To be absolutely fucking petrified by childbirth?

[PalomaViolets]

...The title says it all really. I'm 37 & 20 weeks pregnant with my first. It's been quite easy to put my head in the sand so far and concentrate on organising the nursery etc. but I know this isn't going to help in the long run. It's been a relatively easy pregnancy so far bar the otherworldly tiredness.

I'm a bit of a loner and can count the number of friends I have on one hand so not had loads of experience with people having babies.

Just the thought of a baby coming out of me scares the shit out of me to be honest. She wasn't entirely planned but she's very much wanted by us.

Any advice? I'm really new on here so am just getting the hang on acronyms etc.

I had a planned cesarean for that reason. It's not the right choice for everyone but it was for me. Happy to answer any questions you have OP!

It is painful but you just have to remember that hopefully it is short term and you will soon have your lovely baby in your arms. Also remind yourselves that women have been successfully giving birth for thousands of years.

I had a tough time giving birth first time round and was very scared second time as a consequence. I banished the fear by educating myself. I did the following

I joined the NCT and found their signature course very useful
I read a few Ina May Gaskin books
I read birthing skills by JuJu Sundin and put most of it into action
I went to ante natal yoga classes
I read up on hypnobirthing and used some of their calming strategies.

My son's birth was calm, controlled, empowering and intensely moving. A million miles away from my first birth experience

I've done it twice with only gas and air (not a brag I was screaming for an epidural but it was too late) it's hard and it does hurt but I've had worse pain! Honestly would rather give birth 10x in a row than have sepsis again. And you get a lovely baby at the end which makes it all worthwhile, cheesy but true.

Do you have ante natal or hypo birthing classes in your area? They could help with the fear.

I was terrified too.

I read the spiritual midwifery book and it really calmed me. Helped me realise that our bodies Are capable of doing amazing things- naturally.

It was painful but bearable. I did it twice.

Fear of pain is the enemy. The pain itself is functional and productive.

I'd say get reading, mentally prepare yourself.

The thing is no one knows what it's going to be like for you, so any number of people could tell you it was great for them but that may not apply to you, and equally any number of people could tell you it was awful for them but that may not apply to you.

EG my mum had four excellent, easy births and mine was beyond horrible and traumatic despite the fact I was calm, not scared, hypnobirthing yadda yadda yadda....

Sorry, I know it's not helpful

Have you watched One Born Every Minute? You need to prepare yourself a bit, OP, or you will be in for a bit of a shock, because it IS going to happen! Do you have a gym ball? Look up some relaxation breathing techniques on Youtube, and do them through each contraction to help with pains. Do you have any specific questions? X x

I found the hypnobabies CDs really helpful. They calmed me down and made me feel more in control. But I think there is a bit of a reality check at about 20 weeks - you suddenly become very aware of the fact that there is no going back and this baby has to come out!

I think a certain amount of fear is completely natural as you are going in to the unknown, something that you've never done before!

I was scared too and I was only the 2nd person in my friend group to have a baby, so I didn't have a lot of friends with experience either. Yes labour really hurts but for me personally it was not unbearable I could just about cope with it, I had a water birth which I believe helped relax me and my babies were born fairly easy with no complications during the labour. I done it again just 11 months after my first.

Remember if you wish things like gas/air and epidurals are available to help you numb the pain and of course it will all be worth it in the end.

Learn yourself a good breathing exercise too (YouTube is your friend here)

I was the same. The nearer the birth, the more scared I became.

I had a whopper too.

I hadn't planned on an epidural, but had to have one in the end.

All I can say, is OMG, the relief from getting it was fucking amazing.

We're not having another, but if I was, I would book the epidural in advance, because there is just no need whatsoever to be in complete and utter agony.

It's all worth it in the end of course.

I was like kitten - planned section for maternal health reasons.
Having another planned section for no 2 in a couple of weeks.

Educate yourself on labour, pain relief options etc & take it from there. There is a childbirth section on here which is really useful.

My issues stem from horrific HSG experience so the thought of any vaginal examinations, forceps etc makes me extremely anxious & upset. I managed to have a smear test after DS thanks to a heavy dose of diazepam. Sex life hasn't been the same since but manage with lots & lots of lube & going slow.

Can I recommend hiring a doula! You get to know them really well in pregnancy and they will stay with you for the whole of labour. Mine was fantastic

Honestly, you will be so overcome with adrenaline you won't know what to feel. I was late and had a sweep. I insisted on going home afterwards. Soon as i got in the door my waters burst and i was back at the hospital within 40 mins. Then into the delivery room and DD was born within 20 minutes.

I had gas and air only because there was no time for anything else. I remember it being painful. Very much so. But the adrenaline really does block your brain from registering most of the pain (or maybe that was the gas and air? I was slurping it constantly).

There is no point getting yourself anxious over the birth. It's inevitable. That baby needs to come out of you eventually. Get your birth plan sorted, your bag packed and then don't think about it again until you're in labour.

Every time you do find yourself worrying about, just shift your focus to imagining yourself cradling your newborn.

Knowledge helped me. And listening to hypnobirthing cds at night to get to sleep. By the time labour came I was unflappable,although I had my wobbles before labour.

Something happens in labour.... You sort of go in to your own world. Gas and air aids that. Failing that you can ask for an epidural but I have no experience of that. The birthing pool was good for the contractions too. You get into the zone. I find the pushing bit the best part as it is less painful and also surprisingly effective if you have no pelvis issues.

Okay - here is what I can tell you.

I had two very positive experiences giving birth. I did hypnobirth practice before hand - this is NOT mumbo jumbo or assurance that you won't find it painful - it is a relaxation and pain relief technique that also kept me calm and happy in the lst stages of pregnancy. Look up Mongan method hypnobirth - it's not a problem if you then go on to have c section or epidural - the hypnobirth will help ensure you stay calm as possible as the contrations start - and that is good for lots of reasons.

I had gas and air and water as pain relief - luckily that was all I needed, I can actually say I enjoyed it! yes its fucking painful - but it's not like breaking a leg - it's a process like climbing a mountain - you know it will end, the baby will come out in the end!

in the end, birth is a day of your life - the baby is here forever! Its painful and full on but it's a mad and incredible experience as well.

Whatever way your birth unfolds, it might surprise you - the gas and air had a great effect on me, I was in the birth centre trippping off my head loving the calm surroundings ! really is worth working on your breathing (hypnobirth helps with this) as it was very helpful when the contractions were strong - the second time I gave birth I can honestly say I got into such a flow with the breathing that it was not painful until the last couple of hours...I was just breathing and feeling the contractions come and go while focusing on breathing deeply in with them - all just in the dark on my ball at home....

as I said, birth can of course have many paths - the importat thing is that the calmer you can be going into it - the more able you will be able to cope with what happens

and then you meet your baby! its incredible - and you are the star of the show which is also nice..!.

Please don't be scared, it is natural to feel afraid of the unknown.

I've had two babies, and a bad muscle spasm in my back. Honest to goodness, that muscle spasm was way worse than childbirth. I would have done childbirth ten times over than that back issue.

Just think, you don't need to be a hero, try the gas and air, water first. If that doesn't work for you, then have an epidural. Do whatever works for you. Good luck OP!

just to add - a friend I met on the hypno birth course had an induced labour - known as being more painful - and while waiting for the epidural she started listening to her hypno tapes/ music and got into such a flow herself that she chose not to have the epidural in the end...

I'm not saying you need to say no to pain relief - do what the hell you want - but even a 'difficult' birth like an induced one can actually be better than expected, so it is worth focusing on the positive....

I found the actual giving birth bit fine. Did it with gas and air and whilst it stung a bit when the baby crowned it was a completely managable pain.

The labour on the other hand was absolute agony. I did it with no drugs (not through choice) and wanted to die. The stitches afterwards werent particularly pleasant either.

The birth is the easy bit as you are totally running on adrenaline.

Can you book yourself into some antenatal classes? I found them really helpful for preparing for childbirth and getting over the anxiety because of course they have coached so many women through labour before and those women have come through it just fine. It helps to know what to expect and what your options are. If your income is low many courses offer sliding scales. NCT is the well known one but google antenatal + your town and you may find independent ones as well.

They also teach your partner techniques to support you which can be absolutely invaluable.

This was blog of the day a few days ago and is very funny as well as being reassuring. It's worth a read :)

havingitall.family/2017/birth-number-one-a-k-a-the-slowest-birth-of-all-time/

Speak to your midwife/gp about this abc tell them just how scared you really are. There is counselling available for this very reason.......
If I could add , I'd rather do labour a hundred times over than the first month, I would! X

It's perfectly reasonable to be scared approaching the birth of your first child!
You have no idea how your body is going to cope, how you're going to respond to the pain etc. Nobody can tell you. Even we can only tell you how it was for us.
I think the thing is not to get fixated on any one method or type of delivery, educate yourself on your options and remember that most women get through it OK. They might need differing levels of assistance up to caesarian under GA but everybody there wants you to walk out the door carrying your baby.

Honestly, I'm the world's biggest wimp and I don't think it was bad, in fact, I would rather give birth than have a urine infection!

I was 40+12 and induced. It was a fast labour and I only needed gas and air.

I would describe the contractions as really strong squeezing period pains that come round from your back to your front and then fade. It was a more ache pain that a sharp pain.

Crowing was the most 'painful' part for me. It was a burning sensation in my mini but was completely do-able as it didn't last long and the midwife splashed cold water on my mini which helped loads.

Honestly it was nothing like I expected and it definitely isn't the worst pain I've experienced.

I know it sounds mad but I think staying positive really helped me remain calm. Just think to yourself 'I can do this. This is what my body is made for. My body is designed to take this'.

Of course my labour was straight forward and everyone's experience is different. But child birth does not automatically mean horror!

PM if you want

YANBU
thing is tho it just happens. And it will happen however it happens.
I was absolutely terrified and screamed bloody murder the entire time. As it went i did have a very long and traumatic labour (3 days long with tearing) but im in a minority i was just unlucky.
However it wouldnt put me off doing it again because theres nothing your fear can do really, its not like you can back out of it once its begun like 'oh ive changed my mind sorry!' So just scream as much as you feel like, take whatever drugs you want and just let it happen. Honestly i think its just about letting go. You dont know how its going to pan out at all.
My friends labour was 3 hours long and she walked out of the hospital that same day completely fine. Mine was horrific. Both first time mums and both had uncomplicated pregnancies.
Mine was awful but I did it and it was worth it. I would do it again and id be frightened yes, but i know in the grand scheme of your life its actually only a very short period of time.
Try not to stress about it because you really dont know what will happen. You could find it easy, some people do!! And even if you dont you will still most likely be completely fine in the end. You hear a lot of horror stories online but remember people usually only talk alot about these things online if they have had a difficult experience in some way so you will be getting a skewed view. Most women do find it somewhat painful but manage it fine.