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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long is a reasonable time off work?

116 replies

Seeeeriously · 02/05/2017 11:00

NC because...well....

A colleague lost a grandparent the week before last. Colleague is a decent employee but never does anything extra in an industry where extras are expected (this results in others doing these extras for colleague).

The grandparent had not raised them as a parent, IYSWIM. Grandparent had been poorly for a week or so.

So far, colleague has had six days off, and has sent a message saying they will be continue to be absent 'this week' due to funeral arrangements / funeral.

Last week, colleague was supporting parents and clearing Grandparent's house.

Others in team are covering colleague's work at a VERY busy time of year.

AIBU to be a little Hmm at this extended absence?

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 02/05/2017 11:04

Yes YABU. I took one day off for my grandad's funeral a couple of years ago but needed a lot more time when my other grandad died. We were very close.

Just do whatever your HR rules say.

brasty · 02/05/2017 11:04

Does your workplace not have a policy on this? If not they really should. Any place I have ever worked only allowed 3 days maximum, and any more had to be taken as sick leave or annual leave.

LightYears · 02/05/2017 11:06

I don't think two weeks off for a grandparents bereavement is too much. More than a month, yes.

harderandharder2breathe · 02/05/2017 11:10

There should be HR policies which should be followed

You don't sound like you like the employee very much. Are you their manager or a colleague? If manager than follow company process. If colleague you can only raise the issue of your increased workload, not the personal issues of a colleague.

PNGirl · 02/05/2017 11:10

My workplace gives you a day leave for the funeral. I think if you're distraught for a couple of days you'd be no use at work anyway, but there shouldn't be a fortnight of paid time off to clean the deceased's house. It's an awkward one to raise though.

Pinkheart5917 · 02/05/2017 11:15

You've got 1 easy going workplace, 2 weeks for a grandparents death. A day or two maybe but two weeks

Most employers do have a written rule about this and unless it's a parent/child/spouse, it's generally funeral only or a day if your lucky

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 11:17

What's their culture? Hindus, some Muslims, often have to take 2 weeks off for death rites/religious reasons.

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 11:18

It's also possible they are caring for parents who are devastated as a result. My dad broke down after gran's death and it took me, my, mum, and brother to ensure he took care of himself.

LadySalmakia · 02/05/2017 11:20

I work for a very reasonable employer (well, about this sort of thing anyway!) and this sadly happened to me a while ago. I took a day's compassionate leave for the funeral and a day's annual leave the next day. I'm pretty sure that had I needed to I would have been able to take about a week or so longer with my manager's blessing either by taking it as self-certified sick leave or as annual leave - sick leave reasoning being that I may have been too stressed or upset to work, annual leave if I just really didn't want to.

But I think any longer than that would have been a massive issue and I would only have been able to do that at certain times of the year when our workload is less about specific events.

PhyllisNights · 02/05/2017 11:22

5 days compassionate leave is standard.

AnnieOH1 · 02/05/2017 11:26

I was off for a fortnight when my last gran passed. I ended up in a bit of a state with regards to a recurring nightmare to do with the cremation process, I wouldn't have been any at work and ended up on sleeping pills to get the rest. No I don't think 2 weeks is too long. It may be that the employee was close to grandparent (just because that person didn't bring them up doesnt mean they weren't closer to them than their parents).

Is this a colleague you're having to cover for or a someone you supervise?

LaurieMarlow · 02/05/2017 11:27

Just follow your HR guidelines.

However, if a two week absence of 1 member of staff seriously impacts the workload of everyone else, you need to consider your staffing levels. Sounds like you're under resourced.

AprilShowers16 · 02/05/2017 11:28

Are they taking it all as compassionate leave or some as annual leave. If the later then I think colleagues should be understanding that it's not an ideal time but life happens. If all compassionate leave then does that tally with companies HR policy. Most places I've worked at have had a policy that varies depending on the circumstance.

hazeydays14 · 02/05/2017 11:28

My Granddad passed the week before Christmas, I had my one day off as dictated by the HR policy and returned to work in a state the next day having travelled to be with my family the day I found out. My cousin took until Christmas off, about a week, to help take care of my Nan who was beside herself with grief. Luckily/very unluckily, the rest of us had a lot of time off over Christmas and New Year to help out.

My Granddad didn't raise me, in fact he wasn't even biologically my granddad but was around long before I was born. If I didn't work for a public service I would have taken the time I needed. I don't think 2 weeks is unreasonable.

user128057 · 02/05/2017 11:29

I took 1 day off when my grandparent died. My work are very strict on absence unfortunately and I didn't want to get in trouble. They wanted me to go into work after the funeral.

Goldfishjane · 02/05/2017 11:29

it depends on workplace policy and how it is being allocated - is it compassionate leave or is he using annual leave?

if he is using annual leave and you're annoyed at lack of notice, I think you're being unfair.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/05/2017 11:34

It does sound like longer than you'd expect, and I don't think grandchildren should be expected to pitch in and help clearing the house - well, not at the expense of working.

However, if I were you I would be grateful to work for such a compassionate company. It is far, far better than the alternative. You may be at the receiving end one day and understand why it matters so much.

My company is extremely generous with giving paid leave, although it must be said we would never be understaffed and it would not impact on colleagues. So there would be no reason for resentment amongst staff.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/05/2017 11:36

its 5 days even for a parent, your Hr and management need to step in

sobeyondthehills · 02/05/2017 11:38

A friends team member, just got 3 days off for his sick dog.

I have no idea if there was something more involved, but I know my friend was a bit confused

TheNaze73 · 02/05/2017 11:39

Anymore than 5 days would raise eyebrows with most

Topuptheglass · 02/05/2017 11:40

Has your colleague maybe put in a sick line?

My sister is terminally ill & a few times been so low that we've needed time off work.

We're a very close family & as well as hold down jobs we help care for her & her young children.

I've recently had two weeks off when I had a really tough time coming to terms with what's happening - my doctor is our family doctor & felt it appropriate for me to have time away from work.

I'm not sure three days off when she passes will be enough for me.

HazelBite · 02/05/2017 11:41

Most companies have a policy dependent on how close the relationship to the deceased is. However this doesn't always work i have an Aunt to whom I am extremely close to and I would be devastated and very affected if something were to happen to her but workwise an Aunt would be down on the list of persons "close to you"and annual leave would be required just to go to the funeral.
I think you would be charitable to give your colleague the benefit of the doubt you have no idea of the closeness of her relationship to the deceased.
Yes she probably is a lazy so-and-so and she may be taking advantage, but you should be the bigger person here.

leccybill · 02/05/2017 11:41

Unless it's in teaching where you don't get annual leave so you have to take compassionate and then unpaid if needed/granted.
The expectation would only be a day or two for grandparents though unless extensive travel was involved.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/05/2017 11:42

They're stretching it now for a grandparent. We get 6 days compassionate leave for a parent, sibling or DC plus sick leave if necessary up to a total of 2 weeks no questions asked. That's a sympathetic family friendly public sector workplace and what I got when DF passed away.

My sister who works in the private sector got 3 days compassionate leave and a week or two on sick leave, which she probably lost money for but she works in a public facing role and just wasn't up to doing nice chit chat with people all day.

But if the OPs colleague is effectively just filling time until the funeral and don't really want to be at work, perhaps annual leave on the understanding that they pull their socks up and pitch in a bit more in future is the fairest way?

Original poster
Seeeeriously · 02/05/2017 11:44

No cultural / religious reasons.

No annual leave - we have set holidays.

Workload at the moment is insane.

I really like colleague - but the pressure we are under at the moment means I am frustrated on behalf of the team (who are all chipping in).

More senior staff have been asking me questions; they'll be dealing with this, not me.

OP posts: