do you mind if we skip the handshake?" If they offer their hand. I'll use some bright KT tape, u fortunately tubigrip pulls my thumb out of place. And a sling is taking it a bit far.

It's also reassuring to know that nothing has changed when it comes to attitudes towards hiring someone with a disability. As it happens, I work full time and haven't had a day off sick in 6 years. I've been unfairly dismissed 3 times because of my disability though... just saying.

OP posts:
ragged · 05/05/2017 13:48

You could do a Queen-style handshake (she palms her thumb) and is the master of avoiding bone crunchers. Explain that you have a pain condition in your hands so just a light handshake please. Not an issue as long as you're open about the situation.

carolinescustard · 05/05/2017 13:48

As long as you say you can't shake hands rather than won't - l think that'd be fine.
I also like the sling suggestion- perfect!

Norland · 05/05/2017 13:50

'I won't shake hands, I don't know where you've been'

Or buy a pair of these

SecretNetter · 05/05/2017 13:51

sorry, I've got a condition which makes it very painful to shake hands but it's lovely to meet you

Can't really think of anything more perfect than this...simple, polite, sufficient but not OTT info.

All the suggestions about wearing bandages or mysteriously saying you can't shake hands is so unnecessary!

Somerville · 05/05/2017 13:54

Lots of great potential answers here OP.

Choose whichever of them feels most natural and say it in a mirror a few times. Then use your interviews next week to start using the phrase. So that ultimately you can say it whenever you need to - even if you're the one being interviewed in the future.

YoureSparticus · 05/05/2017 13:57

"Sorry, I have sore hands and can't shake, but nice to meet you".

Saying 'won't' or a PA 'EDS...' announcement won't do you any favours. A concise reason for not being able to won't leave any negative impression at all.

user1493797837 · 05/05/2017 13:59

I've never had anyone put their hand out to shake my hand and I never offer mine.

I didn't know you were supposed to!

OlennasWimple · 05/05/2017 14:01

Do Tawny's suggestion

Please don't do something else like an arm pat - that would be so awkward, especially for a nervous candidate

KatherinaMinola · 05/05/2017 14:03

A pleasant smile and a little wave with your right hand while saying "Sorry, can't shake hands" will do the trick. (Love the rubber hand idea, and the "final warning from HR" one though.)

I find shaking hands is becoming less common these days, anyway.

monkeywithacowface · 05/05/2017 14:07

An old colleague used to suffer with terrible sweaty hands and obviously never wanted to shake hands but felt obliged to; so he would do a sort of gentle hold the ends of your fingers with his thumb and fingers and give a gentle shake. I always found that far more uncomfortable than if he'd just said "sorry I can't shake your hand". I always felt bad that he felt forced into doing it when he was clearly so uncomfortable

Booshbeesh · 05/05/2017 14:08

Shout "Noggin" and bump heads- to much finding nemo.

April229 · 05/05/2017 14:09

Lovely to meet you, I'll spare you the handshake I'm just recovering from a bug / terrible cold / my little one has conjunctivitis- I'd hate yo pass it on!

monkeywithacowface · 05/05/2017 14:13

You could have your PA walk silently behind them and then when they offer you their hand the PA could scream in their ear "NO! NOT THE HAND!!"

skyzumarubble · 05/05/2017 14:15

I went to an interview recently where the interviewer said very abruptly as she walked in and said 'I won't be shaking hands'.

I got offered the job but turned it down because I would have been working with her directly and I thought she was really aggressive because of it.

Maybe she had EDS or some other condition - as the interviewee I would have preferred it if she had just said so. Wouldn't have put me off the job then,

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 14:15

-^THIS^-

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 05/05/2017 14:16

I'd go for a smile and polite greeting without mentioning anything about a handshake. If they offer theirs then a polite 'do you mind if we don't,I've got a hand injury' will be fine. Bet most won't offer if you don't.
Sorry your hand hurts, hope it feels better soon

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 05/05/2017 14:16

Nooo, what Monkey said!! Love it!

OP posts:
reawakeningambition · 05/05/2017 14:17

lol the PA.

OP, I have been in this situation, over many months sadly (though it's better now).

The only thing that works is to have some kind of medical-looking thingie such as a bandage or sling on the hand or arm - gesture towards it.

Nothing else works.

Trust me on this, I've tried, it's very embarrassing.

monkeywithacowface · 05/05/2017 14:20

Could you wear these ?

To refuse to shake hands at an interview?
CheersMedea · 05/05/2017 14:21

I went to an interview recently where the interviewer said very abruptly as she walked in and said 'I won't be shaking hands'.

It's best to be direct and explain why - and if necessary get in early - ie. before someone is standing there with hand proffered hanging in mid air.

I know a man who won't shake hands with women for religious reasons. He doesn't explain this properly (if says anything at all -which only comes later - says with a smirk "I only shake hands with my wife") and I have witnessed excruciating business meetings where the women think he is being a sexist pig and try to persist in the hand shake. It is unbelievably awkward every time and purely because he isn't honest. If he said straight out "I'm sorry I don't shake hands with women because of my religious beliefs" the moment would pass smoothly.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 05/05/2017 14:22

Say you cant shake hands as you are a Zombie and it will fall off.

Barnes79 · 05/05/2017 14:25

OP - I know it's too late for helping with this lot of interviews but try and get referred to an Occupational Therapist if you haven't already seen one. They may be able to provide a finger splint / hand and finger strengthening exercises which can help with stability of your joints a bit longer term.

Otherwise, I think a simple, "sorry I can't shake your hand due to an injury" is the most honest, whilst maintaining also your privacy.

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