Mum and Dad divorcing - drama around a party.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

backstory

I posted a few weeks ago about my Dad finding out about my Mums 3rd affair (he believed it too be her second until she corrected him) In their argument after my Mum informed him that this was her 3rd affair my Dad told her he never realised he had married somebody so cheap and easy. My mum made herself out too be the victim and wanted me and my siblings too cease contact due to him disrespecting her (Yeah, ironic)
We all told her too bugger off, she hasn't demanded anymore we cut contact but my Dad is the one who shall not be named around her especially now my Dad is currently starting divorce proceedings which I honestly think my Mum thought he would never do, and she is now feeling "betrayed" by this.

So my problem. I am planning my child's first birthday party. It's not for a weeks yet but was playing ideas. Me and my DH was thinking party in the back garden, our families and friends with their children - nothing big.

My mum has refused too attend if my Dad will be there, yet my Dad has no problem being there even if my Mum attends. My dad has said he won't attend if it will make matters easier. Obviously I told him that won't be happening.

My mum's suggestions are

1. He doesn't attend.
2. He can attend, she doesnt.
3. She attends "half" and he can attend the other half.

I laughed and said you can't be serious, turns out she is being 100% serious. Apparently if she was too be around him she wouldn't be able too control herself with what he said and starting divorce proceedings against her at age.

How the hell can I get this sorted, I obviously want both grandparents at my child's first party.
Any helpful hints in how too work around her demands.

AIBU in thinking she should grow the fuck up 😡

You have to stamp on this behaviour early ime - the party is for your child and if she won't come for petty reasons so be it. If she comes and causes a scene - that's the last time she gets an invite until she can control herself

Have you seen modern family? The mil always causes a scene!!

I would tell your mum that she is being completely selfish in making you choose between your two parents and that you simply refuse to do it. Both of your parents are invited whether she attends is her choice not yours. As a child of divorce where this sort of behaviour is a regular occurrence I totally feel for you but honestly as salon as you start pandering to it then you will keep having to make these choices and it's simply not fair.

I think you have done the right thing OP, it's your mother that needs to get her act together, tbh I don't see what your father saidnwas wrong, I actually agree with him.

You have a child and they are they GP to the child, she need to behave like a mother and GP and stop behaving like a teenager.

YOU'RE welcome

Eh clarabell? OP spelt it correctly.

chloe
A pp pointed out the op was using the incorrect 'to', I agreed with that comment as the op did this several times.
Clearly this offended the op and others.
I was sarcastically thanked so I sarcastically replied 'you're welcome', emphasising the correct spelling...I was kidding...jeez.

This is interesting...

My DM had parents who divorced and remarried. At family parties they were all invited and even in the case where my DGM (maternal) had a new female partner (that we weren't supposed to know they were "partners") but DGM and her estranged DH (separated but not divorced) lived in 2 next door houses (connected) because of the business they shared etc (yes complicated), they only divorced years later when they sold the houses, business etc and both step GF and DGM moved away.

Anyway at family parties my maternal DGF would always flirt and dance with maternal DGM and make step GM (his wife) jealous. But all 5 of them were always invited to family parties by my DM (the only child in all of this apart from her half siblings by her DF marriage to Step GM.

There were probably affairs on both sides on both parents sides (WW2) but luckily no one mentioned that or they put their differences aside. I won't say it was ever easy but they all had to behave and not make a scene. No one ever did.

In your case OP your DM should be invited but if she makes a scene she's out. I think the same scenario could and should be applied to other life events she would like to attend.

Good on your DF for standing up to her and divorcing her.