To be absolutely fucking petrified by childbirth?

[PalomaViolets]

...The title says it all really. I'm 37 & 20 weeks pregnant with my first. It's been quite easy to put my head in the sand so far and concentrate on organising the nursery etc. but I know this isn't going to help in the long run. It's been a relatively easy pregnancy so far bar the otherworldly tiredness.

I'm a bit of a loner and can count the number of friends I have on one hand so not had loads of experience with people having babies.

Just the thought of a baby coming out of me scares the shit out of me to be honest. She wasn't entirely planned but she's very much wanted by us.

Any advice? I'm really new on here so am just getting the hang on acronyms etc.

oh and also my top tip is that even though it sounds a bit wishy washy, finding something that usually relaxes you to focus on during labour does actually help.
I turned my nose up at all that hypno advice about music and soft lighting but in the actual event the most helpful thing to me after the epidural was music!!
I found it more helpful than gas and air or pethadine! Just focusing on songs that i knew really well to keep me going.
I think if i did it again i might even take an audio book or something. I was in labour so long i just needed something to focus on to take me away from the pain.

The good news is that no matter how painful it is that the pain comes in contractions... and that the longest these last is 2 mibutes... then you get about a minute at least s breather before the next one! And that is when in full.on labour.

The bit in between contractions is surprisingly pain free! So take it one contraction at a time and like others have said try and find a good pregnancy yoga course and antenatal class to get tips on breathing techniques etc. Google "the golden breath" cheesy but it works. Golden breath up the mountain (as contraction gets worse) and down the mountain (as contraction eases)

Birthing pool can also can help reduce pain.. things for me got a lot easier as soon as I was in that. Body was more free to move about and just seemed to take over when I got into there.

It is painful but a "productive pain" .. and for me having that mindset helped. I made a conscious effort to try and not be saying "I can't do this I can't do this" a la the one born every minute style!

Abother tip i was given was to try not to be screaming and wailing. .. that that energy is better directed into the contraction if that makes sense... especially when it got to the pushing stage. For me that worked but I think I got off lightly as only had a 6 hour labour so no disrespect to anyone screaming and wailing!!!

You'll be fine. . Trust your body !

I would recommend doing some type of antenatal yoga/relaxation classes, like the daisy foundation ones, but there are loads of others too. Aside from the actual techniques, we discussed different things about childbirth at each session, and even just talking about the process of childbirth for a short period each week gets you more into that zone, rather than freaking yourself out with the horror stories that people love to tell you.

The unknown is scary, and you have no idea what sort of birth you're going to have until you're in the situation. I went into it thinking the worst, and expected it to be awful, but it really wasn't as bad as I had expected. In fact I was preparing myself for it to get a lot worse when all of a sudden she was born and it was all over!

Go to a class and do a bit of preparation. Knowing what your options are in advance in terms of pain relief etc make things a lot less scary than trying to process that information when you're actually in labour.

Congratulations! Labour is not always horrible. I had an epidural and slept through most of mine. No pain at all except at the start (before the epidural).

There are as many labour stories as there are mothers; I'd research your options very thoroughly, try to focus on best case scenarios, and talk through your fears with your doctor or midwife.

Will you do antenatal classes? I found them really helpful. Here in Belgium we were also able to visit the maternity ward and attend a talk and q&a by an anaesthetist which really put any fears I had about epidurals to rest. (Almost everyone has one here.) I don't know if similar information possibilities are available to you? I think forewarned is definitely forearmed!

I read the ina may book. Interesting...

Hypno-birthing cd every day now until the birth. Birth ball when you can. Raspberry leaf tea. No slouching. All suggestions on how tonget baby in best position and raspeberey leaf tea is supposed to
Make Labour faster. Mine were 6 and 3 hours. Make low noises not high noises. Think moo.

Have you done the nct course? Mine was
Very thorough.

I had one in the birth pool. At home. That was ace. The second at the birth centre
And was too fast when i got there to get in the pool. Was on my hands and knees. I never understand why films / tv always show women on their backs???

I've done it 3 times. I 2nd the Spiritual midwifery books (though the orgasmic birth bit like WTF just NO!). The best thing ever was a £15 natal hypnotherapy hypnobirthing CD. I bought it for my 2nd and I wish I'd done that for my 1st. Used it again for number 3. I managed the pain so much better with the CD that the midwives didn't actually believe me either time when I said I was actually having the baby RIGHT NOW as I wasn't making any noise. 1st time I was moo-ing like a cow of course and the midwife had to tell me to shut up.

You'll get through it. You're not having to do it alone, there will be lots of people helping. And it will all be worth it

I've got no children. Would be terrified myself! Nothing helpful to add, but I must say I have often pondered why the mammals seem to get such a raw deal with childbirth. Why can't we lay soft eggs that harden on contact with the air? Sorry, OP, I'm a bit strange sometimes .

You'll get good advice here and if you want your baby, it's the only way you will get it. Just hold onto that thought. It will be worth it. I have certainly never heard of a birth experience making a mother regret her baby.

For me giving birth is a breeze compared to pregnancy! I've had 4 including 1 set of twins, when birth is allowed to happen naturally it's really not that bad. It hurts yes but if you can get into a state of relaxation then everything happens faster and it hurts less. I loved the birthing pool but other people swear by hypnobirthing etc. a good hypnobirthing teacher will really address your fears so it might be worth trying to do a session. I can recommend someone brilliant if you're in London.
Think about it this way, every person on this planet, all however many billion of us, are here because their mother gave birth in one way or another. If it was that horrific, people would never have more than one baby. I would try and address your anxiety; reading positive birth stories can really help.

Yanbu, just like kitten I had an elective caesarean. I just couldn't bear the thought of the labour, and then pushing the baby out of you and even worse tearing and all that stuff.

My CS was controlled, calm and such a relaxing experience. My doctor had calming music playing, the paed even made a few jokes, I knew in 30 mins my DS would be there, and I could plan for that date in advance.

I would most definitely do it again, and I really don't care to have the 'experience' of a natural birth.

As long as the baby is here, you don't get a prize for doing it the most natural way. The bond between you and baby will still be as strong. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Honestly, first time round I kept my head well and truly buried until I'd actually had my DC as I was so scared!!! I went to classes - didn't like them and had forgot everything by the time of birth came along!!
I literally just went with the flow when it happened. I had a very quick but awful labour but I can honestly say, I don't really remember much of it. I think I've blocked it out.
Your body will do what it needs to do and you run on adrenaline.
Have faith in the staff at the hospital, and just keep trying to focus on the end product.
Good luck! X

Get yourself some hypno - birthing relaxation tracks right now and start listening to them today OP - it will make a big difference to your state of mind. The more relaxed and calm you are the better your labour will be.

Avoid reading birth horror stories too (if you have been doing that). It's not helpful at all.

I second what a pp has said that Birth Skills by JuJu Sundin is an amazing book. I saw it recommended on here and I am so grateful as it really meant I could handle my labour. It doesn't spout crazy ideas like it's not painful or make you feel a failure if you want an epidural, it just gives fantastic, practical pain management techniques which really worked for me. Good luck OP.

Remember - every single person on this planet was born. And many of their mums had more than one child. You can definitely do it!

Aside from that I would agree that knowledge is your friend - the more you know and understand about the birth process and what can happen will help you prepare and not be fearing the unknown.

And definitely decide on what will work for you. Hyponobirthing and water births were definitely not up my street and I think techniques like that only work if you really buy into them. Be flexible and don't get too set on any particular experience. If you're worried about the pain, plan to take the drugs. They are there for a reason

You will be fine I was really worried about the birth but by the time DS arrived I was so sick of being pregnant I just wanted him out!

It was the worst pain I had ever experienced, plus I vomited 6 times, plus I had a planned epidural that only worked on my right side! But we got our beautiful boy at the end! And I'm proud of myself that I managed to deliver him :-) NCT classes were really helpful and our teacher was realistic about birth. Get booked on some x

It depends what sort of person you are really. I'm very much a 'as prepared as can be' and want to know about as many possibilities as I can so I can project scenarios in my head.

I also read Birth Skills by Juju Sundin which was a MASSIVE help for my second birth. It just seemed to rationalise it all and discussed the pain in a way I could really get my head around (ie your brain can't process pain in more than one area at a time so focus your entire being on something else to detract from the pain).

It might help to know what preparation you've done?

What I told myself when I was pg is that 100 billion people through time have been born. All those pregnant women have given birth successfully, most without any pain relief. I am no different from any of those women and will manage, and I did. You will too.

I was 27 when I had our son. Very much wanted but I dont think even on entering he labour ward and my room it had dawned on me exactly what was happening. I joked with DH about the item wrapped up under the bed being our child and this whole thing wasn't real.

It was a huge shock and I believe now I had pre and postnatal depression which went undiagnosed.

However, it's amazing when it all starts that your body knows instinctively what to do. I went into labour on my due date (Gold for me!) and had our son 24 hours later. He was 8lb 11 and I needed help by way of an episiotomy and low level forceps towards the end as I was so tired. The most painful part for me was the stitches afterwards.

You will be fine. Don't doubt yourself. Remember, no-one wins a medal

I just had G&A but believe hypnobirthing can be good?

It is normal to be terrified. I just about passed out in the ante natal class when they showed a birth video & DH was very white. The midwife obviously thought we were hopeless. As it turned out I was lucky enough to have a straightforward delivery. Although it wasn't a walk in the park, at least I couldn't see anything, which helped, DH stayed by my head and didn't look and we made it through to the other side - and so will you. Good luck.

I felt terrified too, really petrified of the pain and the whole experience.

I found that knowledge is power and educated myself to the max. I read all of Ina May Gaskin's books, spend hours in the library trawling maternity and childbirth books. Read everything I could online and spent ages watching birth videos on YouTube.

I had all 3 of my babies with no pain relief. I understood everything that was happening to me as and when it did during the whole process of birth and knowing what was going on really took away any anxieties, worry and fear. I felt fully in control throughout. I remembering telling the midwife "it's OK, I think I'm transitioning into stage 2 of labour"!

I felt so educated after all my research I felt almost confident to deliver my own baby

It's normal to be afraid - only a fool wouldn't be.

Ignore the horror stories re first time births. I had 5 kids, and several miscarriages and have to say my first labour was, in retrospect, the easiest.

And over in just over an hour, start to finish so all that stuff about first labours typically taking 16 hours was nonsense, too. You might get lucky, too, OP.

Nothing for it but to go ahead, so you have to just tell yourself your body will know what to do when the time comes. I often think fear holds people back and slows it down, as well, so on the day you really might as well be bloody fearless. Worked for me.

I agree with pp and suggest either a nct course or antenatal classes run by the hospital so you can be prepared. I was really nervous about giving birth and found knowing exactly what would/could happen stopped me worrying when I did go into labour. My ds's birth didn't turn out to be easy and needed interventions but I wasn't concerned. I would also research pain relief and be open to taking it all. Having an epidural made everthing much easier. I would also suggest nct classes as a way to make friends and have a support network of other mums.

It's understandable to be frightened, it's a frightening thing and no matter how much you read or speak to people about it, you don't know how it's going to be for you until it happens.

There is probably no point in hearing about other people's experiences because yours will be unique, but what I will say is that I've had two children and the labours were not as bad as I was expecting. I managed both on gas & air and both time recovered well. I'm lucky, but so are lots of people, it's just you hear the horror stories more often.

My second birth was a really really positive experience. I was completely 'in the zone' and felt calm, strong and empowered by the whole experience. I attribute this almost entirely to the fact that I used hypnobirthing techniques, I had a fast and stressful first labour and I wanted the second to be calmer and to feel more in control. Hypnobirthing really helped with that and I would massively recommend it.