To be absolutely fucking petrified by childbirth?

[PalomaViolets]

...The title says it all really. I'm 37 & 20 weeks pregnant with my first. It's been quite easy to put my head in the sand so far and concentrate on organising the nursery etc. but I know this isn't going to help in the long run. It's been a relatively easy pregnancy so far bar the otherworldly tiredness.

I'm a bit of a loner and can count the number of friends I have on one hand so not had loads of experience with people having babies.

Just the thought of a baby coming out of me scares the shit out of me to be honest. She wasn't entirely planned but she's very much wanted by us.

Any advice? I'm really new on here so am just getting the hang on acronyms etc.

To be honest I had less pain in labour than I did with my periods.The actual giving birth bit though didn't hurt apart from the short sting as the head comes through,your body knows what to do and you just follow it.
We all have different experiences and your will be different too.
Audio books are a good idea as it is hard to concentrate to n the first stage but apart from walking around you need something to fill the time.

I did Daisy Birthing classes for both of mine (DD 3 and DS 15 days!). For me it was all about knowledge and understanding the mechanics of birth - what happens and why.

The key points I'd give are:

Learn a breathing technique or two - your uterus is a muscle and muscles need plenty of oxygen in order to do their job.

Adrenaline is your enemy - it inhibits the hormones you need for labour to progress (oxytocin, etc) so you really do need to keep yourself calm. Again the breathing techniques will help with this.

Get informed. Find out about pain relief options and what you think you might want to use. Ask at your birth centre/delivery unit about what they have to offer - how active can you be, is there a pool?

Look at different Birthing positions. If you know what you can try in advance then you can experiment to find out what feels comfortable/natural for you. I found kneeling on the floor over a Birthing ball helped a lot with contractions.

Remember gravity is your friend when it comes to getting that baby out!

Thank you all!!

I'm on a bus on the way to work so have just scan read as I don't want to cry [blush.] The laying an egg sounds wonderful though! Being knocked out and handed the baby when I wake up would be ideal (facetious I know).

I will read properly and educate myself but I really do appreciate all your advice and support

Just had my 20 week scan and the little madam was curled up in a ball so have to go back

Most of us are scared.

Keep in mind that
-we were built for this - and it can be done especially with all the help that is on hand.
-It isn't all terrible. I don't think I'm alone in really treasuring the memories of each birth.I have had other painful experiences - birth is the only one I choose to do again.

-Language fails here. Words like 'pain' are usually attached to negative things like accidents and illness. ' Pain' in this case is part of something really positive - in fact, amazing. It is hard to explain but there is a difference.

(Language fails in other ways too: do look up a good selection of new and satisfying swearwords for the event. The usual ones will not serve. )

It is a HUGE experience - a real adventure.

paloma I hope you didn't think I was being patronising but for me fully understanding the process and knowing what each pain or sensation could mean - really helped me and I was very very scared

Currently 20 weeks and reading this with great interest

Think i'm going to get down the library and get my self some knowledge as that seems to be the consensus!

OP when are you due? we may well be roughly the same :)

Just look at how many of us had more than one. Does that reassure you?

You are going to be fine!
Best wishes.

Try hypno birthing. I found it really really helpful to shut my brain down and let my body get on with it.

Thinking about being in labour is way more scary than being in labour.
And watching someone in labour is very different to being in labour yourself.
And the fear of being in labour is waaaaaay worse than being in labour.

redjoker I'm due on the 16th of September. You?

Oh and I've got One Born Every Minute series linked but can't bring myself to watch an episode yet! 😣

The thing is my arms are covered in tattoos so I'm not a total wimp. Anything down there has always made a bit squeamish down there though.

Link to Daisy Birthing: thedaisyfoundation.com/daisy-birthing/

Ten Tips from Royal College of Midwives: betterbirths.rcm.org.uk/resources/ten-top-tips-for-women/

Also this picture of various Birthing positions might help.

Ok - here's my top tip. Adapted from a school assembly over 20 years ago. In Australia, when they have bush fires, and there's one animal (can't actually remember which one but it's kind of irrelevant) that survives them. All the other animals try to run away from the fire, but the fire is faster so it catches them and they die.

The mystery animal doesn't do that. It crouches down and waits for the fire to reach it, then instead of running away it jumps through the wall of flames onto the charred ground the other side, and survives.

That little story came to me the first time I gave birth. It hurt like nothing else I'd ever experienced (I'm not being mean saying that, I think it's better to know that rather than kid yourself that it might not be that bad, like I did). I was panicking, the pain was getting worse and worse and I felt like I couldn't cope. I was writhing around in the birthing pool trying to get away from the pain. Then I remembered the mystery Australian animal and decided I needed to face the pain rather than try to get away from it. The only way it was going to get better was for it to get worse, so I knew I had to embrace the pain and go with it.

Dd1's labour was 4.5 hours, dd2 was 3.5. No pain relief (that was an error in hindsight), no stitches, no intervention. So yes not fun, but it was over quickly both times. WOuld have had pain relief the second time but there were no midwives free to give me any!

I was UTTERLY TERRIFIED of giving birth, especially to my first. I really wanted a c section, but no one really too me seriously. I eventually had ALL the drugs going, and had an epidural for when she was born. The birth bit was the bit that made me never want to have a family, but my husband really wanted a family so here they are.
I did read lots about it, which may or may not have helped, but it did help to familiarise me with various terms.
I have friends who wouldn't watch OBEM when preggars, but I think if it was on when I was, I prob would have watched it, as I think it would have helped a bit.
I have to say, if I can do it, then anyone can as I am a huge wimp. However, I do remember saying when I was on the way to the hospital to have baby number 2, "I can't believe I am doing this again!"

If it is any comfort, you get into it as you go along, and the hormones help you put up with everything. I am not saying it's not painful - it is - but it's kind of manageable as you are designed to do it and there is a clear end in sight.

And one thing that helped me was realising that if it was that bad, everyone would only ever have a single child!! Plus I realised however bed it was going to be, it was only a day out of my life and unlike in generations gone past, the risk of death in childbirth was negligible and I had the NHS to rescue me if things went pear shaped.

YY to hypnobirthing, drugs, birthing pools and so on. Whatever you feel you'd like. Go for it. But really, it's just about OK and the fact I had four the old-fashioned way bears testament to that (Believe me, I am no heroine!)

PS It was less bad than root canal treatment IMVHE

Boffin you need to change your dentist!

OP, before my first birth I felt like I was about to go into a room and be tortured

and yet, I managed to calm the fear and I enjoyed my second birth, really!

what green fox, the pains are manageable and if you can stand, wiggle, take G%A

Its really not that bad

I did!

I have really good memories of my births, even though the first one was ventouse. You've got to remember there is a your precious baby at the end of it. So worth it. I like playing it all back in my head. Of course it hurt but they're still good memories. Take the pain killer options.

The most important thing is you'll have your little baby at the end of however you give birth!

You're only 20 weeks so get reading up on stuff. I'm having a planned c-section for my 2nd DC as I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to experience a vaginal birth. One word of caution, you'd probably need to speak to your midwife about this option if it interested you soon as she'll need to sort out the initial appointment with a consultant to discuss it at the hospital around week 24.

Remember it's your business how you give birth, it's not a competition. You do what feels right for you. And it's perfectly normal to be scared!

What really surprised me was that the excitement of meeting our son ( we didn't know he was a boy) really helped through the painful bits. Imagine being a child at Christmas, I was just so excited and full of anticipation that although it did hurt that was a secondary consideration. For me, and I think most others on here number 2 was a complete doddle and I didn't have much time to think about anything before he was with us.

There's some good advice here.

I would strongly recommend a read of the hypnobirthing books (Marie Mongan is the one I used). I read the book first before deciding it was for me - but even if you decide not to do a full course, the book itself is very reassuring.

Remember, our bodies were made for this. It's not the most jolly or comfortable experience, but it's much more bearable if you are relaxed and not terrified. I didn't have any pain relief, even though I was induced by drip - the contractions hurt, but were bearable (though I accept every one is different and has different thresholds for pain!), but the main thing was I remained calm.

Also, maybe take up some pregnancy yoga, if you can - it helps you develop good breathing practices, which are very useful in relaxing yourself.

Feel free to PM if you want. You'll be fine.

In some ways it's a good thing that you are anxious, I do think women who go in expecting it to be easy or an amazing experience can have a horrible shock because it doesn't necessarily work out that way.
I second the recommendations to watch OBEM, tons of episodes. I also recommend reading up on hypnobirthing etc and signing up for ante-natal classes so that you understand the process and the terminology and can start thinking about how you want to manage the pain. If you have tattoos then you must have some coping strategies from when those were done?
Tell your midwives how you feel.
It's not easy and it does hurt but you can do this.

It's normal to be worried.

Sorry to tell you this but I believe you have relatively little control in how your body handles it. It's fine to have a plan, but every birth is different. You might have a textbook delivery, you might not. Be prepared that really all that matters is you all come out of it ok. I say this as someone who nearly didn't, never will you be more grateful for being in a country where you have access to medical care. I was incredibly fit and well when I had my children but my labour didn't go as planned.

Your birth will be different to how you imagine, but you will have a baby at the end of it and that really is all that matters.

Absolutely no one cares what drugs you have so have what you think you need. Fantastic for those women who get by without drugs but your body may be very different, there's nothing to be gained by denying pain relief if you need it.

Really good luck. Most hospital staff are fantastic. Just keep asking questions if you're not happy with anything at all.

I thought this was a General Election thread.

Sorry, been and gone through labour and imo it was horrific for several reasons.

a. If you can, get a birthing partner who is a woman and done it before recently and stays with you AT ALL TIMES ie. a doula or private midwife. I was left on my own for a very long period of time and was in advanced labour by the time my partner and mum came. Also they knew nothing, and the midwife massively messed up.

b. Prep with hypno birthing. All my friends who have done it said it was amazing and made a huge difference, inc a friend who went from emergency C-section due to being unable to push baby out, to natural birth second time around. She is v v v petite but she did it.

All I can say, is it's one day, it is hard work and sore, but once that baby is here you forget it all. Your body does kick in to help you and you are in the hands of professionals with lots of painkillers.

Some women even choose to do it a second time! Good luck!